HELP! My mom is a schizophrenic

I imagine that even if you were able to care for her full-time her expectations and “list of demands” would only continue to grow. I think you’re doing a great job and you’re doing everything you can to help her. Like you said, you have to take care of yourself too. It seems like sometimes her comments take an emotional toll on you. Try not to feel guilty about it. I know it’s easier said than done, but she has shelter, clothes, food, and people to watch over her. She is being cared for even if it’s not in the way either of you thought it would be.

To put it in perspective, consider that she’s in much better living conditions than what she was able to provide for you when you were a child. As the others have said, this illness makes the people suffering from it unable to think clearly and sometimes they say horrendous, hurtful things. You are a good son.

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Thank you. I appreciate your words.

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So reading through these posts have made me realize something that I’ve been dreading to acknowledge.

Although not diagnosed at this time, I’m nearly 100% certain my mother is schizophrenic after having a psychotic break a little over a month ago.

After my parents divorced about 16 years ago, things changed with my mother. She wasn’t as attentive to my brother and I, immediately took on a new relationship, and began to fill our heads with tales of our (horrible rotten father who took everything she had). I’ve been told this since the age of 11-12 … and now at 26… so many things are making sense now.

Stories with grand details about how our father stole from her (he never did… he’s a successful medical professional who was and is still a fantastic father and grandfather to my daughter), how he abused her, how he ruined her life (my mother cheated on my father).

I had to hear things things, and still do to this day. It wasn’t until about a month ago that things got absolutely out of control. My mother took a trip to visit family out of state… and within days was kicked out of their home. She was telling family that demons were following her, that an alien had made the trip with her, and that they needed to get the house blessed. She berated family members, texted all close family and told them she hated them, they were trash, and that they were worthless. It only got worse from there.

Just today I received a message saying that my aunt, her husband, and my mothers ex boyfriend were murdered while attempting to rob a hotel and casino in Las Vegas. I quickly verified that everyone was okay… and then panic set in. This doesn’t seem like drugs; I think my mother actually believes that these things have occurred. Im overseas for work and unable to see her in person, but I’ve heard that she’s been harassing neighbors, telling them to call her a limo, and said she was helping to investigate a homicide for the police.

I’m devastated.

We’ve had such a rocky relationship since the divorce and have always been cautious around her as she has always loved to badmouth me (to my wife while I’m not around, same for my brother and our dad), and it’s gotten exhausting.
Now I’m 26, married, happy, successful and concerned about how this could seriously cause issues with my family.
My mother recently accused my father in law of assaulting her (he never did), and has said that my aunt and cousin stole her identity and took thousands from her (also never happened).
This is all so fresh, so shocking, and concerning and I’m not sure what to do.

My mother has her own home, was a nurse for 30+ years and has always had a steady income and a nice home. Now, she’s on the verge of losing everything and she’s already conned family out of thousands of dollars over the years.

I feel helpless and guilty. She’s told me I was awful just like my father… for nearly 2 decades. She’s told my wife that she should divorce me and take our daughter (while I was away in Afghanistan), and I keep learning more every day. We have the money, but I know I can’t help her because she’s so bad with money, it would disappear and cause tension between my wife and I.

I don’t mean to rant and drag on in this thread, however, I’m at a loss… and writing this has been helpful.

She has ruined the relationship between myself, my brother, my wife, father, her closest friends, and it continues. She was taken in for a 5150 hold just a few days ago and manipulated her way through the system. She said she was going to sue everyone at the facility and they were all incompetent. She doesn’t think anything is wrong, denies any drug use, and will not stop with far fetched stories. As soon as someone tries to call her, she rejects the call and stops all communication.

I’m so worried that she’ll end up losing her job, her house, and everything. I’m paying for my wife’s college, working overseas months at a time, all while trying to protect my beautiful daughter and wife from the trauma and drama arising from this situation.

I don’t know what to do… I just want to say thank you to all who have shared on this thread.

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It’s okay. Rant away, you’re not alone. This all sounds too familiar. Be cautious moving forward, the most important thing is to keep yourself and family safe. My mother still makes wild claims and verbally attacks the people I love. It won’t change. She won’t change. This is the reality she’s subscribed too.

I learned to put boundaries in place. I learned to understand that I can’t control her outcome. I try my best to not take the verbal attacks personally (although they still hurt, and make me very frustrated). It’s only a projection of the hell she’s experiencing in her mind. You need to take a step back and become an observer of the situation instead of getting sucked into delusions.It’s difficult and challenging to make peace with the situation.

At the very least get her diagnosed and on proper meds asap. Hopefully it can suppress the symptoms and keep her balanced enough to not lose everything. In my case, my mother could never hold a job, she’s always been dependent on others before and post diagnoses. Hang in there, stay strong!

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I appreciate the kind and encouraging words … it just seems like it came out of nowhere.

She’s always had a job, always been independent, fun and surrounded by friends… but deep down we’ve always seen the manipulation, stories, outlandish claims and she was diagnosed previously as narcissistic and histrionic. Now, it’s just gotten so much worse.

I tried to call her yesterday to check on her and she affirmed those feelings of dread id been having. She said she was attacked, had her identity stolen, and said she was on her way to a care facility to work with the dr. Phil show.

It was heartbreaking to hear her say these things out loud and know that they’re all untrue. She won’t get the help she needs unless forced. Police have been to her house 4 times in the last few days because she called them; when they’re there, she’s tells them to leave and they just think she’s a crazy lady. It’s terrible.

If she doesn’t get back on her medication, get help, or new meds… I have no idea what the outcome will be.

Your story of your childhood mimics exactly what my younger brother and I went through… We were a low-income family and I never questioned our living situations with roaches; dusty blinds always closed; mattress on the floor, but my aunt was the one who got a social worker that was able to get us into a temporary foster home so that my mom would be able to get into recovery… I was taken away from my mom at the age of 10. If I may ask, how were you able to find a facility for your mom? What kind of a facility is this?

My current situation is somewhat difficult at this point because my mom lived in the back house of my uncle. She was able to be self-sufficient, showering, cooking on her own, and taking her own meds. However, recently she had an argument with my uncle and refused to take meds, in which it caused her relapse.

I hate to send her to an assisted living for the mentally ill of this sort, but at this point… she will not let me go to work and let me go to school for my higher degree… and she will not let me leave the house unless she goes with me or unless my brother comes and relieves me… If I tell her that I am going to work, she insists on sitting in the car and waiting for me… and I work the night shift for 12.5 hours… She is enforcing for my brother and I to watch her 24/7 , around the clock… At this time, my brother and I have succumb to her demands because she had suddenly relapsed and we want to be there for her. We did go to her psych doc to increase her dose… We are waiting for the increased meds to work…

Like you, I also debated on having my mom move in with me because I recently bought a 3 bedroom house… However, I think that due to the situation she is going through, she may run my house as if it was her own… lacking boundaries… Looking for some guidance.

Welcome to this site @Libra , I am sorry that your mother has relapsed and is playing havoc with your life. Read through as many threads as you can, you will probably get helpful ideas that way.

Ideally, your mom could get back on meds and go back to your uncle’s back house, but if not, being a caregiver will change your life totally, and perhaps not for the best at all until/unless your mother stabilizes again.

If you are near a NAMI group, you might find some help there to get your mother into a home. In my state, that is pretty much only possible if the person is indigent and on state/federal aid.

Take care of yourself as you try to sort out the crisis with your mother’s care. It is very important to give yourself time and care when you are involved in a caregiving problem of this magnitude.

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Hello @oldladyblue . Thank you for the welcome.

I am hoping to get my mom back to my uncle’s house. I am already her caregiver for only a few hours a weeks as allotted by the government through IHSS. Prior to her relapse, she was able to cook for herself, take her own meds, and do all that. Pre-relapse, she was able to care for herself with only the need for me to take her to the market and ensure she has taken meds every few days; for me to pick up her meds from the pharmacy; and to attend her psych doc appointments with her.

However, due to her relapse, my mom is enforcing that someone stay with her 24/7 and having my brother and I switch “shifts”. This is causing a strain because some days my brother and I have schedules that coincide with each other. Due to this relapse, she is unable to cook for herself for some days, unable to know from what is reality and what is not… so at times she will walk out the front door and stand outside for hours.

She has a history of schizophrenia for 12 years, and relapsed a month ago due to an argument she had with my uncle. She did not take meds for a few days and the relapse happened. Since that incident, she is back on meds since a month ago with an increased dose. I am waiting for 2 months more for some improvements because the psych doc says that is how long medications take sometimes… If there are no improvements, I will need to bring her into an inpatient psych facility for a 5150 so that an actual in-patient in-house psych doc and psychiatry team can tend to her because I cannot keep supervising her 24/7.

I am in my mid 20’s and I am on the verge of losing my job because of my mom’s requests… a job that I have studied so hard in college for… a career that I am able to afford a house in my mid 20’s. A six figure paying job… in which my mom (with her paranoia and all) have told me to quit because she told me that my job doesn’t want me there… (lol).

Some may say or feel that I am abandoning my mom, but because I am her child she does not listen to what I have to say and is keeping me hostage in my own home… I can’t even go outside to the market unless someone relieves me. She fails to have boundaries with me because she sees me as a child and tells me that I should listen to her because she is the adult (which I presume to be normal since I am her child). However, I cannot continue this toxicity, negativity, and manipulation even if this is due to her schizophrenia.

Her social worker should be coming to her house in a month or so. I will be discussing with the social worker and picking their brain regarding benefits and living arrangements for my mom.

I don’t think you will find any negativity towards you on this forum, or anyone who says you are abandoning your mom, even if you walk out on her to make sure that you keep your job. All of us caregivers have different stories, and different scenarios, and made different choices to handle those scenarios, even though we share the same problem in our loved ones. Schizophrenia manifests in many ways, and there are many paths to choose from as a caregiver. You can love your mother and hate her behavior. It is OK.

The first thing I think of is to hire a strong willed companion immediately, so that both you and your brother can get out of the house as needed. If you are in the US, your closest NAMI group might be able to give ideas. Even if you have to distract her with a new companion and sneak out the door to get to work, that just might have to be the way you handle it.

When my adult daughter was first psychotic, I was afraid and ashamed to ask for help.
As time passed, I learned to call the police on her as needed. There were 5 total forced hospitalizations in a 2.75 year period. There were also two arrests. I went to court after her 2nd arrest to let the judge know she had a severe mental illness and to ask for his help to get her medicated (court order).

My situation was different than yours, but my point is do NOT be afraid to call in help as needed. Strong help. Perhaps she can be forced inpatient at a facility right away if she is a threat to you, your brother or herself. Perhaps her social worker can be contacted and help you out NOW, not in a month.

I left my daughter at home alone when needed even when she was raving at invisible people 24/7 because it was more important that I work than to watch her. She didn’t listen to me anyway, if I WAS watching her do something silly. She would leave the house and go scream at people on the streets sometimes, I couldn’t stop her. Only court ordered successful medicine broke the psychosis. She’s doing well now but in March it is 4 years since her schizophrenia began. Only the last year has been calm.

You have to break the psychosis of your mother ruling your own life. I’m not sure how you will do it, but it must happen. You can’t be hostage in your own home and stay in good shape yourself. You MUST take care of yourself first, and her second. Just like the airlines tell parents to put on their oxygen masks and lifevests first, so they are safe to help their loved ones second.

I wish you all the best, the help and advice I got on this forum enabled me to make choices I would have been afraid to do otherwise. Read and pray and cry (if you need to) until you work out some of the hard choices.

Hi @Libra, I apologize for the delay in response. In my case, my mother had the same conservator for the past 20 years. She’s been on government assistance since I can remember. We lived off food stamps and WIC when I was young. It was only when her illness started to become more severe that she started pressuring me to take over conservatorship. It started to become a thing, were her conservator was the bad guy, and I was the next person to do the job. Before our visits were me taking her out on outings and running errands. As her living situation became unstable, her conservator placed her on hospital hold (out of the many 5150 holds since diagnosis). She was in the hospital for about 6 to 8 months before there was an available bed at a local assisted care facility for mental health. From what I know it was made available through state resources and availability. I suggest you request resources from social workers to see what kind of help is available in your state/city. I mimic @oldladyblue’s advice on:

You have to break the psychosis of your mother ruling your own life. I’m not sure how you will do it, but it must happen. You can’t be hostage in your own home and stay in good shape yourself. You MUST take care of yourself first, and her second. Just like the airlines tell parents to put on their oxygen masks and lifevests first, so they are safe to help their loved ones second.

When you’re the child, that ends up becoming the parent, of your parent who unfortunately might have not been there emotionally as the parent you may have needed as a young child - it can come with trauma and blackholes in emotional development - your internal work has to be one of your highest priorities as an adult - it can be extremely difficult without proper boundaries.

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Hello @SonOfSzMom, I totally relate to that “feeling like a star of some psychic show” scenario, as a schizophrenic.

I’ve had that sensation since about 2014, after having abused the nootropic Piracetam for a long time. It took some supplements to pull me out of it: “Daily Essential Nutrients” by Hardy Nutritionals, Amyloban 3399 and some Orthomolecular meds (1 gram Inositol Hexanicotinate and 1 gram Vitamin C). I also take 2 mg Haldol.

I started the Daily Essential Nutrients about 109 days ago, and it reduced my chronic, rip-roaring headache and SZ symptoms a few percent every day, to where I am now, feeling fairly close to normal and head pain-free. Well enough to want to get back into academia, albeit working from home (I’m not good enough to want to go out regularly yet.)

I’m not fully out of the “show” yet though. It’s a grind to heal the blood-brain barrier damage that causes schizophrenia. I still get very quiet voices here and there but they’ve been mostly off as of late. Eventually I’ll get back into regular reality.

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Hi,

I’m very sorry to here that this is happening to you and your family. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was 15 but I am doing well now and will be graduating with my Bachelor’s in social work this coming May. I live with my mom and I know that she has felt very frustrated with me at times; but my advice is to take things slow and try to achieve the things that you can with your mom. Schizophrenia is a devastating illness but with professional help and medication many people can lead productive lives.

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I am so glad to hear you are doing well Lia! And that you are about to get your Bachelor’s. Very well done!!