There’s no question that sometimes paranoia manifests not as baseless delusion of persecution (e.g., the CIA is tracking me), but as fear of behaving in public in a way that might freak out others and maybe result in arrest and forced hospitalization. Since some people suffering from SZ can’t gauge social reaction, and perhaps have had some legitimately bad experiences, they don’t trust themselves to behave in public in a way that is safe for them, which is why so many withdraw socially.
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This absolutely how I felt about my wife just before she abandoned our home and went into hiding 5 weeks ago. I bumped into someone yesterday who has been in contact with her, and she was saying “she is fine, don’t worry”. I was trying to explain that she is ignorant of the illness and that she understands nothing about it. My wife had insight and was asking for crisis care shortly before she left. She made a radical change of plans with little thought of the consequences. All these people look at me like I have the problem. I was on the phone to my father-in-law for a couple of hours today and he just said “these people are all ignoring that she is doing irrational thinking”. It is completely true. She has just under three weeks left on her visa. She has build up so many things here that she is about to throw away, yet everyone around her, that are clueless about her illness think “no, she just left you, everything is cool”. It drives you bonkers.
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I feel this so deeply. I didn’t know about my spouse’s diagnosis until after we got married and had kids despite them receiving the diagnosis years prior to us meeting. One person finally let me in on it after I broke down and asked for help during a particularly bad accusation that could have cost me my job/kids. How they get through work and life with no one knowing is so mind boggling to me, but looking back, I can see how I dismissed signs while we were dating/early marriage. Sometimes I still struggle and wonder if their behavior is the diagnosis or just straight up mental abuse because if it was the diagnosis, wouldn’t they act the same towards others? Every day is a struggle. And now they don’t want to see my family at all. I feel so isolated and I worry how this all affects our kids. I wish I knew how to get them to seek help but I feel so lost.
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Welcome to the forum. I’m glad you have found us.
I’m so sorry you are in this situation. It is true that a person with schizophrenia can look normal to outsiders, and can make untrue accusations that are believed by others. That creates havoc. It is a shame that you didn’t know about the illness before you married so you had the choice of what to do with that information. It IS very hard, sometimes impossible, to get a person with this disease to see their own odd behavior and seek help. Have you read the book I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help by Dr. Amador. I found that to be the best explanation.
HI ,Im sorry this is happening right now , this disease can be very isolating and scary, I agree that the book I’m not sick is good ! The author Dr. Amador Xavier has many good videos on YouTube and his leap institute website , I’ve found having more insight about the illness helps .
If you don’t already I would seek a therapist for yourself and the children . some one to support you guys especially when
Your partner is having episodes .
Therapy will be able to give the children coping strategies and tools to deal with the emotions that can come from this.
My thoughts are with you wishing support to you and yours.
Nami.org has free family support for you they host online and in person support groups.
I had this experience too with my brother Billy when we were much younger. Over time his appearance devolved into the Charles Manson look (which immediately scared people away) but when he first got sick he didn’t always look so bad.
He would start a conversation with a stranger. The person had no clue he was talking to a seriously mentally ill person at first. Inevitably Billy would start saying crazy and inappropriate stuff (every single time) and I would watch the person for the moment they realized that Billy was nuttier than squirrel guano.
It was shallow amusement, I know.
This just happened with my husband about two weeks ago, he has been off his ECT maintenance for about 7 months and we both had been desperately trying to get him back in after an insurance change. My family started noticing the speech changing, he was more excited and manic, and then he blew up at me over a social media comment and accused me of cheating. (It was a comment on a pro athlete, nothing inappropriate) woke up the next morning in a panic saying his parents are going to die and his dog and he needed to leave NOW, of course they sent for him after making sure “it just wasn’t a bad day” and once home he blocked me completely and his family won’t take my calls, he needs to be hospitalized asap, not back home running free.
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I have no idea how ECT works, and I am not sure if anybody does, but a friend’s mother is about to start doing this sometime soon. The US is not a great place for getting mental health care. Now my wife has returned there, we at least made sure we had a good few months of medication in place so that she could try and get some healthcare organised. I am hoping Make America Healthy Again is going to deliver a long term plan for mental healthcare.
I really hope things work out with your husband, and if treatment gets in place he returns to you. However, I am sorry to say that in my experience, the convictions that people develop whilst unwell can endure when they are relatively well again, particularly if they are trying to re-establish themselves. It is so hard loving people with these conditions. You may find that his family become quite a barrier as well.
I really want to start some kind of movement for people like us that are trapped in this situation where you can not tell if you are being dumped or if your partner is just sick. I think often it ends up being a mix of both. I am sure with the right early intervention this kind of things could be managed better. I think they have to be managed better, because those of us who want to stick by our partners even when they have these conditions and it is so hard, we are generally extremely good people and very attentive and carer partners. I have noticed that the illness tends to drive people towards those who care very little, and who just want what they can get out of the ill person until they realise how sick they are. It really is a process of best fit selection for a person with a delusional illness to find a life partner.
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Wow. I just finished your thread and i am in tears! The toll this has taken on my head and heart this past year is confusing to say the least, I too, was going through our last messages and we were so perfect. Normal, going through the routines we did nightly, I’d lay on the couch with my head on his stomach, he’d give me gentle kisses, on my head or cheeks, call his mom and then get the animals ready, wake me to go to bed and we’d start all over the next day. He saw the comment, accused me of cheating called his mom and was gone. Like a movie. He’s blocked me off everything and that’s where the story ends. I can’t cope. I can’t eat I can’t sleep, nothing makes sense. We. We’re. Fine. I’m devastated.
I also have thought about maybe a podcast, support groups I just don’t know where to start!
Wishing you happiness.
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Let’s do it. I have the technical knowledge to put a podcast together. I can produce and do everything. I’d just need people to turn up online at an agreed time. I actually produced a concert film for one of the most famous musicians with severe mental illness. We people who care for those with severe mental illness need to start empowering ourselves. We are going to do this. It is going to start here.
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It would be great if there were several podcasts carried by major net works that would allow the parents/caregivers a chance to voice their stories and suggestions for how to get the government to consider new legislation allowing parents/caregivers of adult children the right to have them committed until they have PROVEN to the mental heath professionals they are clear to return home and on medications then put them on a monitored medication schedule that must be met OR face going back to a mental facility until again they can be treated and released. My son will NOT take meds and continues to tell us he is not mentally ill. He is 30 and is always going in to psychosis. My wife and I are at the end of our rope. We cant get into a NAMI group meeting for another two weeks. They only have local NAMI meeting once a month here which is STUPID! With the amount of mentally ill persons running around you would think NAMI would have a facility with groups meeting at least twice a week just to give the parents/caregivers somewhere to look for immediate support.
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I am not a major network, but I am going to go ahead and start a podcast. I will set up a separate thread to discuss this.
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Great we really need a voice out there.
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Do you have the book by Dr. Amador? It’s about the very real problem of anosognosia and what can be done to help a loved one who has lack of insight. Its so bad to have this lack of insight, and the main reason for medication non compliance.