How do you deal with the constant paranoia of your loved one?

Family
1

I’m having difficulty dealing with the constant negativity that my wife directs my way, most of it is due to the ‘racing thoughts’ in her head, making her believe that someone said or did something that never actually happened. The other problem is that she has this strange issue of connecting events together, even when they have happened 5+ years apart.

I keep trying to explain to her that I am trying to do the best for her. Right now she is facing legal issues, I have contacted the prosecutor to reduce charges, I have looked up free legal clinics where she can get help and information, etc…

However, she thinks that I’m the one responsible for the case in the first place. No amount of explanations that a Prosecutor works for the State and not me will work. I can’t drop charges, because I am not the one who brought up charges. She blames me for calling the police that day to have her committed. No amount of explanation that she was out of control and dangerous, and that I had continued to warn her to take her meds and not drink, and that this is what happens every single time, works on her.

I now see the situation as this: I’m the only think in her life that is keeping her from falling into a crevice with no bottom in sight. I’ve done everything I can to help her out. Yet I continue to get berated by her. Insulted, verbally attacked, sometimes physically attacked.

After a while I usually begin to get really angry and I end up snapping and yelling my answers at her, but it never seems to matter. If I make a complaint against her, she changes the subject to one of my problems. If I try to respond in a rational manner, she either does not listen, or she will constantly interrupt me with non-sequitors.

I understand that this may be a problem of the sickness and not truly her. However, when someone is sick 95% of the time and only barely well for 5% of the time, is it really a sickness anymore? Or has the person just changed?

2

With my son it wasn’t legal issues but for a time we went through similar. Everything was my fault. Period. No matter how obvious the cause and affect he wouldn’t or couldn’t see it or acknowledge it. I would say stop explaining it. Walk away from these conversations. It’s hard to tell what is psychosis related and what is behavioral. Reacting in anger doesn’t help so just don’t react. Period. It got pretty bad with my son for awhile until I got myself under control and refused to participate in one sided conversations. I figured he could have fun arguing with himself. I started looking at the behavior differently. If he was outright confused by what was being said then I could attribute it to psychosis or anosognosia (Inability to see or understand) but if he was purposely changing the subject, interrupting or nit picking at every little thing than that was behavioral and a form of denial in not wanting to look at his own actions. My son is 20 but I looked up how to discipline children with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Some of the approaches may help you. If she can interact with others and show them respect than she can interact with you with the same level of respect. If the behavior is with everyone… Still I would say walk away from the negative conversations and not put yourself through an argument that isn’t going to solve anything.