Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How to help my mom

Me and my mom get along pretty well. we laugh a lot and love each other. But she has hard time with my mental illness. She hates it and doesn’t want to deal with it. She is very sane, very normal, very well balanced, She doesn’t smoke , drink, overeat, nothing. so my problems bug her. and i live her with her so it’s hard.

I’m messy, (she’s neat) I don’t take showers daily (she is dressed early and showered even though she is retired) you see my drift.

I keep trying to do better and make it so she isn’t annoyed so much but it is hard. Today i took the dog out, warmed the car up and brought the garbage cans up and she gets annoyed that i left the door open to long and let cold air in when i didn’t leave it open any longer than necessary. I bug her with everything i do it seems. I don’t want to live in a group home, i can’t really afford to live on my own yet. So my only solution is to please her more. But it is hard. I dont’ know if i’m just messy or if i have depression or if these are negative symptoms. any suggestions?? It does seem though that her nagging me and displeasure also causes me to be more depressed and feel sad.

I know that I had to adjust my expectations. I had to let go of some of my own ideas on how things should be. It sounds like you are trying hard. Your mom may not want to talk about it but maybe you could find some things on the internet and print them off for her to read. Help her to understand that sometime racing thoughts can get in the way and cause you to forget to do something. Try not to let it get you down. She may be so caught up in her own routines and how she thinks things should be that she can’t really see how it is affecting you.

Sometimes I feel like a huge burden to my sis. I know she would never say it in 100 years. But I still think at 17 she should be out doing 17 things, what ever that is, not sitting at home taking care of me. I feel horrid when I mess up and make her day harder. Again, she never says a word, but I still feel horrid.

Sometime I feel better when I write her a letter and let her know that even though I set the toaster on fire, or killed her plants, I’m still in here, trying and doing my best.

It sounds like you and your Mom get along. You might be able to mention some books as well. Or just let her know how you feel. My family brought in a third party therapist to sort of help interpret SZ in to normal speak. If that makes any sense.

what bothers them is seeing us unmotivated and not our disabilities, nagging is the result of pressure they feel and it makes the pressure more bearable for them and as you said does not mean that they don’t love us, however some of antipsychotics like clozapine gives you motivation and maybe some of antideppressant do it too, so don’t be worry, all of these things will go someday and be grateful about your and your mother physical health and many other things that you have and others don’t. do talk about your problems to her regularly, it does not deppress her but gives her insight about you illness, and having insight gives her more energy to take care of you and at the end consult your doctor about these problems.

When I was young (in my early twenties) I had to live with my parents while I was waiting for a room in a group home to open up. All I did was smoke (outdoors) and lay in bed staring at the ceiling. I did not understand anything about SZ and neither did my parents. I thought I must really be some kind of lazy slob. And my mom thought that too. My mom wanted to kick me out and my dad insisted that I be allowed to stay. I think my dad had done some research on the disease. Eventually I got on a better drug for me, and my motivation returned. I was almost “normal” until I was in my early forties. Then I went off my meds, thinking I must be all better…and the sickness came back…When I got back home from the hospital I was back to staring at the walls. Finally they put me back on the drug that helped me years ago and my motivation mostly returned.

It’s important for you and your mom to research and understand this illness…Your lack of motivation is not your fault…it’s the disease. Talk to your pdoc and see if there is a better med for you. Abilify is good for negative symptoms.

You mom needs to cut you a break when you are making efforts to help…instead of criticizing the one thing you failed to do. Maybe you could talk to your pdoc and arrange for a conference for the three of you. Maybe your pdoc can explain to your mom the truth about your situation.