Family needed support...answers..advice, anything at this point


#1

My brother was diagnosed a while ago…and it just seems like nothing is helping. Ever since he was young he’s been distant. We never got to have that close sibling bond. Everyone in my family just thought he was really shy so they didn’t push him much. Recently though he was diagnosed. Ever since then he’s been refusing his meds, destroying the house, yelling and saying horribly hurtful things to my mom and I. And now he’s starting to say he wants to kill himself. We’ve tried therapy but he always ends up hating them, saying they look funny and he can’t trust them. He doesn’t even believe he has an illness. When it gets really bad (when he’s violent) we take him to the hospital and they keep him for a short while but he always comes back worse and worse . Its scary being at home with him and the hospital doesn’t help. It just really feels hopeless. My poor mom doesn’t know what to do or say. I just feel like I’m at the end of my rope. What other options are there?


#2

If he becomes violent and attack family members, then you have no choice but to call the police. This was the case in my family—I mean I was the abuser and other family members were the victims.


#3

Hi, and welcome to the forums. I think you’ll get a lot of help here - and I encourage you to read through the forums to learn more about how others have handled the situation. This is a common problem. You and your family need to read and learn as much as you can. We have many resources here.

I would try to get him to an expert center for treatment of early psychosis: Here are some sources at these links:
Early Psychosis Treatment center information in these two links
http://www.schizophrenia.com/earlypsychosis.htm
http://www.raiseetp.org/sites/

Psychiatric Treatment Centers affiliated with Medical Schools in the USA
http://www.schizophrenia.com/psychcenters.htm

This link may help you find a psychiatrist in your area
http://psychiatrists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php

Here are some good ideas on how to deal with your brother when he’s actively psychotic:
http://www.schizophrenia.com/sznews/archives/005561.html

Here are some answers to your questions:
http://schizophrenia.com/family/faqindex.htm

Here are some recovery resources:
http://schizophrenia.com/family.php


#4

Or, I am not sure what is that being called in your country. A shelter or center caring for those mentally ill whose family members unable to take care of.
In my country, they charge for a small monthly fee.


#5

Hi MissJaded…

It’s hard. Currently going through a tough time with my son who is diagnosed and not stable but not unstable enough to be involuntarily admitted. Almost two weeks ago we took him to emergency, he told me that he would rather slit his wrists then be on medications for the rest of life. They released him. Wednesday his case worker took him to the hospital and they released him. Yesterday I ended up calling 911 as he was punching a wall. He went off one of his medications 3 weeks ago.

I don’t have a lot of answers but I’m doing the best that I can with the system that I have to work within. My son is 20 and legally an adult so there is not a lot that I can force him to do without getting some sort of guardianship and I already know that I would have a hard time getting this. He isn’t psychotic from a medical point of view so they look at his actions as behavioral.

Outside of what my son is going through I believe that I have the right to be treated with respect and that includes my home. I refuse to live in fear of my son whether it’s schizophrenia causing it or not. Yes I know that’s a lot easier said then done. Last night I took my son to a shelter. I asked for my apartment keys back and hopefully I will have the strength to follow through but he cannot stay with me under these conditions. I can’t make him see what I see and I can’t make him be medication compliant or even in control. He is beyond my control. Schizophrenia is not in my control. He has to want to help himself now.

I don’t know what to tell you other then look over the resources that SzAdmin posted and hopefully somewhere in there you can find some hope for you, your mother and your brother.


#6

Hi and welcome. Can you find a care facility to him? I don’t know what it is called in your country. But it’s a group home for ppl with mental illness who can’t stay at home.

It will be hard emotionally to “kick him out” with force, but you all need time away from each other. You need time to gather streangth and to heal.

My oldest son lives in a group home. He has PDD-NOS. He used to be very violent. The police have been at our house 3 times. He is 13 years old. It was the best thing ever for him. He now loves school and have friends.
But it was hard parting from him, but I could not have it like it was. He beat me up.


#7

Thank you everyone. I’ve gone over some of the links shared. I’m using my phone at the moment, my brother had an episode this morning, woke up to screaming and house being destroyed again. We just took him back to the hospital, been here for 3+hours so far. I do think we need some time apart to heal and figure out what’s next. Its just hard also because my mom is hesitant about sending him somewhere long-term. I think she feels like doing that means she’s giving up on him. I’m trying to convince her that that’s not the case. She thinks he might be mistreated or ignored if he goes someplace else. He has to get violent before she really reacts. Its scary… I don’t know. We have to figure something out because this can’t continue…


#8

Maybe you could get him on disability, get some kind of guardianship, and put him in an assisted living center for the mentally ill. The most important thing is to get him stabilized on med’s. If you have a guardianship you have the power to keep him from leaving assisted living. You might want to shop around because the quality of these places varies. None of them are resorts, but I think they offer the best alternative in cases like this. He might hate the place, but most assisted living centers are very humane.


#9

I know this is a hard thing to deal with.
Is he under care with a doctor?
Even if he is put into the hospital, it probably won`t be for a long time. he will get the meds he needs and all of you will get some rest. You have the right to live in your home without fear.
BARBIE-I know this is tough!!! I has to do this a lot, but was never consistent. The more I stood up for boundaries however-the better he got. I wish I would have done this early. A hospital worker once told me that sometimes you just have to let the chips fall. All the good advice I ever got was just lost in all my worries for him.
Now, all these good words have come back to me…and these people were right. If he has a case worker-give that ph# to your son. Hopefully they will keep an eye on him. It will also give your son a chance to ask for help.
This disease is HARD for all. Hope things will turn around for all! **


#10

Maybe if you got your brother declared incompetent, or better yet - incapacitated, it would be easier to get him on disability.


#11

how did this finally work out?


#12

With help from self-control, my family didn‘t call the police.


#13

My mom has been working on getting him on disability so we can afford this assisted living home. It seems really nice. He at the hospital now trying different meds to see what works for him. So far nothing really has been that good, seems like the hardest part is getting him stable on good medication. Any suggestions there?


#14

You don’t say what type of medications which he has been tried on. If atypical med’s don’t work, maybe you should try the typicals. That is a very harsh course of action, but maybe it could be temporary - until he gains enough insight to his illness to trust him on the atypicals. Or, if he is taking the typicals and can’t tolerate them, see if he can tolerate the atypicals. The medications can act differently on different people. Other people swear by medications which I had a hard time with. I’m doing okay on Geodon and Seroquel, and I hope to get an independent living situation soon. For the most part people tolerate the atypicals much easier than the typicals.


#15

If he is noncompliant, once he gets stablized, he could get on injections. My son was never compliant, so he started getting prolixin injections once a month. It stays in the system for a few weeks. Whatever he ends up taking, ask the doctor if it comes in injectable form.
Good luck!


#16

Assisted living is not available in all places, the facilities here, they have to volunteer to be there even with a guardianship. That takes away alot of resources right there. So you have to consider that what your mom is doing very possibly could be all that can be done. I did do a guardianship because there is not any resources here and someone has to support them when all resources = 0. Here Mental Health will not help them if they are not compliant, really. Some areas want to put them in Jail, its sad but true. These are typically the areas where they don’t have any resources. These geographical families have to deal with a lot more to get mental illness treated, like its not already tough.