Have you asked him to check in with you some way when he does this, just so that you don’t worry about him? Not put in a way of expressing your concern about what he is doing, but just as something he can do for you, as any parent might like.
1 Like
Our Jeb always returns. He must feel safer at home, even with all the delusions he has about us, the outside world must scare him more. His trips for groceries are amazingly short. I think sometimes he can’t get back here fast enough.
I’ve thought that if he suddenly stopped buying gas on his yearly trip, I would report the car as stolen as a way to find him - its in my name.
1 Like
I’ve asked this, he keeps his phone off though.
1 Like
I understand, I have dealt with similar behavior.
1 Like
Sometimes my son surprises me tho. If I found myself dealing with this, I would try very hard to (at least around him) not freak out, but express that I would really like to hear from him while he is away. And also send brief text messages in case he happens to turn on his phone. “Hi, hope things are going well for you.” “Raining here, hope you are seeing good weather.” etc.
3 Likes
I would always reach out in small ways as @Vallpen wrote. It was very rare to receive a response, so I didn’t text or call more than once a day and tried for less if I could.
3 Likes
Yes I do this now, I’ve learned this rather than the where are you? You can’t keep doing this etc.?
More of a matter of fact sort of way. I find it takes the pressure of us, and probably him too.
It’s strange as a lot of times it’s immediatley after he’s came over and hugged me then he will say , “please don’t report me missing mum, I will come back”
4 Likes
Do you suppose it is like stepping out in the real world and seeing if he’s missing anything? What motivates them? Is it adventure? What do they talk about when they get back? or is their lack of communication prevent them from telling you.
1 Like
With my son , I ask, he tells a little then days he doesn’t want to talk about it.
Mine will sometimes talk about it months later.
1 Like
Yes, it takes a little more than a year to hear about these things at our house.
2 Likes
It is interesting to see how varied our loved ones with MI are. And how sweet they can be. But even in sweetness, I urge you to be prepared. We found this vehicle tracking device on Amazon. Have not ordered it yet but will when we have a vehicle to install it on, although we will probably need to use the vehicle as leverage for our loved one to participate in a program to help him. Probably need a mechanic to install. Please comment if you have any other ideas or suggest devices.
On Amazon: TrackMate 3G - TOP RATED “DASH 3G” REAL TIME, HARD WIRED GPS TRACKER. NO CONTRACT. THOUSANDS OF SATISFIED CUSTOMERS WORLDWIDE. INTERNATIONAL SIM CARD INCLUDED. US BASED COMPANY.
1 Like
I agree that some sort of tracker would be practical, but I could never put any kind of tracking on my family member knowing how they feel about that stuff… I don’t even look at their facebook page
We’re all different with different approaches because all of our family members and our relationships are unique.
2 Likes
The tracker hope4us has mentioned is the best set up I found. My husband wouldn’t sign off on the relatively low monthly expense, his argument being “Jeb always comes back” and “Jeb will find the wiring to the battery and flip out”. The others I looked at had bad reviews or ran off their own batteries which need regular recharging. Jeb parks the car where he can keep an eye on it, regular recharging would require some regular stealth work around a guy with irregular hours and habits. I would have liked something like this that I could have installed when I take the car in for an oil change. This one runs off the car battery. My husband says we don’t need it. But I would like to have it.
2 Likes
Update for us is that I located our family member (who has “negative” symptoms of SZ) on a hunch at a major chain store parking lot. Had been gone for 3 months and we only had some idea of the location in another state due to credit/debit charges and toll booth violations mailed to our home! This manifestation of the illness results in catatonia, not paranoia. It’s a long amazing story, but due to ADVANCE work I did to notify hospitals in the area of our person’s history of catatonia in case our person showed up at any one of them (see articles on what to do in regard to a Missing Person mentioned elsewhere on the the SAMSHA website), our person was detained (danger to self) for @ 6 weeks (3 hospitals). Turns out that car was drivable but when we had it towed, insurance ruled it was a total loss. We said ‘GLADLY!!’ No more car!! We will use that check to pay medical bills! I traveled there for most of that time and visited hospital daily…my spouse came for a few days…good visits with our person, although refused to leave that state and refused meds. Involuntary civil commitment but 2nd civil court hearing ruled no longer a harm to self. Now our person continues to talk with us by phone, was released and is planning to come home for the holidays. Pray that it works out as the hospital did not involve us in discharge plans and our person, because of insistence to stay in that state, was taken to a 2-star hotel with clothes in 2 garbage bags and a phone, no car to navigate basic necessities, air travel, and transportation to airport. Our family member plans to return to that state but at least recognizes all the logistical issues…no job, no place to stay or put stuff, and money running out, and WANTS TO COME HOME. We’ll take the good while we have it. I’m incredibly thankful.
5 Likes
What really good news, thanks so much for the update. I hope yours makes it home - does your family member receive benefits to be able to pay the hotel bill and eat?
2 Likes
Thank you, Hope. Our special person has access to some savings which enabled the wandering
and is an authorized user on my credit card for emergencies (I reduced the limit some time ago, just in case). No benefits, although unless we have a supernatural healing, I expect we can make a case for that eventually. I don’t think we have enough “failure” in place to meet the criteria. That also presumes our person would agree to the application for benefits.
2 Likes
Yes, getting them to agree to apply is tricky. Mine would never have done it except for the need for immunosuppressive drugs to maintain his transplant. I think he tells himself the transplant is his disability.
2 Likes
What about you going to get him? Is that a possibility? That would ease any worries you have about him making the trip.
1 Like
The journey continues. Son flew home at his request on a one-way ticket due to he was unsure what date he would return to desired far away state (highly metropolitan). He immediately started saying “I think I need to go back…”. We had a good 2 days except for that and then he disappeared within 30 minutes of our leaving the house. Using my acquired PI skills, son had purchased a ticket to return to desired state via a layover elsewhere. Based on phone call records, we believed he missed his flight and stayed in our town. One week later we got a call from EMS on Christmas Day. He had paid for a week at an extended stay motel and had not checked out at end of week. Hotel management found him in his room in a semi-catatonic state. Found a boarding pass in his suitcase showing he took the first “leg” of his scheduled flight but at the layover town, flew back to our town on a different airline instead. Baffling, but I keep having to remind myself that there is very little logic in any of this. He also had purchased one of those rolling carts that homeless people push around. Now in local hospital and we are seeking emergency guardianship with the help of a recommended attorney. Working on plan for his release with a case manager. It’s probably a long shot since he is not medication compliant and is still refusing meds. We have seen him for a short period of time…he even greeted us with a small smile and “Merry Christmas” but was very quiet otherwise. Tonight he did not want to see us…he had told the tech “maybe tomorrow”. Hospital is doing what they can and there are still a lot of unknowns. The next week will be critical. We are OK…not great, but OK.
4 Likes