How to deal with my sadness of my sons schizophrenia


This struck a chord with me Juliej, so how I feel, and so how I do.

Everybody here will know it’s hard at times, mentally, physically, and emotionally draining, but being grateful for the positives in our lives is a terrific coping mechanism.

Take it a step further, and this is going to sound really bizarre, but I sometimes believe I’m actually lucky to have this burden of caring for a daughter with sz. It’s taught me things about myself and about the world that many people will never discover, it has strengthened me, strengthened my marriage, and has given me a sense of caring and understanding that I probably wouldn’t have found otherwise.


Me too. I’m still devastated and the sadness is unbearable … and debilitating.


I too have wonderful, caring and understanding family. I don’t call them for help either even though they tell me to. But when I really need them most, is when I’m most unlikely to reach out. I get so down that I don’t want anyone else to be down because of me.


This past summer my son has a relapse and I had to get him in the hospital. His first episode when he was diagnosed, his dad got him in. I hoped it would never have to be done again but knew it would, and I’m still not over it. He’s on more medication now and has started gaining weight :(:tired_face:


Choose joy is a great book my Kay Warren. She says the bible said there are hidden treasures be found in our sorrow. We become skilled at nurturing joy within ourselves and others.


I feel the same it is so sad a life for them and us … we mustn’t let it though … we have to have some kind of a life even if it’s always tinged with sadness … just do the best u can and then hand it over … we didn’t cause this condition and we can’t cure it . I pray for a miracle …


Yea I do . Feel guilty when I get cross because I’m so tired of trying to sort my sons problems out … especially when he’s paranoid … he can’t reason … he’s on loads of meds and has been since he was 21 he’s 42 now … so it’s been a long hard road but it’s a bit better and I’m better at dealing with the stress… I don’t feel too guilty if I go on holiday as I need it to carry on . So yes be good to yourself or it won’t work for anyone …


Same here …and the song by matchbox 20 “unwell” I think its called, makes me cry …I avoid it at all costs


I feel guilty all the time…I cant help it …


I cried a lot when my grandson was diagnosed. I thought his life was over and he kept taking us down a bad road. But he finally got off drugs and on the right medication which was clozapine. It’s been 2 and a half years now and he has made an amazing recovery. He’s back to work, driving again, he has even made some new friends. During the worse part of his illness I just keep reading positive recovery stories and making gentle suggestions I am very thankful . Once he started on Clozapine, in the hospital because they could bring him up to a therapeutic dose quicker, within 5 days he was doing better. It waa a miracle drug for us. I had to fight to get him on it and it took two years but what a difference


Dear AAmark, This is my first time writing on this message board, never knew this existed. My son has schizophrenia and is in denial. It hurts so much to see him like this. I cry a lot when I’m driving alone to and from work. I hold it together as best as I can at work, but I’m a mess. I feel your pain and totally understand.


I live in Los Angeles and not much help here either. My son was diagnosed in 1998. He has been taking Zyprexa all these years with success. He has had some minor setbacks. Might be worth a try. Good luck.


Thanks for the videos.It’s encouraging.




Hi , your son is not in denial , he has anosognosia ‘no insight ‘ my son is the same and yes the pain in my heart is unbearable , my son was diagnosed last year. I know how you feel . We need to keep strong for them . You must read ‘I am not sick I don’t need help by Xavier Amador . This book will help you and may help your son too if he’s not med compliant . I hope you have a stress free weekend , and another thing to look into if you haven’t already is NAMI . I attend NAMI once a month and it gives me some relief and Understanding about my sons disease .


I totally understand as well, and, even after 17 years, I still cry. It’s so hard to see your loved one so unhappy and tortured, and hard to know or even find out how to help. The videos are encouraging, and so grateful to have watched them. I guess it gets easier, but never easy, better, but never good. We have to stay hopeful that things will improve. I usually feel I don’t have the energy to attend a support group, but know it would help me deal with the sadness and grief. You are not alone in this struggle.


I thought I was doing so well. Then he started talking about suicide in a very matter of fact way. He said he has never really been happy and it’s his choice. On Super Bowl Sunday I remember thinking that I couldn’t swallow something I was eating. I remember thinking to myself - what are you doing? From that point on I have had a fear of swallowing. (this has triggered other health related issues) I’m in counseling and I’m doing better. I feel that this switch that went off in my head that triggered this fear has something to do with my son speaking of suicide. When I am grieving I feel like my throat is tight. I thought I was doing wonderfully - I’m spiritual, I’m smart - I thought I had it and then something just kind of clicked and hasn’t gone back to normal since. He has had his ups and downs but is talking about suicide again. I want to be strong for him but my health is taking a beating. I don’t think there are any answers but he just needs a break. He needs a lucky break. If I quit my job to be with him we can’t afford to live in our house - I make more than my husband. Just venting - just reaching out to people that might understand. I guess that helps.


Grief is a very normal and necessary part of this process. The loved one that you knew before the disease hit…is gone…forever. Allow yourself to grieve that the person who was…is dead. BUT! You still have a living person to work with, to help, to rehab. Team Loved One is working now on version 2.0 and if that doesn’t have success, there’s a bazillion numbers to follow.
I believe that counseling is a requirement for the Caregiver. How can you know what to do when there is so little known about the brain by the Medical Industrial Complex? There is no Schizophrenia for Dummies book out there.
Part of grieving hit me right away when I went to get our son from college. We knew what it was, the signs had been there for 6 months and now it was in full bloom. I sat alone in my car and didn’t realize until much later that I was ‘bargaining’. Talking out loud because it just felt good, “I would give my life so that my son didn’t have this”, “I would take torture daily for a year, for 5 years, so that my son wouldn’t have this”…finally coming back around to “I would give my life”…and I was struck by an epiphany. I would give my life…and I truly meant it when I said it. An image of what that meant zoomed into my head…I would give my current life, the career, who I was, everything about me, would be given up to ensure, to the best of my abilities, that my son would eventually NOT have this brain disease anymore. I knew that I could not live with myself, if I did not do everything I possibly could, did not give my very best (which totally sucks sometimes, falls WAY short…it’s still my best…) to enable our son to become his well self, whatever that comes to be.

I didn’t cry until 2 months after diagnosis. And it took a fierce training work out from a rowing(regatta) class to get me there. It was EXHAUSTING and I didn’t know if I could drive home because I was so tired. Driving in the park away from the lake, I began to cry. I pulled over and let myself wail and bawl and bawl and wail and bawl until it was done. Completely. And then I just sat there thinking how can I drive another 15 miles…I did. Now I can cry more frequently as needed.

You MUST take care of yourself first. What do they say on an airplane in case of emergency? Caregivers get oxygen FIRST, so they might take care of the helpless.
I try to take a monthly ‘get a way’ for a day or 2.
Our son will try to ‘guilt’ me…I use the airplane reference firmly and state that it applies to all areas of life.


Thank you for this post. It’s so true. I felt and feel the same way. I would gladly give up everything to have my son back and well. It’s such a tragedy on so many levels.


My son is not the same as he was before this awful illness hit, and I am not the same person either. I have a sadness and anxiety all the time. I haven’t really come to terms after 3 years. It is not fun to be a caregiver for your adult son. I hope I can accept it all better some day.