Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Healing from her

I’ve had to move out of my flat yet again to get away from her as my mental health was suffering and I felt like I was going mad. She was talking to herself in her flat all day and when I asked her to stop she wouldn’t.

Have had to move back in with my parents. I’m 39 years old. I’m still paying for the flat. She does it on purpose. I’ve had enough. I don’t know what I’m going to do now with my life. Everything I’ve done has been consumed by her for the past few years, worrying about her, thinking about her, and it was all a show. She’s been putting a lot of it on to make me go crazy or to drive me away from her just for badness. Well, it’s worked. I need my own life. I’ve never met anyone who hates me as much as she does. She’s ruined my life for the past few years. Anything good I did, she nitpicked at and tried to sabotage - relationships, sport, in short anything that wasn’t sanctioned or approved of by her.
I’ll say it again: I think this so called illness is just narcissism run riot, pure and simple. I’ll need time to recover from the spell she’s had me under for so long. SHe’s a fucking nut - that’s all I can say. MEntal, absolutely mental.

If she’s talking to herself, she’s pretty crazy. Needs meds or something to calm her thoughts down.

Sure she might behave like a child. However, saying everyone with this illness is narcisstic shows the amount of bias that you have. Speak for your own family member. I am a successful professional in finance with schizohrenia. Not everyone is like your family member.

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I completely understand why you’re feeling that way. The same thoughts go through my mind about my sister. I know it takes a lot of willpower but you have to be the bigger person and just accept that she is that way now and no one can change her except herself. You are taking the right step to focus on yourself and look at it as a good thing that you have time away from her now. You’re doing amazing deeds for your family, your parents especially. They know how much you’re giving. Your sister doesn’t hate you, she has issues with herself and just blames everyone which is a common symptom. It could also be jealousy, my sister is always comparing our lives. Instead of communicating with her, try communicating with the doctors and to find the right cocktail of medications for your sister. Work with local mental health facilities for help and support. Maybe she can try a board and care or other assisted living. Best of luck with your healing<3

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this is very good advice. I agree 100%.

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Apologies, you’re right. I was just angry and made a hurtful blanket statement. Sorry.

Hi Jjkim,
I know I’m the bigger person. But I’m not going to have anything more to do with her. She’s on her own now. She’s 35 years old. She’s not my responsibility. I’ve done enough for her. She’s just been putting it on anyways, especially the compulsive lying. I confronted her about it and she practically gave me an admission - that she was being difficult in order to drive me away.
I’m no longer a carer for her; I’m a carer for myself. It’s not my responsibility to help her in any way.

@hermana80 I respect your decision, it could definitely be healthier for you. Just hope that you don’t harbor those angry feelings and know that her behavior is from a chemical imbalance in her brain. Take care.

Everybody sounds spot on here I think.
I do want to say that I understand the feeling/perception that you think she’s doing it on purpose. It could be the case but certainly could be part of the illness. I know I’ve often felt that with my ill partner. Sometimes I thought he was intentionally trying to provoke or drive me insane so he wasn’t looked at as the crazy one :woozy_face:. He has done things specifically to try and gaslight or sabotage any kind of meaningful relationship he and I could ever have. Don’t know if he finds it fun, like some kind of sadistic/narcissistic game or if he truly has no ability to process the consequences. The conclusion I came to was that in reality he has in his life been able to maintain no other close meaningful relationships sans with one of his brothers who successfully manages his own MI. So I figure someplace deep he doesn’t believe he is either worthy of meaningful relationships and intentionally manipulates and sabotages them or he is just plain scared. Meaningful relationships require a good amount of Honesty with Self. I think this in and of itself scares the s*** out of him. He has a very hard time accepting responsibility for his choices and actions and events. Often chooses an ‘alternate reality’. One he fabricates and one of his choosing that doesn’t require him to self-assess.
Good for you for trying to take care of your SELF and health and wellbeing. Stay strong!