Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Fear due to delusions, worried about my family

Hello! I got kicked off the schizophrenia forums a few months ago and just felt like sharing my experiences here, though I mostly hang out on reddit now. I’ve had 4 major episodes in the past 6 years, despite meds. In 2016-17 I was doing well. I held down a full time job for a few months (but ended up having a breakdown and quitting), then attended support group, tried out vocational rehab and day treatment, and I was into online dating. I was very happy and made friends with support group members who I drove to the beach and also was able to read easier-language books and watch movies. However, my episode returned again in 2018 and again in 2019 (but I have insight). I began to believe that these delusions were true by choice… like that people were being damned to go to Hell, the world was magic and I’m the only one without powers, and my ex bf was my soul mate. I have since stopped trying to date (to wait for him) and my parents are growing increasingly concerned about why I haven’t made the sensible step by step recovery back to self improvement and dating. After repeat episodes hit, I could no longer drive, could only work jobs for the disabled like peer coaching, and had other declines in functioning. Since my latest episode, I sort of no longer am fully recovered and still get concerned that bad things are happening in the world. I got a few more wrinkles and my appetite increased, to the point where my parents get mad at me for no longer trying to self improve, dress up, and focus on “my goals” of having two kids, a husband and a house. My dad had a major breakdown and my mom screamed her lungs out. They won’t let me talk or engage in my delusions and want everything back to the way it was… where I still cared more about my own life than my delusions of Hell/evil. I also can’t date right now because I still like my ex and am waiting for him. Both friends and day treatment have said I can expect that a “handsome guy will want to date me one day” and to keep on the sane side as much as possible till I get to see him. My family is causing drama now. I went to Duke University and majored in English and read a Victorian romance called North and South which made me believe there needs to be ethical standards when pursuing the dating scene and my parents aren’t meeting those standards. Anyways, I’ve tried going on the schizophrenia subreddit and they keep trying to get me to engage in my delusions which my family and doctor strictly forbids, so I’m trying to watch more rom coms on amazon prime and maybe do some soul searching/journaling, reading (maybe even comic books if real books are too hard), and simple baking and cooking. I also walk my dog daily, hike sometimes, and attend support group every week. I bought new winter themed bed sheets because I’m pretty excited for the Fall season to start. (I live in Hawaii, lol…) We usually have a thanksgiving meal that lasts a month (puppies will be so happy) and Snl (which I sort of watch to follow election news and hear new rappers) and roast turkey plate lunches with my friend. Once coronavirus goes away, there will be more support groups and I might visit the art museum and go on our yearly trip to visit my home country. For those with sons or daughters with moderately treated/managed symptoms, do you still hold aspirations for them like my parents do? I read that a lot of people are pretty much tortured by imaginary demons which sounds hard, but maybe they’d feel better if they drew them out or did some journaling or attended a support group or other program for the mentally ill such as supported employment, peer coaching, day treatment, group therapy, church, clubhouse, online forum etc. I feel safer when I’m involved in the mentally ill community.

I hold aspirations. It would be that he gets better and that his SZA becomes manageable. Beyond that, I don’t know what I can or should expect at this point.

There was a time when I tried to stop meds because they stopped working and I somehow reasoned that the doctor made the meds stop working on purpose. They sent me to the emergency room where they said my mom won’t let me live at home unless I take meds so I haven’t stopped taking them since then. Have you tried getting him on an injection? Some injections are quite on the strong side and if you’ve tried them all and they still don’t work, the last resort is clozapine. You could also try crushing the pills and putting it in the food. If there is a long term psychiatric hospital or unit, that’s definitely an option. Sorry this had to happen to your son! I really enjoy being sane much more, even with the negative and cognitive symptoms, because at least I have friends now and can appreciate reality.

Tukey, he’s taking his meds now and getting better, but very fearful of leaving the house. I don’t know how much he remembers about the day, about 3 weeks ago, when the police handcuffed him and strapped him to a gurney. He says he’s afraid he might be kidnapped, so maybe that’s what he’s associating with the police apprehending him.

He’s on 400 mg of Seroquel, 20 mg of Zyprexa, 2 mg of clonazepam and 900 mg of lithium. He’s already gained 9 pounds in a a couple of weeks, so I’m going to see if his psychiatrist is willing to decrease the Zyprexa by 5 - 10 mg. My son says he’d rather just take Seroquel.

I’m glad you have found support in the mentally ill community. When my son gets better I’ll suggest he find a support group. In the past, he hasn’t been interested in that, but maybe he’ll change his mind.