Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Let him go, let him try it his way


#1

Not sure how to condense this but I will try.
Son started showing anger, frustration, psychosis about 4 years ago,
It got so bad that in June 2015 he was unwillingly sent to hospital, he refused all treatment, and walked out the hospital 3 weeks later. (early psychosis) diagnosed.

We got so worn down by him , we tried having him at home, we knew he needed help but no he wouldnt accept it nor agree that he did. It got so bad we couldnt live with him and made him move out, he rented a flat (apartment), hubby had to meet him with his stuff, he wouldnt tell us where the flat was (we found out) he used to ring from a call box, wouldnt let us have his mobile number (cell) he would ring on his terms, and come to our house unannounced on his terms. It was torture, we kept saying come with us and get you the help. No he wouldnt.

Things got so bad I arranged a mental health assessment here at our house, he was again offered help in the community, this was march 2016 by then, no he wouldnt accept help so 2 doctors decided he was to be hospitalised again, he refused treatment , then he was told he would be giving an injection if he kept refusing as they could see he needed help. He agreed reluctantly to risperidone, then after 5 months was discharged on a paliperidone depot and a community treatment order.
He compiled bare minimum, its been 6 months now and its being renewed, but he is still so resistant, blaming everyone else saying the dr are fake, its all a conspiracy against him, he isnt sitting around letting them ruin his life, he says to me why am i letting the doctors control my life, why did i open the door to them? (because it was hell) at home with him to the point I used to walk out the house and even contemplated sleeping in the car when he was ranting and wouldnt shut up!!

He says he will leave and not let them control him, I am really tempted to let him come off the CTO, which I know he will then come off the meds, then strip it all back, see how he copes with it all, if he copes ok and we aren’t affected badly then great, so be it, but told him if it goes back to what it was like and we are severely affected again then he cannot live here, He says he will go anyway . Where to I don’t know, he has no friends, and rejects mostly family, he says his dad was never there for him (he has always been there) he says he never has had a role model, his dad and i have always been there, he has a caring uncle, grandfather etc. He still rejects us all , to the point I feel like letting him go, let him get on with it, but i know how it will end up and he will come back to us in the middle of the night etc etc again, scared and paranoid . Who knows maybe he wont?

Anyone ?


#2

Yup. I know exactly where you’re coming from. My fiancé the same way with his family. He thinks I work for the government and have a chip in my brain. Just picked up at the hospital with the new medications and got home right now. Couldn’t keep him in there longer because the doctor decided not to show up.


#3

Sorry :frowning: I honestly feel I can’t do much more, we have been so supportive , for 25 years I’ve put him first , he says his soul was taken at 12 years old and we let it be taken.

He says just now, his nurse isnt a nurse, she doesnt work for mental health, he said that to her face y,day and she said she would show him her credentials etc.
I am on anti depressants for 6 months and Goodness knows where i would be if i wasnt. they level me out. I can’t do more , I have to give up and let him go.


#4

Tell social services you can’t help him anymore and tell them why, like what you wrote so eloquently to us. They are in charge of the CTO, not you.

Many of our family members need help that we can’t give them or get them to and it’s okay to admit that because it’s true.

Best to you. And to your son. We know how much you love him and how much you have tried to help.


#5

Thank you , I try and try and can’t ever think of giving up, but even I have to be realistic however hard it is, he has just said to me there, I should never have let the doctors into his life as a` small child, it was all planned for him all of this.


#6

Yeah, I’m going to see a psychologist myself. I might see a psychiatrist too and ask for anxiety meds since I have social anxiety, but I’m extra anxious and stressed out with him. 25 years is a long time… I don’t want to be the berear of bad news, but sometimes some people just never get better. I have an aunt who’s locked in a mental hospital for life because her condition is so severe that she’s completely separated from reality.


#7

Sorry Doctor , Yep Its devastating, we never had any warnings of this, in hindsight thank goodness we didnt.


#8

I understand where you’re coming from. :disappointed_relieved:


#9

Hi @Jane57 You mentioned that you’ve been dealing with this for 25 years. I know where you’re coming from. I have a daughter who’ve I finally had to let go for my own physical and mental sanity as well as the safety of my grandchildren. I will never allow her back in the house. If she wants to visit the kids I’ll meet her in a public place. I’ve tried everything.

In talking to her caseworker I suggested that placing her in her own apt will not work - she will have her awful 15 days of complete meltdowns every month and that she really can’t handle her life and that group housing would be her best chance to stabilize … where she has people around her who are like her and receive professional help. I’m not sure what is going to happen to my daughter and I trust her mental health care providers will not abandon her. She’s always received kind and compassionate care from them.

I finally came to this point when I reached my breaking point. I deserve a life and so do my grandchildren and her interrupting the daily flow of our lives became impossible. What good am I for the grandchildren I’m raising if I’m stressed out all the time.

Think about your own life and what you’d like to do. I’m not saying abandon your son but there has to be another way because it sounds like things are not working out and may never be. I’m sorry to be so blunt. I feel like at times we advocates give up our lives for a mentally ill child and the information out there about serious mental illnesses is not always right for families who live in constant crisis.


#10

Hi molly, you have and are doing a fabulous job and yes when it comes down to it you need to first and foremost look after and preserve yourself, not easy or at times possible I know. Your grandchildren deserve too.

What I mean is my son is 25 and I meant as a mum like we do, we put them first from the moment they are born.

After we had our mini meltdown last night he came downstairs later and was fine, thoughtful caring , normal etc, in some ways that confuses me and makes it somewhat harder in a bizarre way as I feel I will endure the hard times so get a glimpse of that, it’s always there though, under the surface, simmering away.

Take care of yourselves.