Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

I'm at a loss here

I need help dealing with my mother. If you could share any “tips and tricks” you’ve picked up over the years, it’d be much appreciated. Also let me know if the behavior I mention is common in schizophrenics, or if it’s just her individual personality. She is 48, schizophrenic, diabetic, one legged, has poor balance, is physically weak, and frail. I myself am autistic and 25, and she’s my entire world. I literally don’t know anyone else in the universe. We depend on each other. The behavior that upsets me the most is the self pity, self emotional torture, sometimes the vocal outbursts (like “IS IT!!!”) and the martyr-like concessions she always makes about everything to avoid all conflict at all costs. Once my aunt (her sister) with a lab was trying to tell me that my miniature greyhound took a dump on the floor, when it was bigger than his head. It wasn’t a real argument. No one was yelling or mad or upset, but because there was the smallest of conflicts, my mom had to step in and save the day and just clean it herself. That angers me. I really feel like she’s trying to be a martyr when she chooses to do without, or do extra work or anything like that. My mom always “just does without” for no good reason and I hate it. She doesn’t have to make herself suffer. She also complains about everything, and is especially critical of every tiny thing on tv. Or my favorite is when she sees one split second camera shot on a commercial, and then talks for 15 minutes about some obscure memory that it triggered, half the time forgetting what she was talking about in the first place. I feel like she responds to me like she thinks i;m an idiot, too. We were talking the other day and she was saying how the new neighbors are rough with our cat, making him rough with us. I joked that we could put a sign on him, and she says “I don’t think that’d work”, trying to burst my bubble as if I was really proposing it. I can’t even make the tiniest of jokes? I really resent having to walk on eggshells around her psychotic voices and delusions and inability to tell real from not real. Sometimes I almost feel schizophrenic. Whenever I’m mad about anything, even if she’s not there, her voice is always in the back of my head going “Well you know, really…” forcing me to bottle my emotions and look at the situation objectively, which is stressful for me. sometimes I just want to be angry, is that so wrong? sometimes I need to steam off, and I can’t do it with her damn reality checks in the back of my mind. I really feel resentful of her, sometimes. To be clear, resent doesn’t mean hate, it means I feel emotionally injured by her, even if i know it was never on purpose. I love her with all my heart, but that’s how I can feel such indignation. It hurts me when she makes herself suffer, and it hurts me when she complains but doesn’t really have a problem. My brain just hears a complaining mama and wants to help, but then she doesn’t want help. It’s so frustrating. Am I making any sense or am I just all over the place?

I think the biggest tip that helped me was when someone told me I needed to take care of myself first and learn to ignore stuff I couldn’t change.

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