Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Feeling Guilty


#1

My son has schizo-effective. He is homeless at this time and I feel terrible about the situation. He refuses to take his meds and quit drinking and insists nothing is wrong with him. He has been in the hospital a few times this year but as soon as he gets a little better he checks himself out.

He is well enough to get jobs and convince most people he meets that he is fine. Even the doctors evidently. He says all of the doctors say there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. He refuses to let any of us visit him or speak with his medical team when he is in the hospital. He gets si and ssi but says spending his check on housing is a waste of money. There is no way I can live with him the situation would be intolerable he just does not get along with his sister or brother. or me for that matter. He has been terribly hurtful and disrespectful.

I really hate this, even though he is in 32. I still feel that he is my child and I wish I could do something. The situation is tearing our family apart. My sister always wants do help him give money etc. My brother says that’s enabling and on and on. We are all suffering but he says he’s happy the way he is. He does make me feel guilty at times though, when he says no one ever helps him. We have spent a ton of our resources on treatment and given him thousands of dollars, our family has been very emotionally supportive. But just about everyone has given up.

I’m think there’s nothing I can really do but I worry about him. He is eligible for all kinds of resources but he doesn’t want them. Part of me admires him for living life on his own terms. He is very smart and talented. I hope that he will just find a place to call home soon.

Thanks for listening not too many people can relate to our story.


#2

We were at that same place with my son not long ago. It’s hard, and tears your heart out. When he got bad enough he finally went to the hospital on his own… I truly believe that’s the only way it could be. (He had been hospitalized several times before, by us, his parents. It didn’t help). He was terrified of what he had been hearing and believing. He came home with me when he was released. But for a very long time he kept saying he wanted to go back on the streets, but he never did, thankfully. And like your son he said that housing was a waste. He actually told me the other day he is thinking of looking for help with housing. That is big coming from him. I know how your heart is aching, and the worry you feel. But as hard as it is, sometimes you do just have to let things go the course. I hope it all works out well, and that it happens fast. I’ll pray for a bubble of protection to be around your son, same as I did mine.


#3

I was homeless for a while. There is a kind of freedom in that life that you can’t get anywhere else. You can literally do whatever you want, when you want to, and nobody can stop you. Some people get a taste of that life and don’t want to go back. Eventually though, he will get sick of it. Stop giving him money if you want him to get sick of it sooner.

He is probably facing unbelievable horrors every day in his own mind. For now, he needs alcohol because he doesn’t have any other coping mechanisms. The horrors are so big that the only way to deal with them is to stay permanently drunk. I have so been there. One day, he’ll have a wake up call, and decide he wants more for his life. Then he’ll seek treatment. How long has he been homeless? It took me four or five months to decide to get help.

For me, my wake up call was going to my sister’s wedding. It was a huge day for her and I just felt nothing. I was totally dead inside, and I hated feeling that way at my sister’s wedding. That was when I decided to check into the hospital and try meds again.


#4

My father has been homeless for over twenty years. He’s drank his life away in my opinion and is sz. I am also sz but I don’t drink.

I’ve had to come to terms that his choices are his freedom. He wasn’t and isnt capable of being a dad and he’s not to blame in many aspects.
I email him holiday wishes.
My experience with his abuse teaches me to have my boundaries.


#5

He has been homeless since may. But he sometimes finds people to stay with.He has a couple of friends also homeless that he pals around with.

The sad part is he was doing well on meds for a long time but he went off. I hope he gets better by the holidays. Where we live the weather is getting nice now so the motivation to get inside might be less. I just worry about his safety.

Thanks


#6

Do you live in the northern hemisphere? Something about the snow makes homelessness a lot less fun.


#7

Guilt, I feel, is a very powerful emotion and we will do a lot towards relieving ourselves of it, even to pay the phony preachers to assure us that we will be forgiven by of all people God Himself. I think that these types of preachers when they say let us pray they are really telling themselves is to “prey” upon our emotions of guilt, so just don’t let it get to that point and it should work itself out in time as in justifiable inaction and or careful and thought out actions. I do believe in the power of real prayer as well.


#8

*I hate to say that many of us have very similiar experiences with our kids. My son seemed to do a little better when he was homeless-but he also had some medication still in him.
Doesn`t make sense, does it?
My son is 38 and my sister just purchased a small home for him, but he has been off meds for over a year. He seems to do better when left alone
.
He will not call now unless he needs something.
This was very hard for me ( still is ) but you may have to let him go through it.


#9

Thanks, we live in south florida. Lots of homeless people do as well. I can’t afford to pay my son’s rent anymore. He would probably like to live at home or atlas crash here when he wants. But he has become very confrontational with me. He is also very disruptive to his sister and brother. He is rude to their friends and takes over every conversation with rantings of one sort or another. I could go on but you get the picture.

I love my son very much and I hate to think of him out there on the street. I am thankful that he has a couple of friends that he hangs around with. And he’s not unhappy most of the time. But still your right Bridgecomet this is very hard for me I feel really helpless. This forum is very helpful though thanks everyone.


#10

@Tea42, I know exactly how you feel. I blame myself to this day for my father’s passing he was similarly a drug addict and alcoholic. Only difference was that he was successful and a business owner and so people just attributed his addictions to him being a bored, lonely intellectual. Only a handful of people knew the truth - that he was suffering. He was a schizophrenic, bipolar and had a slew of other mental illnesses. Long story short when I was younger my mother had had enough and decided to leave him and after that he really started to spiral out of control. We were granted an order of protection against him, and when he violated it, I being a young girl had to send my dad to jail and call the police. I still to this day hold so much guilt and feel bad about what I did when I was 12. However, I was young and even know realize that he needed help and he needed to sober up. The best thing that you can do is try and understand that he himself is suffering from an illness that no one can see. If someone (Lord forbid) has cancer people see the effect of chemo - the loss of hair, the loss of appetite and the aftereffects. However, when someone is mentally ill seeing the pain that they go through isn’t manifested necessarily in the physical. But remember that the best thing you can do is try and get your son sober, and either medicated or in therapy where he can work on himself and his problems.