Yesterday my son gave me a gift. I was visiting my 33 year old son who has schizophrenia and lives as nearly a shut in. For years, since 2013 when he had his first episode of psychosis, and spent a month in the hospital, I have been grieving bitterly without end. I will go to my grave grieving for him, for his seeming lost life. I have felt so heavy with sadness and despair and hopelessness for him, for me, for his sister who loves her big brother dearly. But yesterday as I was hanging out with him, just the two of us, he apologized for how he is. He apologized to me for being slow to respond at times and for being kinda weird and nutty in his head. But he said he wants me to know that he’s okay. He’s not depressed or sad at all. He is happy and likes his life just fine. These words have such meaning to me, as his happiness (or lack thereof) has eaten me alive almost. I assured him that he needn’t apologize to me. I told him I love him with all my heart just the way he is. This heartfelt conversation was no less than a gift from him to me.
good to hear youre both getting on well.
Thank you for sharing- I needed to hear this right now. When I look at my 31 year old sz son I still see all the potential “if only” . I hope He lives with what is… now I have to let go of “could have been”.
Wow. That’s so meaningful when we all deal with the daily beat down. Thanks for sharing.
That was beautiful , bless him ! That must have taken a lot of courage to admit what he truly feels to you
Yes. I have to sit quietly, trying not to just ask questions, not observing his every move, and sometimes then he’ll just out of the blue say something. It doesn’t happen when others are around, like his sister and the twins. It has to be just the two of us. He lives with his dad but I go over there to see him. It’s very touching. He seems to sense my sadness, even though I think it’s not showing.
My heart goes out to you! There is nothing more a Mother wants than for her child to be happy, or even ok! . My Mother-in-Law always told me you are only as happy as your saddest child. My son is a 32 year old veteran. I understand the sadness, despair, hopelessness, loss of life the illness causes. Unfortunately my son has isolated himself and won’t accept the diagnosis and has no friends, job, family (except me, the punching bag), happiness, etc. It is nice to hear there is light in the tunnel!
Oh it’s so heartbreaking. We just want them to be ok and those words he said to you are so precious. I can feel your joy and your pain. We do love them with all of our heart.