Glad to help. Be well!
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Hello Lost70 and welcome to the forum. I am married to someone with SZ and the symptoms you mention I have been through before only my husband ignores me mostly as he knows I am on to his relapse. I have been accused of having same sex affairs… why? I do not know as I am clearly not gay; been with my husband for 23 years; dating, living together & married with one son! I have no idea where this comes from but it is paranoia at the end of the day. I am not a doctor but it sounds like paranoid schizophrenia as my husband also has delusions of people coming after him. I agree with Jan, if you feel your life is in danger then call an officer and have him escort you off the premises of your house. It is so unfortunate to live in a state where there is no help for people like him and you! My husband has been in and out of institutions for the last 4.5 years due to late onset schizophrenia and it is not easy to deal with when you have no place to go. I have been fortunate in NJ as they seem to have a better mental health system than most other states.
The one thing that got me thru tough decisions is putting my son first. I had to ask myself if this was a suitable situation for my son? I had to stop worrying about what my husband was thinking or feeling and focus on my son and only my son. I had to stop taking my feelings into account as I am an adult and see things differently than a child. I am still dealing with my husband when he is not institutionalized which is becoming far and few in between, but making decisions to have him hospitalized has become easier. My marriage will never be the same, I see him as only family now and not an intimate partner, husband or partner in crime as he used to be. And there was a mourning process I went Through! But he is still family so I make sure he is where he needs to be. Get yourself some help and keep us posted!
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Thank you ginger. I know now I’m not alone in this world…there’s others like me…I wish I could get him in a hosp so they could help him.every attempt I made I couldn’t do anything cause he had to harm himself or another…even tho I’ve told them what he does he’s smart he knows how to act when someone’s around like them…not always do I feel in danger just sometimes…I don’t know if he will snap or what.it scares me to think if he would or would not do something aweful…I am however scared in the way of him knowing I’m on here for example…he would have a fit I’d never hear the end of it that kinda fear I face a lot…if I look at something or someone I’ll have to hear it fussing and what not…he also ignore me when he’s in what I call his own world he talks to himself and blocks us all out…and like you said about a mourning process I think I’m going thru that now …I know my marriage won’t be the same I see him different also now and its hurting me so bad …I want my life we had instead of what is now…its like I miss him and he’s here just not here as before…my son will come 1st I’m trying now to find us a place to go. I’m want to make sure I have what he needs and a place befor I make my move to leave cause I know I can’t come back…i m not even working now I’ve had so manys changes take place in my life I’m down on the ground trying to pick what’s left of my life…a lot has happened I haven’t even begin to tell all my story.
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I’m sorry if I don’t make scene …I have so many mixed up feelings right now that I don’t know were to start…I feel guilty for thinking of my own feelings…I’m hurting inside deep in my heart…I feel like I’m dieing inside …like there’s no hope… Sometimes once in awhile I feel a tiny bit of hope then he starts and I’m right back down…I have no friends…no family expect my kids all they got is me …I’m weak now I didn’t use to be…I’m scared and I’m tired very tired…life sure don’t go the way we want? My heart is tired…I don’t know how to make it better nor change what’s happens…things said and done…I’m ashamed I don’t even go into our town much I’ll go miles out of the way just for grocery’s…hes told people that I slept with fithy men once had them lined up…people that don’t know me…I can’t even imagen what they must think…my husband hardly touch’s me…he said cause I been with so many men I’m a pice of trash…he’s cheated on me in the past I forgave him and I’ve never gave him a reason to acouse me …he satires at women and has even tried to get his friends wife to go with him…told her all about men he thinks I been with…told her he had a right to cheat if he wants to. She came to me and told me and said he just talked so bad about me so I told her I that he had a problem I was so ashamed…I wish I knew were to start my life over at and how…I had back surf two years ago and I’ve had problems with it scene …I’m not working cause of it but that’s not the main reason main is he won’t let me said I’m just wanting to leave house so I can cheat…I got a lot off my heart today thanks
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My heart aches for you Lost. Hugs.
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Please don’t ACH for me pray for me .my kids and my husband…
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Yes. I will. I pray for all of us. The pain we all feel could fill an ocean.
You are not alone.
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Thank you and I’ll pray for us all also…yes and that’s a big place…I know there has to be a reason for us all to go through this I just wish I knew what it was…I feel so alone …he looks at me with hate …if he knew how much I did love him…
I think the only reason we all have to go through the heartache and pain of all of this is because brain diseases exist in this world, and there are currently no cures for these diseases.
You didn’t cause this. None of this is your fault. You cannot fix this. You can only try to manage this. Managing this means taking care of yourself and your children first, then hoping something happens that forces your husband to start anti-psychotic medication. He has a brain disease that requires meds.
Your husband is still there. He’s just extremely ill and psychotic. We all travel this road. When he’s on meds, you will have him back. He will again know how much you love him.
Have hope. It’s what we need to stay strong. You can do this.
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If only I could get him to just talk to a Dr…mebe he would see something’s wrong…there have been times I think he can tell something is wrong with him he just won’t admit.cause there been times he say you know my mind ain’t thinking write …and that tells me he can tell at times then its right back to bad thots…abt a year after this really started I was late 15mins picking him up at work I was late cause I was stuck in store trying to get out lots of people in line…he was walking and it was by a shopping center he stopped me next thing I know he opened the door and started hitoing me upside my head …I didn’t know what had happen it happens so fast…a man was in the lot he seen it called law he got locked up for two days that’s what’s kept him I think from hitting me again…he knows he will go to jail.
Ok. I’m so glad someone was in the lot to help you when your husband was physically aggressive towards you. Now you know what your husband’s illness can make him do. Don’t let this happen again. Keep yourself safe. While your husband is not medicated, he’s not safe. Don’t forget this.
Many people who have brain diseases often are not able to recognize that they have an illness, that their brain is “playing tricks on them”. This condition is called anosognosia. Your husband is not in denial. He is just experiencing this condition of anosognosia. From what I’ve read, the illness impacts and damages the part of the brain that contributes to “self-awareness”. This lack of self-awareness is why our loved ones have no filter in what they say (they say the first thing that enters their mind). It’s why our loved ones don’t take care of their hygiene. It’s why our loved ones don’t realize they’re sick.
None of this is your fault, but none of this is your husband’s fault either. It’s just the awful disease.
Sometimes your husband is more aware of his strange thinking, and other times he’s not. That’s very common. Any kind of stress can cause him to become unaware and psychotic again.
Stress can be from work, a bad sleep, too much social interaction, too much noise, too much light, too many questions being asked, drugs/alcohol, kids yelling, criticism, and so many other things.
This is all information from my own family’s experience and my own research. Every case is different, but there are a lot of similarities in all of our stories.
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I’m so glad I meet you on here you seem to know a lot…I have noticed when he gets stressed he starts saying those things more and more.even adds new stuff…hes started saying I’ve sued someone in his name me and his mama and got all this money we hiding from him…will this ever go away?? Or do we have to live with it the rest of our life’s? What can I do to get him help?I’m worried his thoughts have made him hate me not love me anymore.when he starts talking that way what should I do? Do you have any tips for me?
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The reason I know a lot is because of this web site. There’s so much to learn and there’s so much information here.
My suggestions would be:
When you’re accused of something, calmly say “I didn’t do that and I never will. You can believe me or not, but that‘s my truth”. Say this once or twice, but then remove yourself from the conversation. Don’t argue because there’s no point. You’re not dealing with a person who can think clearly and rationally.
Paying too much attention (arguing) to the paranoid delusional accusations just makes the delusions stronger and even more deep-rooted. Try to prevent this from happening. Don’t argue anymore.
Other than that, just know that medication will help your husband’s brain, so his mood can be more relaxed and his thinking can be more clear. It can get better.
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I agree with you… I do try to avoid him when he starts…I’m going to work harder each day to avoid any disagreements …its hard tho when he says it with such hate. I try and think OK he’s not him right now…something’s got to change soon tho I see him leaving me cause his heart is so full of what he thinks is true if only he could see its not…I just want what’s best for us all.I’m even thinking of leaving if things don’t change…I have been reading and reading up on this and if I can’t get him to go get meds then I just don’t see a change.
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If you’ve been married 30 years, I’m assuming your husband is at least 50. It’s rare for schizophrenia to suddenly emerge at this age.
I’d suggest that you meet with your family physician to share your concerns. Though psychosis is a possibility, your husband’s symptoms might represent any of a number of disorders–a brain tumor, drug use, late-stage alcoholism (Korsakoff’s), the early stages of dementia, or other medical conditions.
Your husband needs to have a thorough medical and perhaps neurological evaluation (I realize that could be challenging to obtain, if he’s really suspicious).
You need more facts–if you’re able to obtain them–before deciding what to do.
I wish you well. This has got to be a horrible and horrifying way to live.
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My husband is 51 next month he will be 52… It is a hard life …I’m scared of what the future holds for us as we get older…I’ve been with him many years and I hate what has happens…I wish I knew what was wrong…I been thinking of moving from my home town…if I just had a name for whats wrong then I’d know what is robing us of our life we once had.maybe I could help him the way he needs help.I agree with what you said…I’ve looked up and read and read it could be a lot of stuff he needs a good Dr…just getting him to go…
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Yes, getting him to go will be a challenge. But if you could talk to your own doctor (who perhaps is also his doctor?) about his symptoms, you’d likely get farther than from talking to strangers here online.
If your physician can’t help, then I’d advise you to talk to a psychologist. They’re trained in mental health issues, after all, and could give you a lot of support in dealing with your husband’s symptoms.
My own psychotherapist has been very helpful as I deal with my older daughter’s delusional disorder.
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It was AFTER we met with our family doctor again and again about my husbands behavior and challenges that he got help.
It was AFTER we seperated and things grew worse.
It was AFTER another arrest and now forced hospitalization.
It was AFTER his pdoc from that hospitalization told me that we now needed a restraining order that he got help.
And it wasn’t from the hospital.
It was from our family doctor, who continued to be there for husband.
It was from this SAME family doctor, who sat with my husband while he was sobbing and wondering “what happened?” that he got help.
It was finally the right time, the right person.
Someone besides ME.
Took more years of his getting help on his own, before we could “date” and connect again.
It was worth it.
It was hell.
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I have no friends nor family expect my kids…two of my kids have autism…im here just cause it was better to let some of the hurt out by just telling what he’s doing and done…in hopes somebody may have seen these kinda signs…
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I’m going to say that you missed a chance. When he attacked you in the parking lot that was the actual PROOF that he is a danger to you. At that point he could have been detained and had a psych evaluation which would have revealed his paranoid ideation. You need to prioritize your safety and your children’s safety now. People with untreated paranoid schizophrenia ARE the ones who sometimes murder the entire family while they are under a delusion. You need to keep a record of his behavior over a couple of weeks - the threats, the delusions about people hunting him, the talking to himself and go to his and your doctor and report it. Find out what happens round your way if you have an emergency. Start to make plans to have him detained. Believe me, like many other people here, that involuntary detention was the beginning of RECOVERY for my loved one. It’s not a bad thing to do, it’s good
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