My son has sz and bipolar. He has been Baker acted 3 times in 5 weeks. He is currently living in an unsupervised group home. He self medicates with booze and kratom. He figured out that I am not his designated payee on his disability and has the check being deposited into another bank. I can only become designated payee with a Dr note stating that he is unfit to handle his finances. He is not seeing a Dr, so I can’t get the note. He is borrowing money from this before he gets his check. He is spending so much money on crap. He’s not seeing his psychiatrist “doesn’t need it”. I can’t keep bailing him out. I don’t want to see him homeless either. How do I just let him go? We have tried everything we can think of to help him and he doesn’t want it. He is delusional, he thinks an ex girlfriends sister from 7 years ago is torturing him. He is miserable. I can’t stop worrying about him, but I don’t want to be around him anymore. Any advise?
He’s currently living in a group home. 
He’s on disability
Even if a doctor says he is unfit to handle his finances he doesn’t have to name you as his representative payee.
Releasing someone to their journey isn’t the same as letting someone go out of your life. Adult children without disabilities are also released to their life journeys. Releasing an adult child to their journey is more about redefining the parent/child relationship in a way that is beneficial for both parties.
Tippy, I’m so sorry my heart is with you. What is Baker acted? Would you be able to go to the Justice of the Peace to have him put in the hospital for treatment when my son was in the hospital they tried to convince me to have the public trustee to handle his health and finances for me I told them no that was the right thing for me. There just no end to the worry and stress with this horrific disease and there is no one who understands or cares. This is the only place you can share your feelings and the members understand
I have a 47 year old son who was stable for a long time. Had his own apartment etc. 2 years ago went off his meds and used weed and mushrooms. It’s been the hardest thing ever to watch our loved one’s life destroyed. He ended up in jail for a year- upon release from jail baker acted to psych hospital- he’s been there 6 months and still not stable- hopefully he’ll be going to state hospital next and they can stabilize him-I am his medical proxy for now- but he doesn’t want meds - his behavior has been out of control- he’s in town but I haven’t seen him in 3 months-it breaks my heart to see him/ I attend Alanon a 12 step group that helps us put problems in the correct perspective and put ourselves as a priority. I’ve been by his side through some really difficult things and I can’t help him now- I talk to doctor and case manager- I at least know what’s going on- but I go to my 12 step meeting everyday online and that is what is helping me keep my sanity- take care of yourself. Be well!
Some things ti think about.
We’re powerless over people, places and things.
We didn’t cause it, we can’t control it, nor can we cure it.
Thank you for saying this, I need to be reminded constantly. I am still just so frustrated. Because my son is spending money he doesn’t have yet, it will only be a matter of time before he is homeless. My heart hurts.