Filling the gap for recovery


#1

I have been with this man for a year now and he has been diagnosied with schizophrenia as a child. He is on meds however denies the illness. we will be completly fine and when he sees his mother for days in a row he tends to have a break and becomes verbally absusive to me which I know and have researched this is a part of the illness and I know this is not him. He is the most amazing person when he is on tract and the most kind hearted person. After he breaks we talk and I explain that his behavior is not exceptable and he says he understands but then he does it again down the road. I know this is a life long illness and am willing to try to have the love we share. I tried to explain that when he sees his mother for long periods of time which she has illnesses as well that he does this but he can go for weeks before he will talk to me. I will never take away the love of a mother and child but how do I help his recovery and stry that way without making it sound like I’m trying to take away his mother and why does he run back to her when he breaks after seening her.
Any information would help
Tiff


#2

Stress is a known trigger for relapse in schizophrenia. And - parents can cause stress sometimes. The key for you I think would to focus on the stress.

You could say that he seems to be more stressed when he comes back from a long visit with his mother. Perhaps suggest that shorter trips be tried and see how they go…? It seems that might be best for everyone.


#3

Welcome to the forum tiffmead.

Based on my own experiences, sometimes we can cling to the parent that is doing us the most harm. I know I did. Regardless of the harm this relationship is doing there is a part of him that wants or needs that connection. I don’t know what advice to give you to help him realize that it is doing him harm without making him defensive about it. As SzAdmin says maybe try shortening the visits. You could try asking him to keep a journal so that he can see the cause and affect for himself. When he is with his mom does he continue to take his medication? That may be a reason for the continued connection. A safe place to not be med compliant. So it may not just be stress but lack of medications causing the breaks.

On a side note. There is a condition called anosognosia that looks like denial but is part of the condition itself. My son is currently med compliant but not because of his schizophrenia.


#4

He does stay on his meds when he is with her and we talk about his behavior when he is with his mother but at times he agrees and other times defends her. He states that this diagnoses was by choice for his work. Now when he says that it’s based on the perception of his that he works for some CIA or FBI to bring down and he is the riches man alive when he don’t even work. I never doubt him when he says these things but will only come out when he sees his mother and she starts saying how she lost everything because of him and she has no money so this is a precursor for him and those episodes however he don’t see this. Other family members and step mom help in this area because we are trying very hard to help but his mother seems to be the cause of his break downs. I almost want to say it should be a supervised visit with her to avoid the success we gain. His mother won’t even talk to me because she thinks I treat him like a child. But I hold a degree in occupational therapy and a BS in psychology but I can’t seem to help my own BF because I’m to close I know all about the disorder but can seem to break through and need advice from others from the outside that has been through this that can be taught in textbooks
Thank you all for the advice