Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Accusations vs. Reality - How to Deal with "cheating" accusations


#1

Moved from the Diag’d forum:

I’m looking for support or ideas about dealing with the constant accusations of cheating? My husband recently(1st hospitalization in June 2018) started having paranoia and consequently started believing things about me that aren’t true. I’m a social worker and have done some reading trying to handle things better. But idk how to sympathize with underlying emotions when it’s all directed at. me ! It’s even getting to the point where he claims he saw me with another man while he was supposed to be in shower but was to busy “watching” me to get in shower. So I’m putting away laundry and he’s mad because I snuck someone in thru the attic or crawl space to have relations with me while he’s in shower and he swears he saw it all happen! Idk how to handle his anger. He’s physically aggressive which he’s never been in our previous 10 years together. He makes nasty comments about divorcing me or finding someone else to get even. Emotionally idk how much more I can take. Can’t get meds or anything around here. After being released from behavior unit twice in month with no medication and a f/u that was scheduled over 3 month out. He waited and toughed it out to see psychiatrist who recommended he go back to hospital. And still didn’t give him anything! I’m developing nervous tic and emotionally exHausted. I know I can’t talk him into my reality but I can’t join him in his! Please help!


#2

If he isn’t receiving treatment and he’s being physically aggressive, get out get out get out.

Also if there is any substance use, including alcohol, that could make the aggression worse.

Leave him a simple note explaining that the physical aggression and nasty comments are something you cannot live with. Let him know you love him. Write that you will call him in a week or something.

Tell his doctor. Tell the hospitals. Tell the police. Tell everyone until he gets effective and consistent treatment for illness. Then and only then can you work on the marriage.


#3

I agree with Hereandhere. You are in a no-win situation. You have to preserve your own health. You getting stressed and sick won’t help him get better, right?
It’s hard, but go stay with someone until you can figure things out. Clear your head. Good luck!


#4

Please be very careful about leaving. Don’t make a big drama out of it. You don’t want to get him agitated. Do you have somewhere safe you can go? I agree with the note idea. Don’t let him know ahead of time.


#5

Delusions can reach the point of being so powerful they become fixed in place. The longer the delusion continues, the harder it is for meds to be able to provide relief. You cannot talk anyone out of a delusion. Attempting to talk someone out of a delusion can make you a bigger part of the delusion.

Please take the advice given above and get yourself to a safe place.

A close friend is dealing with this same situation. Its important to remember how very real the delusion is to your husband. Such emotions can escalate into a dangerous situation very quickly.


#6

I’m sorry. I should have written to treat this like a domestic violence situation. Don’t tell him when you are leaving or that you are leaving. Don’t tell him where you are going.

When he gets treatment, that will be a whole other space.