I left my sz husband


#1

Hi,
I’m new on here as a loved one. My husband has recently been diagnosed with schizoaffective, plus he’s a recovering alcoholic who relapses occasionally and at those times becomes verbally abusive towards me, neglects our kids, and once became physically abusive to me. He was just diagnosed sza in April and our kids have been in foster care since December due to his behavior.
At this point in the DSS case and for my sons’ best interest I made him leave our home (after he acted strange for 3 days and “ran away from home” for 3 days, probably to drink, making abusive phone calls in the meantime (likely while drunk).
DSS has advised me to file a separation agreement ASAP and it’s almost inevitable I’ll get sole custody of the kids. I really think I did the right thing but part of me feels guilty because I neglected to learn about sza and how to help him and I still love him and most times he’s the sweetest man in the world, except when he has these episodes like 3x a year.
I am also hurting for my 1 and 2 yr olds bc they’re acting out bc they haven’t seen “Dada” in 3 weeks bc he was in the hospital, then detox, then I don’t know why.
Has anyone else left their sz spouse for their kids? Please share your story. How can I help my kids?
I should add that I was once diagnosed sza (it’s since changed to major depression) but although I had all the symptoms I never acted the way he does.
I’m looking for any reassurance I can get. I did all I knew to help him.
I’m also afraid of what he’s capable of doing to me psychologically… he lied and told DSS I have a boyfriend (I don’t) and that I was planning to kidnap the kids to Florida. (They increased my unsupervised visitation by a day and 6 hrs nonetheless.) He’s VERY paranoid it seems… or is he manipulating me using his “illness” to get back at me? It’s like he’s 2 or 3 people and I can’t figure (them) out.
Please inform!
Btw he’s also living supposedly in a halfway house for now and he claims his meds were doubled.
Thanks,

LC


#2

In my opinion, you are doing the only thing you can. Your children have to be the first priority. Does your husband have any other family members or close friends willing to help him? He does need help as well. If there is anyone you can contact to help him it would be very good.

As to his accusations. I couldn’t say for certain but it is quite possible he believes them. Even if he is on medications he can still be delusional and even hallucinate. It depends on how well the medications work for him.


#3

Try not to feel guilty for putting yourself and your children first. As caregivers we sometimes forget that we matter too. Your children need to be your first concern. Doing this doesn’t mean that you love him any less only that you love yourself and your children enough to do what you think is best. It is never to late to learn about sza and you can still do this. You can be supportive without being manipulated or abused. He may not understand what you are doing right now however once on the right medications and receiving the proper treatment there is always hope that one day you guys can build a relationship again. If this doesn’t happen then you still did the right thing by giving your children a safer environment to grow up in.