Daughter bought son a coffee


#1

My 29-yr old daughter and 25-yr old sz son have had a very strained relationship for the past year or so. She cut off all contact with him lately because it frustrates her how shabbily she thinks he treats the family. She finds it harder to muster up the compassion for him as her dad and I do.

Just got a call from daughter – she said she was passing Starbucks and noticed son pulling into the parking lot. She made the instant decision to keep on driving, but a few hundred feet up the road said she felt compelled to turn around and go see him. She totally surprised him in the parking lot and when she got out of her car they hugged, went inside and sis bought him a coffee and a cheese plate. It was a nice visit. All smiles here :slight_smile:


#2

Children grow up in spite of themselves. :grinning:


#3

That’s a nice story to hear. My brother and sister have very little to do with me or our parents. I saw them recently at our grandmother’s funeral. It had been about 12 years since I had had any contact with my sister, and about 9 years since I had any contact with my brother. They both hugged me hello and goodbye. They don’t know about my diagnosis as it happened rather recently, and I don’t know why they won’t have anything to do with me. Maybe I’m just too much of a loser as I live with my parents and am not working, but going to school.


#4

Sorry to read about your sibs broken relationship with you. It’s hard to understand how that happens sometimes. And I have to say that from following your posts, you are far from being a loser. I have noticed you seem to have a lot on the ball and plenty of perseverance, and you’re very pretty too.

Family dynamics can be a real pain in the patooshki at times!


#5

Thank you so much for your kind comments. It means a lot to me.


#6

Families getting along are nice. Families can be the biggest allies to a schizophrenic person. It’s nice to get along with the people who often are the people who have known you longest and who know you the best. It was a nice gesture from her, so simple, but such a big deal. I hope it mended fences for your family. My birthday is this Tuesday. My older sisters are taking me shopping for clothes and then out to dinner. I’ve had some good years despite schizophrenia and I give a LOT of credit for the good times to my family.


#7

That’s nice to read. My niece did change her mind about not wanting me to see her children. I realize she only wanted to protect them as I really was insensitive to children. I haven’t seen them yet (they live 300+ miles away) but I know I can if the opportunity arises. Now, I know better about behaving badly in front of children but tend to be “stiff as a board” about them.


#8

Thank you for the nice thoughts and happy early birthday! I’m really hoping that as the years go by my son and daughter will have a good relationship such as you have with your sisters. I don’t think son quite realizes yet how important that relationship is.

Ahh, new clothes and going out to eat, two of my favorite things lol.


#9

Unless they’re your own, children are sometimes a little trying to be around. It’s good that your niece has softened on that and you’re now aware of how you come across to them. I sometimes go back in my mind to when I was child, it helps me to relate to them at times.


#10

@lovemyson That’s good, they mended a little even over something as small as a cup of coffee. My brother and I have a fractured relationship. I have sza and he has bipolar disorder but he refuses medication so he is very trying to be around. He also can be violent he always was when we were little with little support from our parents.


#11

What a great piece of news. Thank you for this hopeful post.

When I was growing up my middle brother Jack and I had a very strained relationship. We fought and really hurt each other growing up. For years he cut off all contact with me and pretended I was dead. He avoided me at all cost. He had to. It was his only way to heal from what we’ve done to each other.

He even had an urn on his mantle to remind himself I was dead to him. But as I healed and he healed and was both grew, little by little he would talk to me. Then he would stop by once in a great while. Last year he started introducing me as his brother again. 6 months ago he started coming around to visit more often. 3 months ago he gave me the urn and said that he doesn’t need it any more.

Tonight he, the kid sis and I are in a hotel room warming up from a rained out camping trip and getting along really well.

It takes time, but it sounds like your daughter and your son are on a road to their own recovery. I hope there are more days like this for them.


#12

Aww, that’s a sweet story about your brother. And you even got the urn to boot:)

I think Bailey’s sis had just about gotten to the point where your brother was. She was so angry at him, so fed up, and so tired of me telling her that it’s his disease. She told me once “if I hear that one more time I’m going to scream!” So I don’t say that any more.

I really do have to thank you though, and your sister, for your posts. There are many of them that I have relayed to my daughter, I hope you don’t mind. The unconditional love you two have for each other is quite inspiring and I think has given my daughter a little different perspective on hers and Bailey’s relationship. I believe in my heart that some of that came to her mind when she turned her car around.

That’s too bad that your camping trip got rained out. This was the one where you were supposed to see if you still loved it or not(?) A warm, comfy hotel room is not too bad though!


#13

It’s odd to think that my postings about my odd little family would have an impact on someone. :blush:

Sometimes I think that we were close BECAUSE of my Sz. What ever it was, I was so lucky she was born.

If my odd ponderings gets your son and daughter to be friends again, then I’m glad you share.

We’re all in this together.


#14

Yep, we’re all in this together:)


#15

My sister recommends this book a lot.


#16

That makes me miss my father, haven’t seen him much in thirteen years, haven’t spoken to him either really.

What is your daughter’s problem with him exactly? What does shabbily really mean in this situation? I hope it isn’t the kind of shabbily that you get when someone is rapidly losing grey matter in their heads and being doped up the rest of their short meaningless existances.


#17

This is such an uplifting post. The fact that she turned around and went back just shows that the sibling bond is very hard to break, even when you’re relationship is going through a tough time.

My brother is trying to get clean from drug addiction right now in another state so i havnt seen or heard from him in a long time. Makes me want to give him a call and just see how he is doing.


#18

When son got deeper into his disease, was unstable and psychotic, smoking pot and not taking his meds right, he pretty much made our lives a living hell. Stole from us, did mean things like puncturing the tires on our cars, spray painted the top of my husband’s beloved '57 Chevy, disrespectful, in and out of hospitals and jails, we felt we were prisoners in our own home. I had to retire a bit early to be home during this time. We have spent tons of $$ too, lawyers, dual diagnosis center, hospitals, etc. She feels he doesn’t appreciate any of it.

Where my husband and I can find it in our hearts to forgive him, she has trouble doing that. It’'s a work in progress.

I do hope that you and your dad can reconnect. That would be nice.


#19

@lovemyson That story warmed my heart. I have had a strained relationship with my brother and his wife, but I am trying to do my part and forgive them both, as I hope they can understand me more and what I go through on a daily basis


#20

Thank you @Wave. I do think that the smallest of kind gestures go such a very long way to begin mending a relationship. Pride gets in our way a lot of the time, but as Dr. Phil says, somebody needs to be a hero, and it’s so true.

It is very hard to understand what you guys go through, that’s why I spend so much time on this forum. It helps me and my family tremendously to gain insight on what it is like to be in your shoes. I’m constantly walking around with my laptop reading things to my husband, it helps so much.

Have you ever thought about possibly sending your brother some helpful information, such as the book James’ sister highly recommended above? Just a thought.