johnsmom in all the years of my sons illness(10) he never saw me cry, we all kept that away from him because we didn't want to upset him or make him feel worse.
When he was talking about hurting himself or suicidal thoughts, it was about making all the people who left him, ( ex-wife, friends ) feel bad for the way they treated him.
When I broke down is was like he finally saw how much his father and I would be hurt by his actions, while all these years we have supported him and never left like his friends and wife. So for us, him seeing me cry was a good thing.
You mentioned about thinking about your son when he was young and how he was.
And It seems like with this illness our son doesn't remember much of his life before it.
So with his okay, we brought out some family movies of my son when he was very little. He got to see how loved he was and we had a lot of good laughs too. He saw that he had a happy childhood and it jogged his memory of those good times.