Hi Carlie, It is so hard having our son’s in jail due to their beyond awful illness. My son has a court date on Thursday and I am afraid they will let him out and he will be homeless. He was living in a condo I owned and paying a small rent but that is no longer an option. I can not help him as I am too afraid of him. I did talk to him on the phone when he called from jail and he sounded very aggressive. He has also been in solitary confinement a lot. Well, we have to stay strong and try to keep ourselves healthy. I feel I do not have the energy or motivation or finances to help my son anymore too much. And, of course, I am so fearful of him as he attacked my husband, and stole so many things from garages and patios in neighborhood. All this escalated when he went off meds 8 months ago. Good to hear from you and peace to you during your day.
That all sounds so familiar, Irene. I’m so sorry you’re going through it. I am too, in my head; it is difficult to forget the drama and heartache, even decades later.
I once thought about buying a condo for Billy. I thought of it as a solution to a problem and an investment. In retrospect, I am so glad I never did that; it would have been another way for Billy to cause problems for me. And after seeing his last apartment after he died, I knew I would have been even more overwhelmed with problems; his apartment was unbelievably filthy and vermin infested, like he was living under the bridge. I was deeply embarrassed when I talked to the landlord, and gave him some money to clean up what was a disgusting, smelly mess. He ended up gutting the apartment, drywall and all, and rebuilding it.
If I had to deal with that, it would have been a terrible burden on top of other problems I had to deal with. If I would have had someone to help ME, to tell me what I should have done and could have done (which I now know in retrospect), things would have been better. It is my sincere wish for you that armed with knowledge, you will avoid this dreadful malaise that Billy left me with, and that you can do a better job of helping your son than I did helping Billy.
After a serious episode that lasted for months with my brother , I really felt like maybe something was seriously wrong with me I sought counseling and was told about this Im sure many of us have experienced this at some point.
Call it what you want, but decades of being exposed to horror and trauma have left me in a dreadful state. I think it’s more like PTSD; I had to recently shut my phone ringer off because even after five years I dread every single phone call. I have an instant panic attack every time the phone rings.
Even my doctor said this is normal after what I’ve been through and wouldn’t refer me to a counselor. I don’t know; constant malaise and anxiety doesn’t feel normal to me.
I’m sorry you were dismissed by your Doctor no it most certainly does not see normal .
The 1st counselor I spoke with said it was normal as well .
I just did the best I could to make it through .
It wasn’t until recently a new counselor let me know this wasn’t normal .
I do hope you have found some council for yourself even if your Dr . said its normal .
Hi Eddie, I understand your trauma and I know that feeling of thinking we could do more for them. I think we did as best we could and more than anyone else. Other family members didn t offer to help you after your parents passed. My family members, including my son’ s dad do not want anything to do with my son. My daughter does help and is concerned but she lives 1000 miles away. It is such a terrible situation because they can be so mean and not seem to feel remorse. I know they are ill but it is very hard to always be kind to them. And for sure it is traumatic for the caregiver beyond belief. We have to try and remember all the ways we helped them which was amazing considering the horrible behavior. Have a peaceful day.