Hi @maria1 , when I pass, the house goes into the trust and my son and my husband’s youngest sister will manage the trust until my daughter passes. My daughter and husband have life rights to the house (i.e. live there until they die). After me, my daughter and my husband are done, my sons, her brothers, can dissolve the trust and do what they like with the house.
Hi j9sit,
I was wondering how your situation had played out! I remember you were at the end if your rope and feeling you had no options.
I’m so happy your brother is doing well in the nursing home. Did they put him on medication?
Hi Hanginginthere,
Yes my brother was on resperidol from the moment he entered the hospital because I told them he was on that medication. He has been compliant so far and I have seen real differences. For example, I do not see him actively talking to voices. Not to say he does not have voices but maybe they are not as loud as they were before.
We bought our SZ son (age 32) a condo… he destroyed it and ended up inviting a homeless person to live with him. That required me calling the police. He now lives in an apartment complex with other mentally ill individuals… has been there for 10 years- unmedicated (refuses)… being evicted because he beat in the windows with a bat. He blames me for all of this (no one ever said I was SZ… you made it up) and wants to kill me. So we are out of the picture- we have moved so he can’t find us- I am afraid he will end up homeless. SO ANGRY that the long term hospitals for adults with mental illness have been shuttered. Some people really need that safe treatment spot. We have hired case managers in the past- he fires them and won’t work with them. We now have hired a company to be his rep payee so at least he receives his SSDI- but he squanders it.
Mental health care in the US is so broken… anyone have ideas on how to make changes?
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This isn’t a complete answer but I would write down a one page summary of your story and then contact nami to see if they have a contact person to help you send your story to congress.
From what I have heard our stories are more powerful than anonymous pleas for reform.
Great idea! Thank you. Maybe I’ll find others in KY thru this group
So true. There has to be a better way. The options seem to be as follows:
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let your loved one live with you (as long as they are safe)
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when no longer safe, call police or have them committed
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move them to shitty Medicaid facility/group home or buy them a small place for themselves. We’ve done the latter two times - big fails. He can NOT live independently and won’t stay long in shitty group setting.
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homeless. Until arrested and hospitalized. Then promises to be safe/take meds. Moves back in with us. Start the cycle over… go until we’re too old or too broke or too depressed to engage.
Looking forward to any answers you find.
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Wish we could have him committed- that’s not an option here. Is it an option anywhere? Sounds like you are in the same situation we are… except I’ve had to disengage due to his threats to kill me. We are working around him (he doesn’t know)… he really needs to be committed to be safe and to not hurt anyone
you really nailed it- the cycle of stupidity.
Is the broken system about a lack of understanding/ HIPAA laws or rather complete apathy for people with no voice who only cost the state money?
Replying to myself to update the situation. So, it took nine months from eviction notice to actual removal of the problem BF/tenant. There was a hearing with an order he ignored, and a Writ of Possession issued which allowed Bailiffs to physically remove him. All the while, DD has been forced to live with him, and he managed to convince her to fight for his right to stay, causing massive stress and a breakdown in our relationship.
It happened. He left on his bike and with just what he could carry, and then all of his ‘stuff’ was removed. It took 3 men a full day to lug things out, filling multiple large skips for recycling, the dump, and donating. About half was garbage, half really nice stolen goods. And then the damage was revealed. We were horrified at the level of destruction, and baffled by how some was even accomplished. We did some small repairs, made things safe, and hired electricians to completely replace all fixtures and outlets (multiple live wires exposed!). then had to go home. I’m trying to arrange from afar for major cleaning, drywall repair and exterior door and patio door replacement. We will go back to paint, do some measurements and assess further. Entire unit requires new flooring, and quite possibly a complete kitchen redo. Only the bathroom seems ok, slightly damaged vanity and needs paint after electrical updates.
How did he take it? Not well at all. He came back overnight for some things from the carport storage locker, until the clean out happened and he found it all gone. He then texted me a vile, threatening message about how I had no right to remove his (stolen!) property, which I duly screen spotted and referred to police. Then nothing for a couple of weeks, and I truly hoped that he had accepted and moved on. Yesterday he was reported to have apparently spent the night.
So, DD’s reaction. It understandably stressed her to have so many people in her home, but she was relieved to have all his hoardings removed. She was quite rude and nasty to us, but subsequently apologized, expressed appreciation, and promised to do her best to keep him away. I called her after yesterday’s sighting, and she told me they are totally breaking up, and she will ‘try’ to deny him any access.
We will continue with necessary repairs, hope DD can stand firm and he will just go away. I am unsure as to why she let him in, whether because she is lonely and someone is better than no one, or whether she has been coerced in some way. I’m afraid that selling is going to be the eventual solution here, but rehoming her in any way will be difficult for long term stability, both for her and for us. We really cannot pass the current nightmare to anyone else when we are no longer able to manage.
I am sad that so many of you will be nodding along in sympathy and understanding, and wish for a calmer future for us all.
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My son is living with me and I never thought I would do it but I went to the courthouse to have him baker acted. He is in the VA and is telling everyone they are insane and then he laughs hysterically. The nurse says they can only keep him 72 hours. He is demanding money from me, getting kicked out of stores for aggression, and ALLOWING me to leave my home after he says it’s ok. It can get scary. He was in his meds for 2 years and he quit taking them about 4 months the ago.
I’m a little scared that he might just show up here tomorrow and no meds, no change just angrier. How could I have not had him sent to the hospital to be checked out?
I am shocked - I know I shouldn’t be - but just shocked that they are only going to keep him 72 hours after you successfully had him Baker Acted. Surely they can keep him longer now that they have seen him? Can you change the locks and go stay somewhere else for a while? Don’t tell him where you are going.
Since he’s been living here, it’s not legal to change the locks on him. The doctor just called me and they’re going to go to court to try to force him to get a shot. I told him to do it.
His nurse called and said you’re probably at your wits end and want to look for alternative housing for him.
That had never crossed my mind. I looked it up. It says it’s from 3000 to 10,000 per month. How could somebody afford that?
Fingers crossed here the doctor is successful - is there a social worker at the VA who might know about alternative housing that you won’t have to pay for? Does he have an income?