My sz son has now decided that he doesn’t need to take his meds anymore. I didn’t think that it could get worse in my home, but it has. He doesn’t want to see his psychiatrist anymore either. He just wants us to give him his money and find him a place to live. Every single day his dad and I get to hear what horrible people we are and that is about the nicest things he says. I have told him to just leave and he won’t, telling us that we need to find him a place to live. We can’t afford anything in our area. Not only does this disease ruin the life of the person with it, but also those of us that care for him. I want him out of the house too. I am tired of the verbal abuse and am scared of being alone with him. Any advice please?
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Hi Tippy, remind me, does your son receive disability or ssi?
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Depending on his financials SSI or SSDI
The low income housing in the area most likely there’s a wait list could he get on that wait list?
Are there any group homes if there’s a co occurring substance use disorder there may be programs there with housing,
Just contacting the housing authority in your area and maybe getting a master list of all the places.
I’m sorry that you are going through this right now it seems this is one of the largest battles of sz keeping people safely housed.
Hope you get some resources wishing you strength during this time
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He is on disability now.
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Low income housing in my area is a joke. Hard to find with waiting lists a mile long. Guess I can’t win if I don’t enter. I just wish I could have found something yesterday!
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I would do what I could to move him. When Mike became desperate to leave he found a cheap apartment about 5 hours away. I remained his Payee Rep and I paid his rent out of his disability check. My husband and I had to pay the deposit and whatever else was required each time we moved him.
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I had a similar experience with our daughter. Unfortunately when a person is ill they tend to blame others especially the parents and are verbally abusive. It is not easy as you need to care for yourself as well. BUT they need the support and help of family and friends especially during this time.
You can do several proactive things:
- You can call a well health checkup with the police department in your area but make sure if you call 9-1-1 that it’s for a mental health issue as you don’t want the regular police person, 2) call a crisis health center in your area and write up a petition, 3) contact NAMI (national alliance on mental illness) in your area. They have lots of resources for your such as advisors for you and a family to family for educating yourself.
One of the best resources is the book “I’m not sick…I don’t need help.” by Dr Amador. He teaches how to work with a mental ill person using the LEAP method.
Wishing you the best.
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My son decided to stop his meds and use drugs- he lost his subsidized housing- spent a year in jail for attacking his neighbors- now he’s in psychiatric hospital- seriously bad state of mind but taking his meds- in jail he fell and lost his front teeth and also lost his vision somehow- he’s in a wheelchair due to losing a leg during another psychotic break- I’m his power of attorney- I’m praying the hospital finds him safe long term care- I’ve done everything to support him but he made bad decisions- I can only do do much- I would never let him live with us again- I don’t have answers-I attend Alanon and try to focus on taking care of myself- I’m not sure how old your son is but do what you can to move him out- we didn’t cause it can’t cure nor can we control it- save yourself and your marriage-
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Hi Carly, my son is still in isolation in the county jail, it is going on 5 months. He calls occasionally on Mondays and Thursdays, that is I think when he is allowed to call on the hour he gets out of isolation. When I talk to him he always is very angry and blames me for him being in jail. He said I am at the jail and I run the jail and I want him there for life. It is so scary because I am afraid he will come after me when he gets out. He is in jail for attacking my husband with a metal pole and harassing neighbors and stealing alcohol from a store. We have a lawyer trying to get him in mental health court but who knows when and if that will happen because it sounds like he is exhibiting violent behavior in jail, which I why he has been in constant isolation. I pray they get him to a psychiatric facility soon. He seems so far gone from reality now. He threw all his meds out about a year ago. He never did great on his meds but at least it was better than this. I pray both our sons get better and it is important that we look out for ourselves. It seems at this point my son is so far from reality that he will never function somewhat normal and live on his own. I could never live with him as I am too afraid. Take care and have a good week.
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Hi Irene, our sons going through the same hell in jail- isolation- however, my son was released from jail 2 weeks ago. He’s at a psychiatric hospital-He called last Friday-I was shocked- hadn’t talk to him in a year-he’s struggle in the psychiatric hospital with same episodes of anger “, lashing out and crying and he’s all out of sorts- he has agreed to take medication- however, he’s had something happen in jail and he’s lost his vision- he’s now blind, in a wheelchair with one leg ( lost his leg in 2007 after a psychic break) and he fell in jail and lost his two front teeth- I went to see him and it was awful to see him in this condition-they are goi g to try to get him into a assisted living facility he can’t take care of himself- he’s never tried to hurt us but I’m afraid of what he is capable of doing/ he attacked his neighbors it’s all a huge nightmare- unbelievable-praying for them both and praying for you and your husband- we wouldn’t allow my son to live with us either- hoping his medication kicks in soon-
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Hi Carly, this is truly a horrible nightmare. I couldn’t imagine how traumatic and sad it was to see your son in this condition. I have a feeling that is what I am looking forward to. My son did call me on some Mondays and Thursdays from jail isolation when he got the hour out, but he has not for a few weeks. I am sure it is because he is in such bad shape that he can’t. I am so sad for your son and mine, they truly did not deserve this fate. The jail has made them even worse. They both should have gotten medical psychiatric attention immediately, instead of rotting in jail getting worse, when they have a horrible illness and no treatment. That would not of happened with cancer or diabetes. So awful.
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Carly, my prayers for all of us. We have to remember that we did our best and we didn’t t cause it, can t control it , and can t cure it. May us and our sons have a peaceful night.
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Irene, Nathan seems to be clearer. He’s called about 3 times-I’m going to see him sometime this week- he was looking forward to music therapy today- he plays guitar. He’s struggling with being blind- he’s board now- hoping and praying they find him a safe place to land- he’s on a long acting antipsychotic now- I’m going to call blind services and see how they can help- take care of yourself-
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Well, my son is still wanting out of the house ASAP. With him off of his meds, no longer seeing his psychiatrist he is even more of a nightmare to live with. He continues on these rants about how his dad and I only want to hold him back. We are the sick ones for doing this to him. On and on it goes. I want him out of the house! Where is the affordable housing? I can’t find it. This is not a life worth living. I read these stories and that is the future that I see for my son, prison. This is so sad and frustrating. Wishing you all and myself the continued strength to carry on.
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Hi Carly, I am glad to hear Nathan is more stable. My son is doing terrible in isolation in county jail. I found out a few days ago that he attacked a correctional officer and now has a class 2 felony added to his many charges. A friend of mine looked this up on complicated jail website. I was shocked and scared that he attacked a police officer,the sentence is 3 to 7 years. If they had gotten him in mental health facility by now and medicated him this would not be happening. It gives me hope that your son is doing a little better and you can see him. I have not seen mine in 6 months and I have no idea if my son was injured in attack. I am a sad nervous wreck. Thanks for your info on your son, I am glad he is doing a little better. . Do you have any idea how he lost his vision, these jails are cruel to the mentally ill. I pray for all of us, no one who is not experiencing this awful illness with their adult child could imagine the pain and sorrow it brings for the moms, especially when jail is involved.Take care 
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He’s not sure how he lost his vision. He did have a bad fall and lost his 2 front teeth- when he’s able to get to an eye doctor he can probably tell why/ sorry your son is in such a bad space- I’m surprised my son had not done the same thing because he too was aggressive too. When he got to the hospital he was hitting objects and himself- thank God he’s now willingly in hospital and taking meds- praying for you and your son- I pray for good outcomes for both-
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Yes me too. I am worried tho because hitting a police officer is such a big offense. He had a court hearing about it the day after it happened. There is another hearing about it this Thursday. I don’t even know if anyone was injured. I hired a lawyer but he has not given me any answers yet. I feel like no one gives a care about my son there, including the lawyer I am paying. I am glad your son is out of the awful solitary, I couldn’t imagine what they have to go thru in their heads being in there. I am afraid my son will spend some years in prison, all because no one would get him any medical attention. Nice to talk to you about all this. You really don’t understand unless it has happened to you.
I’m glad that we’ve had each other to share this with- I’ve felt less alone knowing we’re not the only family experiencing this- I hope your lawyer steps up- have you contacted the social worker at jail? Talking to her may help.
@Tippy, so sorry your son is acting up so much that he is making your home life hell. I can understand how you want him out of your home. Unfortunately, there are not many homes for the mentally ill, I never found one when my daughter was acting out. And a room for rent elsewhere, or an apartment, paid for by us was NOT possible. But the threat of being homeless helped her contain herself, once she saw what the local shelter was like. We also put in a back door, a separate hallway door, and made her a sort of a studio apartment within our home to contain her nighttime screaming mostly, but also to keep her out of our side of the house at night when we were sleeping. I was afraid of her after she stood outside my bedroom one night in the hall and yelled “everyone in this house should be dead”. Thankfully 5 involuntary hospital stays and her 2 rounds in jail and her staying on the proper meds worked for us.
@Irene and @Carlie I am so sorry you are struggling with your sons in jail. I have seen in our county that jails are never going to be treatment centers. And judges know that many inmates are mentally ill. But jail did scare my daughter enough to help her not act out so badly when out of jail. I was lucky. I know jails are mostly meant to protect the general public. Reform in jail or prison, even for those who don’t have really serious mental illnesses, is hard. Jail/prison/isolation never reformed my husband from his drinking problem, he still got many DUIs till he lost his license. Thankfully he never caused others in society bad injuries when drunk. Old age however is curbing his drinking. Severe mental illness that causes dangerous behavior is like drugged or drunk behavior that causes dangerous behavior, it is cause to keep the person in jail. Out of jail, the dangerous behavior just continues to affect others. In a way, it is probably good that your sons are isolated, I’m very sorry to say. It’s horrible what schizophrenia does, and for many with it, they are unable to lead any kind of normal life. NAMI and Al-Anon meetings were lifelines for my own mental health.
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Thankfully my son is out of jail and in psychiatric hospital. He’s taking his medication and he’s coming around. They are figuring out we’re he can live. He is disabled and in a wheelchair and lost his vision in jail somehow. He’s calling me and having normal conversations. I pray they find him a safe place to live. He’s on a long acting injectable antipsychotic. I also attend alanon online meetings daily and attend one in person meeting weekly. Couldn’t emotionally survive this without the support. Prayers for all!
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