He can't live with me and my son anymore


My husband was arrested back in January for criminal mischief and was kicked out of my mother in-laws house which is where my son and I still live. Since then he has been living in a hotel. Initially, I was going to try and find an apartment for the 3 of us to live, but I became apprehensive. My dilemma at that time was that I would need to put his name on a lease in order to afford a 2 bedroom apartment but since he got himself arrested and his credit is really bad, I was not sure if they will rent to him. All of these major apartment complexes around here do background checks and for them to see criminal mischief with property damage on his record, they would surely reject us from leasing an apartment. As time went on, I started to realize that even if he is living with me, I don’t think I can depend on him to be present to pay his part of the rent. What I mean by “present” is staying out of a mental institution. If he is not around to pay half the rent, then my son and I will be homeless. My son is only 11 and I absolutely cannot do that to him or me.
He is constantly assuring me that he is taking his meds, but he still doesn’t seem okay. He is very distant and when I talk to him, he really has no reply to what I am saying. And today, my son stayed with him while I ran to the convenience store down the street real quick and when we left the motel, he told me that Dad was talking to himself again. He told me what my husband was saying and of course it was all negative just like it always is when he is having problems. And on top of that he tries not to talk to himself in front of me, but he does it in front of my son.
I have come to the realization that I can no longer live with him. There is no taking care of someone who is not willing to help himself. I have told him a million times that there is more to his illness than just taking medicine but he will not make the extra steps. He really has no insight into his own illness. Every time he has gone to the hospital, it was my doing, not his own. He never admits there is a problem and I am the one on the phone with the mobile psychiatric team getting him help. He just doesn’t see it. How much more am I suppose to put my son through.
Since not living with him the last 3 months, I feel at peace, but worried about him all at the same time. It seems like while my son doesn’t like his Dad not being here, he as acclimated to it. I was looking for an apartment for him that he could afford, but after today, I realized he will just lose it from not being able to hold it together. And I will not have the father of my son be homeless. I have done everything for him that I possibly can and I have endured more than most women with children would put up with, but this thing with getting arrested and the police at my house is really a whole new ball game for me. And the worst part is, is that I didn’t see it coming. He has become a master at hiding his illness and that scares the hell out of me because I don’t know what is coming next. I don’t fear for my life or my sons life, but at this point, I really don’t know what to expect…I honestly don’t know if it will escalate into something worse. I don’t know this man anymore, he is not the same guy I married. He became schizophrenic 3.5 years ago at the age of 45, I had 20 years prior to that with a totally different person.
I am going to call his doctor tomorrow and talk to her and tell her the situation. He needs to live somewhere where people can keep an eye on him because I really think he is headed for trouble again, only this time when he is jailed, he may not get out. Does anyone on this forum have experience with a loved one being moved to some sort of housing where they can be monitored and I don’t mean an institution? Please let me know.


I don’t have any personal experience, but my son was accepted into our county’s intensive community treatment program a few months ago.

If he needed serviced like that, they would help him with it. Some people they work with live in group homes, and that might be what your husband needs.

Maybe you can call your localities mental health services (here they call it the Community Service Board) and see if they have a similar program.

We’ve had some ups & downs with the program because the meds just weren’t right & they keep giving me examples of people who came in much worse than my son and are now working or going to school or otherwise living a better life thanks to the help they got from this program. They work with people like your husband and no how to handle the lack of insight.

I did have a delay getting him into the program though. Here, they only work with Medicaid & we had to jump through the hoops to get him that.


If you’re still with us please advise how things are. My sincerest sympathies sent and I pray you and your son are ok wherever you are.


I posted back in April 2017 of my current situation…since then he was jailed again in September for missing court. From jail, they sent him to a state mental hospital where he spent 2.5 months. In the midst of this, I moved my son and I to a one bedroom apartment and lived in peace for awhile. My husband was released from the hospital in mid-December and I let him come live with me. He seemed fine for a few weeks but now he is not doing so good again and I am up in the air as to what to do with him. It’s sad as he seems to do well for maybe less than a month everytime he is released from long term or short term stay. I am dealing with being the enemy again and it really is disheartening for me. The gave him Zyprexa this time and he seemed to have such insight into his illness and spoke about episodes of psychosis he had over the last few years and I really thought this was the “magic pill” that was going to really help him. And just like that, he stopped talking to me and now ignores me like I don’t exist…I just don’t understand how an illness can just explode with no warning. He has been home only 5 weeks and I feel like I am back to square one and am petrified that he will do something crazy and get us kicked out of here! He’ll be in the hospital or jail and my son and I will be homeless. I really wish I didn’t let him back here…the state hospital would have put him in temporary housing…i should have went with that but he sounded so good that I thought things would have been more under control! I will have to do something about him this week, but I don’t know what.


I’m so sorry you are having to make these decisions and going through this again.


It may be that his medication dose needs to be increased. As the body acclimated to meds, the needed dosage is higher. I see this with my daughter. Commonly they start with the minimum dose and work up from there as symptoms reappear. I would talk to his psychiatrist asap.


My daughter was diagnosed 4 years ago and meds didn’t help her that much. Sarcosine was like a miracle and it is an amino acid from http://Brainvitaminz.com. It is a life changer and made my daughter seem 100% normal. It worked so well that she thought she was healed and no longer takes it. We are trying to get her back on it. Lots of people are adding this to what they are doing and getting great results. :blush::yellow_heart:


Things are just getting worse with him: I was in the kitchen with him last night and it’s a little tight in there and I was cutting the meat. He opens the refrigerator door and bumps into me and says nothing and then he did it again. I said nothing to him but then he reaches for the cabinet right in front of my face, opens it to grab the salt and almost elbows me in the face and says absolutely nothing. So I said to him “excuse you…you almost elbowed me in the face” and he said I was over-reacting. I am not sure what to make of this but it is definitely a blatant disregard on his part for me. It’s like I wasn’t even standing there. I’m tired of every time he goes into psychosis, what I say is of no relevance. He’s nasty to me and ignores me…this is going on 4 years of this crap and I’m always, always the enemy. There is way more “psychotic time” than somewhat “normal time” …if that makes any sense. My son sees how he is toward me which bothers me even more. By all accounts he is doing things like keeping the apartment clean, cooking, keeping himself clean and going to his group meetings but he is not acting right. This illness is very cunning and he appears to be fine to the outside world but with me, I see right through it. He told me last night that I have been acting strange and I told him it’s not me, it’s you and he denied it. I just want Him to leave as this is never going to get better. I am worn out emotionally and physically from it but it’s difficult for me to tell him to leave because he is disabled and only gets SSI and an insurance check.


I feel for you, Ginger.
I was married to someone w paranoid schizophrenia, so I know how hard it can be.
Is he taking his medication? You have to insist on that in order for him to stay in the apt.Its really great that he’s doing all the hygiene and housework, though! Mine was not always clean or helpful w housework.
That slamming the fridge and reaching over you in the kitchen incident is a sign of aggression. Watch for any other aggressive behavoirs that could be a precursor to him becoming violent.
I think you got a taste of life on your own terms while he was gone and are less tolerant of living with someone who is symptomatic. And that’s not a bad thing!:blush:


Reading your post it sounds like you have your mind made up but don’t know how to proceed and deal with the guilt of wanting out. Since marriage and relationships are always a choice, you can choose not to be in one anymore. But only you can do that. Do you have a couple of trusted friends who can help you? If he is already prone to some kind of violence, I worry about you telling him to leave and being safe. I would definitely hide and lock up any weapons like guns or knives before you sit down and calmly but firmly let him know you want a divorce and for him to leave. You can offer to call him a cab and make a hotel reservation for him for a few nights. Or you can offer to find him another apartment in the same complex so he can be close by to see you. You could also contact the program you mentioned. For best success, try to have a solution for him, it will make it easier to accept. Most importantly, take safety precautions and have a friend nearby for help (preferably present with you as a witness or to call 911). Have a plan if he gets violent (run into a locked room with a phone and call police, have son stay elsewhere). You can contact a local YWCA domestic violence counselor who can help as well.

If you are just frustrated and venting, that’s fine too. But if you really want out, those may be some of your best options. Accept that you will destabilize him but that can’t be helped and isn’t your responsibility. You are not responsible for his mental illness.

With mental illness, responses can be difficult to predict and he sounds unstable already so please don’t take any chances or assume he won’t hurt you. Assume the worst, hope for the best. A breakup is never easy, a breakup with a severely mentally ill person who is unstable is risky at best and downright dangerous in general.

I hope this helps and I am her if you need/want to talk more.


They said everything very well…couldn’t say it better.

I’ve been in this spot.

Only thing I would mention is this: gather important documents and put them in a safe, quick to gather place. No matter what happens, you’ll need that. You don’t want to have to dig for them later…or have to order them again.

All my best of wishes.
It’s hard.


I hear what your saying about being less tolerant of his behavior since I was on my own for a bit but even so, all I did was worry about him and try and set things right with the court by talking to his public defender. I called him everyday and everyday he did not answer the phone as he was ignoring me. Finally in July, I called the psychiatric team to go to his hotel and evaluate him and he did a 10 day stay at a short term hospital. Again he came out and he seemed ok for the first 3 weeks and then he was back to ignoring me and my phone calls. I think what frustrated me the most about him not answering the phone is what if something happened to our son and I couldn’t get in touch with him and that honestly bothered me more than him not wanting to talk to me. On most nights he would call our son on his phone and then there would be 3 or 4 day time spans of him not calling him and that would make me worry. As a matter of fact that was how I found out he was picked up on a bench warrant: he hadn’t called my son in like 4 days and I looked his name up in the county jail system ( I knew at that time he had a warrant as the public defender called me and told me) and sure enough he was there.
I think the reason I feel less tolerant of his behavior is because the roof over my son’s head depends on it. I go to work everyday regardless of the way I feel as the roof over his head and the food he eats depends on it. I can’t have someone come along and destroy that for me or make me feel as if I can’t leave my son home with him or not feel safe leaving him alone in my apartment: all I think is what if he says something to the neighbors or the maintenance guy and the Main office starts calling me or sending me letters. I know it sounds paranoid but these last 4 years have made me fear the worst.


Well for what it’s worth, it’s not easy for a landlord to evict someone. The law tends to favor tenants in evictions. Sad, that I know this. From experiences w my ex-husband who had paranoid sz. Who yelled at the neighbors. Spent the rent money. Commited minor vandalism.
Still such bad behavoir doesn’t make it any less comfortable with the landlord or neighbors.
Is he on meds?


So today I called the mental health facility where he goes to group treatment and left a lengthy phone message on his counselor’s voice mail explaining to her everything that is going on at home. Later this afternoon I get a call from the móbile psychiatric team telling me they were called by the place where he has group to come there and evaluate him. It’s the same person I speak to most of the time when I have had to call on him myself. So he is now in the local hospital getting evaluated and hopefully they will send him to short term care for 7-10 days to adjust his meds so he can come out and be ok for another 3 weeks only to go backwards again. I told this lady on the phone that 4 years of his mental abuse was enough for me and that when he gets out I don’t think I am going to let him back here again. He can’t seem to stay stable for any length of time. I reminded her that when I called on him last January and they sent him to the same hospital only for them to release him the next day and 4 days later he was arrested for vandalism. She told me she would emphasize that to the hospital. I also told her he is displaying the same pattern of psychosis and that something bad is going to come of it. Hopefully they will listen to me this time! It’s been at least 4 hours and the hospital has not called me for my input as to what is going on!


Ginger, I think you are moving towards the right conclusion for you and your son. I hope you hear from them soon and have the strength to do whatever you decided.


Hi Ginger,

I wonder if he was pretending to take his meds ?
It can’t be healthy for you or son anymore to be around this.
I know what being overinvolved is like. Calling the hospital everyday. Being the one doing visits every day, doing the leg work.
We make it worse for them by spoon-feeding them. Let him feel the consequences, it’s the only way.
The elbow to the face is an act of violence.
The apathy, the blame-shifting, the resentment showed by silence…it’s good he was willing to do housework, etc, my schizophrenic sibling does not. It’s infuriating.


Antiphycotics kill your dopamine receptors. There’s no joy, pleasure, or sense of satisfaction. My sister quit taking her medication after reading an article about a long term case study. It said schizophrenics who didn’t take meds had a better quality of life and less episodes. She’s trying diet and exercise… she read another article about a group of schizophrenic men who would go camping together and encouraged each other in diet and exercise, and how it’s possible to recover. I did some of my own reading and came across a lot of new research suggesting anti phycotic drugs make things worse and that there’s no real benefit.


APs do not ‘kill’ your dopamine receptors. They may reduce mania and some people enjoy their mania but that mania is also what leads people to do stupid things, get into fights, try to fly off bridges, kill themselves, etc.

Psychosis DOES give you brain damage, gradually destroying both cognition and insight.

The people who can recover without APs are the people who have one SINGLE episode of psychosis and no more. If psychosis recurs, it primes the brain for repeated episodes and you will not recover without APs but are on a downward trajectory.

If you take APs consistently, the tendency to psychosis (the priming I mentioned above) decreases and the dosage can be gradually reduced to a minimum. The best longevity is achieved by people on Long Acting Injectables.

Certainly, good nutrition, exercise, trips into nature would complement medical treatment but they are not a cure.

Before APs and in previous centuries, as well as in developing countries, people lived and lived lives much closer to nature and with wholefoods and closer communities. People still got sz and bipolar. They lived their lives banished from towns, chained to walls or raving and begging in cities, even executed for heresy (for their Messiah delusions).

Pursuing health is good but losing insight and pursuing delusion, not so much


The whole point of anti phycotics is to block your dompamine receptors. It’s like a lobotomy in a pill. The only reason lobotomys quit being done is because they came out with antiphycotics. Over long term use it shrinks your frontal lobes, and strips you of nutrients, that make the condition even worse. There are plenty of study’s indicating that the side effects of the medication out weigh the Benifits, and people who didn’t take them fared better in the long run. There are also indicators that schizophrenia can be a brain allergie to certain foods. It could also be copper toxicity. There are people who have gotten better from heavy metal detoxing. Euthinization would be more humane than the detrimental effects of Anti Phycotic drugs.


Bulliocks. Please cite the studies that show that that AP drugs are not beneficial, that they shrink the brain. The disease does that.