Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How to deal with a noncompliant and handful spouse


#1

My wife has been very sick mentally as well as very delusional all summer. Shes had the police over many times,she is verbally abusive and will do justabout anything to upset me. Shes been in the hospital many times once against her will,once i signed her in and nothing had changed i guess unless she crosses that line to be a threat to herself or others its gonna go on this way indefinately. Ive triec at places like NAMI but still havent found any help for me dealing with this. Frequently i dont know how much longer i can hang in here. We’ve been together 30.+yrs so we live check to check.
I dont see a way out. Any specific help would be appreciated. Thank you


#2

Oh she just called the cops on me again,she says im a hacker??? So im up watchin tv waiting for the police to show up…ugh 0315 am


#3

So sorry you have this going on. Has your wife been previously diagnosed and been stabilized on antipsychotic meds, or is this a recent development?


#4

She’s been diagnosed and on meds for years she decided to go off one of her meds this spring. I just recently found out why no one is doing anything for her is because she doesnt want it and til something bad enough happens they wont do anything. Its like living in a real life horror movie.


#5

I completely understand. Keep yourself safe. Decide what your boundaries are, and try to maintain them (but don’t beat yourself up if you can’t). Document what is happening and try to identify behaviors that could be considered a danger to her or others.

Find out if law enforcement in your area has specially trained CIT (crisis intervention trained) officers. If the police are called, call back and request that CIT officers come. They are better able to identify and handle mental health situations.


#6

I would call the Treatment Advocacy Center and explain your situation and see if they can recommend any solutions for getting help with your wife.

http://treatmentadvocacycenter.org/

200 N. Glebe Road, Suite 801, Arlington, VA 22203
703-294-6001 (phone)


#7

Agree with @Vallpen!!


#8

Thanks,i shot them a msg today and we shall see what happens


#9

You’ll get a lot better response if you actually call them I think. Personal calls tend to get more attention than emails, generally.


#10

I exactly know how you feel I often get terrorized and chased around by hubs when he’s extremely psychotic it’s so terrifying to see the anger and the sense they r just a body no ones home up there st the moment and the not caring how ur hurting or feeling it really is painful


#11

Yes,exactly. How do you handle it? I’ve had so many different bouts with her that she basically wants everything the crazy abusive way she wants and so if I ever want to do anything to better my situation I’m actually gonna have to plan and prepare for war with her. We live in the awful state of NH which does nothing for the mentally ill.


#12

Your situation sounds similar to mine. We have been together 15 odd years and the bizarre stuff started last year. Despite being diagnosed as sz, she doesn’t meet the threshold of being a danger to herself or others so there is nothing the authorities can do as she doesn’t accept the diagnosis. I had initially thought we’d be stuck in this state eternally but I made a plan to do one of three things: her choose to separate because I really am all the things she says I am, her accept that she has mi, or her resolve the underlying issues that make her behave this way.

To bring some truth into the matter and avoid going to jail I bought a gopro camera and began recording every instance with the intention that it would become a record should she have me arrested based on her claims and repeated calls to the police. It turned out to be the best thing because it has forced reality upon her world and now the manic episodes have gone from up to two hours of shouting, blaming and violence to between 33 and 47 minutes of loud incessant talking, followed by a realisation that whatever I had done to trigger her did not justify the reaction. She had an abusive childhood and I am triggering her old habitual responses.

So I can thoroughly recommend this as a strategy if you are totally stuck. Record her in action and either use the evidence of violence to have her committed or work towards getting her to have some internal understanding of her actions. It takes time and patience, lots of it. I can be fairly sure that if you can withstand a few hours of chaos every episode then you can wear down the manic state and get some insight at the end. The big challenge is to not buy into anything she says or does towards you and don’t take anything personally. I just imagine that she is doing all this towards her parents and I’m just a bystander. For the most part she has no mi signs now other than when I deliberately trigger her.