How can he appear “fine” to others?

There’s no question that sometimes paranoia manifests not as baseless delusion of persecution (e.g., the CIA is tracking me), but as fear of behaving in public in a way that might freak out others and maybe result in arrest and forced hospitalization. Since some people suffering from SZ can’t gauge social reaction, and perhaps have had some legitimately bad experiences, they don’t trust themselves to behave in public in a way that is safe for them, which is why so many withdraw socially.

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This absolutely how I felt about my wife just before she abandoned our home and went into hiding 5 weeks ago. I bumped into someone yesterday who has been in contact with her, and she was saying “she is fine, don’t worry”. I was trying to explain that she is ignorant of the illness and that she understands nothing about it. My wife had insight and was asking for crisis care shortly before she left. She made a radical change of plans with little thought of the consequences. All these people look at me like I have the problem. I was on the phone to my father-in-law for a couple of hours today and he just said “these people are all ignoring that she is doing irrational thinking”. It is completely true. She has just under three weeks left on her visa. She has build up so many things here that she is about to throw away, yet everyone around her, that are clueless about her illness think “no, she just left you, everything is cool”. It drives you bonkers.

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I feel this so deeply. I didn’t know about my spouse’s diagnosis until after we got married and had kids despite them receiving the diagnosis years prior to us meeting. One person finally let me in on it after I broke down and asked for help during a particularly bad accusation that could have cost me my job/kids. How they get through work and life with no one knowing is so mind boggling to me, but looking back, I can see how I dismissed signs while we were dating/early marriage. Sometimes I still struggle and wonder if their behavior is the diagnosis or just straight up mental abuse because if it was the diagnosis, wouldn’t they act the same towards others? Every day is a struggle. And now they don’t want to see my family at all. I feel so isolated and I worry how this all affects our kids. I wish I knew how to get them to seek help but I feel so lost.

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Welcome to the forum. I’m glad you have found us.

I’m so sorry you are in this situation. It is true that a person with schizophrenia can look normal to outsiders, and can make untrue accusations that are believed by others. That creates havoc. It is a shame that you didn’t know about the illness before you married so you had the choice of what to do with that information. It IS very hard, sometimes impossible, to get a person with this disease to see their own odd behavior and seek help. Have you read the book I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help by Dr. Amador. I found that to be the best explanation.

HI ,Im sorry this is happening right now , this disease can be very isolating and scary, I agree that the book I’m not sick is good ! The author Dr. Amador Xavier has many good videos on YouTube and his leap institute website , I’ve found having more insight about the illness helps .
If you don’t already I would seek a therapist for yourself and the children . some one to support you guys especially when
Your partner is having episodes .
Therapy will be able to give the children coping strategies and tools to deal with the emotions that can come from this.
My thoughts are with you wishing support to you and yours.
Nami.org has free family support for you they host online and in person support groups.