Fiancé - still hearing voices and is marriage appropriate for us

Hello everyone, I’m here to ask what I can do to best help by fiancé.

He was diagnosed with schizophrenia after having tried cannabis 2 years ago, he is now 30 years old. He was having paranoid delusion and hearing voices everyday. Now he is hearing the voices every other day despite being in medication Invega. He’s described the voices to be so distracting and draining. He is really having a hard time and I don’t want him to lose hope. How can I best support him. He’s afraid about how he will maintain his job, it’s unimaginably difficult when he’s hearing the voices and it’s so draining to the point where can’t do all the things he wishes to do.

We are planning to get married as well and I can imagine there’s added stress regarding that as well.

Can anyone guide me on how I can best support him. Also what kinds of jobs are bested suited for those with schizophrenia? Is it realistic for someone with schizophrenia, who hears voices every other day to uphold a full time job? I only ask out of love and care, I have not said anything offensive.

What medications have been effective for those who hear voices?

Also what kind of jobs are best suited in such situations?

Is it realistic for us to plan a full life together?

I just want to give him the best support I can and I don’t know who to talk to or reach out to. Please help.

Thank you for your time

It appears that your fiancé has insight and is willing to take medication. Thats wonderful! This is probably the hardest thing when dealing with a loved one so you two are blessed I assure you.

The questions and worries seem infinite I know. We all have asked them before. I’m glad you found your way to this community. Everyone is very helpful and informed here!

Everyone’s situation is unique to each individual involved so there is no exact answer. We can however, share our experience with you and that should help you navigate the tough decisions you are faced with. It would have served my Wife and I well had I known of this community when she was diagnosed PS.

From my experience, the two of you have bypassed one of the roughest parts of this road by his willingness to get treatment. I am so happy you have not had to go through that.

I encourage you to read through threads from spouses. The contrast of when they are taking their medication and not will be apparent. It can be a process with his pDoc finding what works best. I found it helpful to keep detailed notes of your observations when starting or changing meds. There will likely be side effects and my Wife went through 5 different meds before finding one with a good balance between benefits and side effects.

I recommend reading Dr. Amador’s book “I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help”

I can’t tell you how hopeful I am for him because he is accepting treatment so soon. This is such a wonderful thing. Best wishes!

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I do understand all of the questions you have. Schizoprenia is a lifelong battle, and each person’s journey is different. The more you search and read on here of other couple’s struggles and successes the better educated you will feel to make decisions.

I suggest that you take a NAMI family-to-family class as soon as you can, the wealth of information available is very worth taking advantage of. Dr. Amador’s book is also a must read for you. Medicines are hit and miss a lot of the time and have to be changed sometimes. The med that works for my daughter has not worked for many others, and has caused severe side effects for others.

No one can tell if he will be able to work in the future or not. His schizophrenia may worsen, or it may not. The proper med may help him become almost fully functioning again, as Haldol has done for my daughter over the years since 2016 when she got schizophrenia. I wish someone could give you specifics. Working with his doctor (having him sign papers so that you can talk to his doctors in the future should it become necessary) is vital.

Perhaps the stress of marriage should be placed into the future. My sister (now celebrating 39 years of marriage) was engaged for 5 years before she married. Also, my son and his fiancee have been engaged for 4 years now with no date set still. Perhaps they will set a date next year. Take your time.

You raise many important questions, such as how will he be able to continue working and will he be able to hold any job? I agree that the most important thing is that he is compliant with medication.
No one knows how he will manage any kind of employment. But the odds of holding down a job that is main stream and not low stress is minimal.
Everyone on this site is very supportive and always has helpful things to say. The one thing I wish
is that people be more realistic based on our collective experience with family members that have schizophrenia.
I personally would NEVER want to plan a future with someone that suffers from schizophrenia.
No matter how much you care for your fiance, your life will be filled with stress. You should ask yourself these questions.
Am I willing to support him for life even if he eventually becomes unable to work? Do you want to live a life with someone who is already struggling ?
How much of your own happiness and well being are you willing to sacrifice? You will definitely have to sacrifice ALOT!
It is NOT realistic to plan a full life together unless you are well informed about the disease and the long and hard journey you have ahead of you. You can be supportive to him without making a major commitment of marriage. TAKE YOUR TIME!
Read through the many topics on this website. The stories will give you some perspective on how terrible this disease is. Even people who have family members that are compliant with medication,
they don’t have is so easy.
Good Luck with your difficult decisions.


Jobs are niche and likely to be something that is self paced with A LOT of interpersonal support or menial, if you determine their best medication also tends to make them a hazard. It’s rough, but many people find the attention necessary to hold or do high skilled or dangerous work isn’t possible with meds, although this is not always the case.

Most people I know do not hold full time jobs or have ones that are not gig based. My mom is the exception, but mind you, she has had her Sx (Symptoms) stabilized for years. Before that, she was duped into MLM’s, Self-Help coaching, and several other positions before settling with a retail gig with sales and technical skills training. All of this was only possible after dialing in meds, and this took years. Medication recommendations really need to come from a M.D Psyche. before anyone can give you a recommendation, as things that don’t work especially after 3-6 months of trial (this is normal) are variable on a case by case basis.

Planning a future, via kids, housing, the works, should include full-time unemployment and spare discretionary funds or extended family networks that you cannot overstress if your partner keeps having decompensation episodes. Consider what security measures you may need to keep children safe, including daycare, nannying services with a pick-up schedule not reliant on your partner, and full separate accommodation or care via a self-funded seclusion for your children. My dad did all of this and more for us when my mother wasn’t able to take care of us, and it’s only through a small miracle that we didn’t end up going into the foster care system, which was a real possibility. I still have MH issues of my own from witnessing some of the behaviors and Tx from my mother toward others and myself when she was decompensating. Otherwise a secondary guardianship via other family members would have been how we were raised if my mother continued to be unable to care for herself.

In short, you must be prepared to take on the full responsibility of being a single parent, sole income, AND legal advocate for your partner if you get married OR pay someone to do it. In our case, my dad did all of the above with multiple children and running several businesses. This was and is not the case of many kids I met in group therapy who came from impoverished backgrounds, directly related to their parents not having lucrative jobs (one having severe MI at a minimum) OR good business skills/family networks.

My family wasn’t rich by any stretch but being incredibly handy (food, housing, and mechanics/electronics wise) means we always paid less to build, repair, or make things that we wouldn’t have otherwise been able to afford with my mom’s issues. The only “rich” thing we had was a nanny part-time during a few years of our lives when my mom was comatose from the number of meds she was on. Emo BB and Nana Ellie were two people other than my grandparents that I can credit for keeping all of my siblings safe, cared for, and fed while my dad worked 100 hour weeks and liaised with legal and medical counsel for my mom. This wasn’t cheap and I know some of our opportunities (and my mom’s life goals) were squandered due to the extra expense of needing such involved childcare, with no extra money for things like museums, sports,camps, learning languages, or instruments, ect. There wasn’t such a thing as dire poverty for us, but for many less savvy or poor that didn’t own houses, fix their own cars, or rebuild older machines/houses, these things weren’t even dreamed of, let alone looked after. The stereotype of trailer park/mobile home based poverty with broken cars and dirty windows and an overgrown lawn exists for a reason.


Your partner has a lot of insight and wants to hold down his job. Those are excellent signs. Has he stopped cannabis completely? That drug triggers psychosis.

My husband IS holding down a full time job with paranoid schizophrenia and he lacks the insight your partner does. I know of other schizophrenics who hold down work. But it isn’t easy for them and takes motivation and a commitment to avoiding triggers and taking medicine. I also meet many who don’t hold down jobs though.

It’s a hard journey for me as a wife, but now my husband is stable we are so in love again. I just hope his psychosis doesn’t come back, even if other symptoms fluctuate. We even managed to watch live tv at the weekend which usually triggers him.

But really consider if you marry him as divorce is complex. You can love someone and be with them without a wedding, keeping you free to leave. Also consider this if you buy a property together. You might be better seeing how things go.

I’m married and we co-own a flat. I earn more and end up taking on more burdens like organising bills and life admin which stresses him. It isn’t an equal partnership with me putting more into the marriage than him. But when we nearly divorced I told him he needs to try his best and not run / hide from problems. I believe he does try and we stayed together.

What I need to consider is starting a family. I did want this previously but after his last psychosis I’m taking time to see how things go and what is best for us. Even positive change that you want can cause unexpected stress and trigger things. But for now, I’m happy we are together again, living in the flat and both contributing to the our own ways

20’s are a common time for SZ to manifest itself. It’s a genetic, brain disease and I wouldn’t think it would have anything to to with smoking marijuana. Olanzapine was effective for quieting my son’s voices, but it does have severe metabolic effects so the person has to get blood tests on a regular basis to check for lipids and blood sugar getting out of control.

Glad he has someone in his life. My son wants a girlfriend, gets lonely. He had one awhile back and she was nice. He ended it, i think his sz had something to do with it.
My son is on disability, and had a job at Amazon, but let go.
Starting a new job this week at Dollar Tree, part time. To continue to receive disability you can only work part time. Which is what i feel all my son could handle.
They struggle, even if on meds. This disease never completely goes away. He is 36 and had this condition, since 26.
Its your choose, about your future, but wouldn’t rush it.
Good Luck