Feeling helpless

I’m engaged to a man who’s been diagnosed schizophrenic and he has suddenly stopped his meds he has delusions that there is a group he belongs in and they are everywhere in the cia and that I work for them! I love this man so much and want to help him it’s killing me inside watching him go through hell! I have tried to get him help! He refuses his meds saying it makes him sleep to hard and they might come in his apartment while he is sleeping :! I told his father and he doesn’t seem to believe me! I have been accused of sleeping with this group because its my job! I am at my witts end! Please help!

Hi Jaylynn~
Just wondering how long
you have been with this man? He is on meds and his
family doesn`t know?
Talk with your family about this. See if there is a local NAMI support
group in your area. If you are going to marry, you will need a lot
of support! This is not an easy ride-as you are already finding out.
Does he see a doctor?

I am sorry that you are going through this. First of all, anything rude or inappropriate he says about you or thinks of you is part of his illness so please don’t take it personally. You have been doing great by providing him support in the form of understanding and that is your unconditional love towards him. He will surely understand it one day when he’ll be well.

I think it will be good if you could talk to any other member of his family who is close to him but if they seem not to respond sensibly then it is better to discuss this with your family or the doctor who is treating him. The doctor may give appropriate suggestions on how to help him.

I have been with him for two and a half years! His family knows he is on meds but when I explained he stopped taking it they call and ask him and of course he says he is taking them! I have told them they need to pay attention to what he says and how he responds to things! He is seeing a Dr. But I know he hasn’t gone in a month! He calls me at all hours of the evening claiming I’m sleeping around with this group or even aliens! I work and do this with so little sleep! He swears I’m a part of this group and this group runs the world! When say I I don’t he yells that I’m lying to him and loyal to the group! I met this man and he was amazing loving never been violent never raised his voice to me now he calls me up screaming! Still not violent! But texts and calls me constantly! If I didn’t answer it’s worse! I love this man and don’t want to abandon him in his weakest moment! I don’t believe he would do this if he had the right meds! But the stress is really getting to me! I have gotten myself a therapist just so I don’t feel like I’m crazy! His family lives in another state and can’t see what I do!

I’m afraid to tell my family because I don’t want anyone to think of him differently! Because it’s his illness that’s making him do this! I have tried to convince him to go to the hospital in our town for these issues and he asks why because he’s not sick! He really does not believe he is sick! I’m not going to abandon someone I love because he is sick! I just want to help him!

He says if I just admit I’m sleeping with all these people and Aliens he could forgive me But I refuse to say I have done something That isn’t true!

Welcome to the forums.

It’s his illness talking. I did not want anything to do with my husband when I became psychotic. It took me about a year to “come back” and accept I have a family. Meds are very important. That keeps my feet on the ground. Can you talk to his family, maybe he trusts his father, mother or maybe brother? They can convince him to get help.

Welcome @jaylynn1966

Some of these links may help:
http://www.leapinstitute.org/ - under resources are free videos on using LEAP
LEAP is a way of communicating to build trust. Listen-Empathize-Agree-Partner.
http://dramador.com/ - Dr. Xavier Amador is a clinical psychologist whose brother had schizophrenia. He is the founder of the LEAP Institute. Wrote the book: I’m Not Sick I Don’t Need Help! Can buy from his website.
Search Xavier Amador and LEAP on youtube.com and you should find some long videos
Treatment Advocacy Center - under problems you will see anosognosia
Anosognosia looks like denial but is different.
Bayes for Schizophrenics: Reasoning in Delusional Disorders - LessWrong - helped my understand delusions
http://www.nami.org/ - National Alliance on Mental Illness.
http://www.schizophrenia.ca/ - Schizophrenia Society of Canada

Can also find some very useful information here:

Early Psychosis Treatment center information in these two links


Psychiatric Treatment Centers affiliated with Medical Schools in the USA

Sometimes the best that you can do is try to understand what is happening, not that that makes dealing with delusions much easier but it can help.

So sorry you are dealing with this. It is best that you saw it now, however, to know if you can handle it or not. The delusions and paranoia about government and alien involvement are very common. I don’t really know why. Reading the books on the LEAP method will be very helpful, though I confess it can be difficult to implement consistently - you love this man, and you want things to be right between you!

I completely understand you not wanting to agree with what your partner says about you - and of course you shouldn’t! The best I can suggest is that you remain understanding about how very real these thoughts are TO HIM, and express sympathy that he is feeling the way he is right now.

It sounds perhaps that his family is in a bit of denial about your partner’s condition if they are unwilling to listen to your concerns, but since they do not live locally, there might not be much they can do anyway.

You may have to establish some boundaries and some conditions for a full relationship - i.e. that he get back on his meds, and maybe some couples counseling where others could see what you see.

You have to be careful if he is not doing well and not taking his medication. For him what he says is real. He needs to see the Doctor and be on medication which is not so easy. Even hospitalization is not possible unless he threatens someone OR danger to himself. I don’t know where to begin and how hard it is with this cruel illness. I wish there were better solutions for the family members and loved ones. Sending you positive thoughts. Keep us posted.

Thought we had a breakthrough but NO!! He finally calls me Yesterday and says baby I think you’re right I’m Schizophrenic! So he asks what should we do I tell him call his caseworker and let her know what is happening! SMH!! She didn’t call back until today she takes him to a therapist and Guess what??!! When he couldn’t sleep on his meds before he doubled up and therefore the therapist says he has enough meds till mon well no he doesn’t! They take him back home!! What does it take before they help him??!! And of course they won’t listen to me because of the fact that I am just the fiancee! Of course the breakthrough yesterday keeps me going because it was almost like he was back! If I just keep fighting for him maybe he will come back to me! Am I delusional for having hope?

No you are not delusional for having hope. Sometimes that is all that we have.

It’s hard working within the system when doctor’s and therapists don’t see what we see because they don’t know our loved ones the way that we do. My son is currently not doing good. He just looks tired. I know him and know the look is more then tired but it’s not what his workers see. I know what it can feel like when you are not being listened to and I don’t know if you are or not however sometimes they need to see it for themselves. If he is presenting to his workers like he is ok then unfortunately that is what they will act on. Keep talking to them. They can listen to your concerns. Sometimes we have to push a little bit to be heard.

Acknowledging that he has schizophrenia does not mean that he will suddenly become aware of all of his symptoms. My son acknowledges that he has sz but doesn’t see what he is currently going through as part of his sz but as part of his spiritual journey I guess. He doesn’t see the bigger picture.

UPDATE: My fiancee is back on his meds! He is acting and looking great! Just got to keep praying and keep fighting! It’s one day at a time but getting there!

My boyfriend does the same exact thing. He even insists that one day he drove past my grandmothers when I told him I would be there and my car wasn’t there when it was and that if I would just admit I was cheating he would forgive me and we could move on but I won’t say I’ve done something I haven’t done so I get accused of lying when I’m being completely honest… It’s horrible bc then he’ll be better the next day and act like I am the love of his life and then by the end of the day start the accusations again…

I am tired often. It is awful because I cant to study normal. So I feel himself helpless

It can be hard sometimes but although I don’t believe in medication, sometimes a patient needs to take something to de-stress. Meds are not a cure all but if he is stressed he should be encouraged to take some tabs. Olanzapine I think are good for de-stress.

I am agree with you. But if not to be medication then many people suffering schizophrenia doomed to disability.