Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How can i help my girlfriend


#1

Hello I’m new to this site.
I’ve been dating this girl for 5months now and our family and friends never knew about this cause same sex relationship is a big no no to our culture and religion. But I tell u what she is the most amazing person I’ve ever met in my life. During the times we spend time for each other (we r having long distance relationship now) we always have a fight over something stupid or unreasonable things. Sometime she’s mad for no reason and sometime she took my word wrongly and assume a lot of things. At first i thought this is just normal fights but it occured almost 4 to 5 times a week. I already know she had a mental health problem cause she told me she’s taking pills everyday n hv to go meet the family psychologist every month or week but i thought she probably has anxiety or severe depression so i didnt ask her much about it. I studied medical (only halfway sorry) before and my goal was to be a psychiatrist or a psychologist so I don’t really mind when she told me about her condition. I’ve put up with her ups and down, and sometime she show lack of emotions to me and I kept having doubt if she really likes me but she assured me she love me and it was just she didn’t know how to show it. She kept saying she’s tired and has problem with sleeping and have sleep paralysis almost every night but at that time I thought it’s because of the problems she had with her family that made her feel depressed.Once we had a huge fight and the next day she got hospitalized but because this is a long distance relationship i can only ask her what happened without seeing it myself. So she told me she did something to make her ‘awake’ because she feels numb lately. I dont even know what she was talking about but she refused to tell me more about it and i respect her so i dont want to push her or anything.

I love her so much so whenever we had a fight I’d be the one who say sorry first cause i dont want her to do stupid thing but this morning i had enough. I was mad at her and after a fight she finally told me that she had been diagnosed with schizophrenia for years since she was a teenager. And last week her psychologist said that her condition is growing. She said she’s not up to point of hearing voices but more to being emotionally drained and ups and down and sometime forget things and she talk about being awake or unawake. It breaks my heart not because i finally know she had a problem but because I feel like when she first confess that she likes me it’s probably when she’s under her ups and down mood and she probably wasn’t serious about it. But she assured me that she’s aware at that time and even if she wasnt aware she still remember she loves me. Another half of me was so frustrated to myself because I probably have basic knowledge about this condition and I dont know how I can help her.I love her so much I wish I can take half of the burden that she’s having right now and carry it onto my shoulder. Part of me was panicking like what if she forgot about loving me when her condition get worse. I love her so much I cant afford to lose her.

I can’t stop myself from crying because i dont know what to do. How can I support her, what things i could do to help her, and what things that can make her become sensitive about it cause i dont want to say the wrong things. For now i told her I will always be with her and she need to believe in herself to not let that condition control her. Suddenly i felt like her ups and down just makes sense now but at the same time I am so scared if her condition could get worse cause I dont want her to stop loving herself and loving me.


#2

thought i would say hi.
a sz like any other human being wants to be loved and supported…
they don’t want this illness…
no more than a person confined to a wheelchair…
good on you for loving this person :sunny:
take care :alien:


#3

Thank you. the thing is i used to be suicidal before i knew her, sleep 15-20hours a day just because i dont want to deal w my life. When i got pressured i tend to become my old self so im afraid im not strong enough to handle this.

My gf likes to use that alien emoji too she’s soo obsessed w it. Now im suspicious u might be my gf lol


#4

no i am a ’ sith ’ bloke from australia… :smiley:

we find strength at the oddest times…
so that we can deal with the rough seas ahead.
take care :alien: :rocket:


#5

Please look at these sites:
http://www.leapinstitute.org/ - under resources are free videos on using LEAP
LEAP is a way of communicating to build trust. Listen-Empathize-Agree-Partner.

http://dramador.com/ - Dr. Xavier Amador is a clinical psychologist whose brother had schizophrenia. He is the founder of the LEAP Institute. Wrote the book: I’m Not Sick I Don’t Need Help! Can buy from his website.

Search Xavier Amador on YouTube for more videos

http://ourhealthyminds.com/family-handbook/communication/Building-a-collaborative-relationship-leap.html
Building A Collaborative Relationship “LEAP”

http://www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org/index.php - under problems you will see anosognosia
Anosognosia looks like denial but is different.

http://lesswrong.com/lw/e25/bayes_for_schizophrenics_reasoning_in_delusional/ - helped my understand delusions

(May 26, 2010) Professor Robert Sapolsky finishes his lecture on language and then dives into his discussion about schizophrenia. He discusses environmental factors as well as genetic characteristics that could apply to people who are affected. He describes schizophrenia as a disease of thought disorder and inappropriate emotional attributes.

http://www.nami.org/ - National Alliance on Mental Illness.
http://www.schizophrenia.ca/ - Schizophrenia Society of Canada

Can also find some very useful information here:
http://schizophrenia.com/


#6

Keep your head up, I am in the same situation. I fell in love with my husband now before he ever actually told me his diagnosis. I am in the healthcare field and when we were dating I did a little research on what meds he was taking, so I knew before he even told me. Didn’t change one bit how much I love him. However I feel the same, wanting to take some of the pain away from him. I work in physical therapy and I think that is the hardest part for me, I can help someone walk again and help someone that physical pain, but I cannot help my husband that has so much internal pain. I too am struggling right now with how to discuss sensitive ideas with him, not wanting to upset him in any way. Thus putting a heavier wt on my shoulders. My experience with my husband has been just being there during the bad times means so much, he was married before and she left him when he was first diagnosed. His fear is that I am going to do the same, I still have to remind him a few times a week that I’m not going anywhere.
With my husband he went to some outpatient classes and one thing that really helps him is grounding. When things start to get heavy and he starts to have a panic attack this helps to bring him back. So when he was at work and having a hard time I would go through some grounding ex with him. How may signs do you see right now? How many chairs do you see right now? How many trees? What color are the leaves? It may not stop the panic attack completely but helps to lessen the blow. Not sure if this helps at all but wanted to tell you, you are not alone and for me the amazing moments we have together outweighs the tough times.


#7

hi thank you so much for giving me all these links :smile:


#8

Thanks for your reply. I think what frustrates me the most is because of the long distance relationship. Usually I instantly know if someone is not feeling good just by the tone of voice or the body language, but being long distance with shitty quality phone call makes us fight even more. I’m sorry it took such a long time to reply to you because I want to find a time where I’m calm and I don’t want this to end up me talking too much about what’s going on with my relationship. But I really feel so down lately. I got my own depression and I forgot she has her own problem. So it ended up me saying a lot of bad things to her and pressuring her even more to commit to the relationship. I told her how she always look at the negative things rather than just cherish the moment, she always dwell in her own sorrow alone and when that happen I didn’t realize that at all. She even had suicidal thoughts but it’s very hard for me to know when it’s happening cause we’re just texting and rarely make phone calls. When we had a fight about it she told me that’s who she is, and at that time i realized I always forgot about her condition and always treat her like a normal person that can control their emotions. Although we already reconcile from our big fight I just feel terrible for not being able to control myself, and I’ve made her even more stressed because of me.


#9

Piles of research show that sz pts tend to get “better” when they…

  1. Get a copy of this book and read it and have their families read it, as well.
    http://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Schizophrenia-6th-Edition-Family/dp/0062268856

  2. Get properly diagnosed by a board-certified psychopharmacologist who specializes in the psychotic disorders. One can find them at…
    https://psychiatrists.psychologytoday.com/rms/

  3. Work with that “psychiatrist” (or “p-doc”) to develop a medication formula that stabilizes their symptoms sufficiently so that they can tackle the psychotherapy that will disentangle their thinking.

  4. The best of the therapies for that currently include…
    DBT – http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm
    MBSR – http://www.mindfullivingprograms.com/whatMBSR.php
    ACT – https://contextualscience.org/act
    10 StEP – http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2015/04/the-10-steps-of-emotion-processing.html

  5. the even newer somatic psychotherapies like…
    MBBT – https://www.newharbinger.com/blog/introduction-mind-body-bridging-i-system
    SEPT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_Experiencing
    SMPT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensorimotor_psychotherapy

  6. or standard CBTs, like…
    REBT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy
    Schematherapy – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schema_Therapy
    Learned Optimism – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_optimism
    Standard CBT – http://www.beckinstitute.org/what-is-cognitive-behavioral-therapy/About-CBT/252/

  7. If you/she/he needs a professional intervention, tell me where you live, and I will get back to you with leads to those services.


#10

Hi, I have SZ and I am in a same sex relationship too, I understand where you coming from when you said she has her up and downs and that sometimes she doesn’t show any affection towards you but don’t take it personal because that is how the illness is. She obviously love you because she trusted you to tell you she has SZ, that is not something easy to say when you meet somebody. If you feel like you don’t know what to do check on Nami on the Internet, that is an org that helps people with the illness, family and caregivers. In the meantime just tell her constantly that you love her and try to use humor to stop the fights. That is what my girlfriend does to me and makes me love her even more.
What I don’t understand is why the doc told her that her condition is getting worse, is she on medicines for SZ? Because that should make her feel better. There is a book called “healing squizophrenia” that tells you about natural medicines, I did try it and it made me feel a lot better. Maybe she can try that too😀


#11

http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Healing-Schizophrenia-Common-Disorders/dp/0965097676

It’s not all bad. But it’s not all good, either. Buy it. Read it. Give it a shot. See how it works. Because it may for some people. (I am no friend of Big Pharma.)

But if it doesn’t, don’t blame me.

Because my observation > perception > recognition > acknowledgement > acceptance > ownership > appreciation > understanding makes it clear that while sz may have some dietary causality, it is overwhelmingly the result of genetics for sensitivity to various kinds of stress… plus the stress itself.

(“Hope springs eternal in the minds of the desperate.” I understand that. I have empathy and compassion for that. But the hard evidence runs counter.)


#12

Thanks for your advice. The doctor said her condition is ‘growing’ and i dont know wjat that means but she skipped taking pills a lot cause she said if she didnt take pills she’ll feel better. I tried to talk to her through it but i cant just force her to take pills so i just give her advice and she took pills but only when she didnt feel good. Last december i had the worse moment in my life cause i was depressed and it affect my study and i couldnt help her when she said she’s not well. She didnt tell me anything though cause that’s just her personality. And on new year she just break up with me out of a sudden so i dont know what to do now but i hope she’s well in her life.