I think I want to work

Last week I signed up for both the day treatment program and peer coaching. The peer coach manager wasn’t too happy when I said I want to do a 2-3 month treatment program first. So after some thought, I would like to put day treatment on hold and hurry to turn in my peer coaching application so I can start working as a peer coach right away. I only want one client for now which is 6 hours a week… and I was thinking we can watch some movies or do some grocery shopping. Maybe I can take them to support groups as well. I am going to try to collect signatures and complete my application tomorrow. Sometimes I worry about whether or not I’m doing the right thing. I want to help my friends with schizophrenia but I don’t want to step on any toes. My BFF is moving to Vegas in 3 weeks but she is too busy to hang out and we already had a goodbye lunch. I have other friends and don’t know if they want to celebrate my bday next month. I used to think my BFF and I would be there for each other for life but it seems bad things are happening to her left and right. She will lose her monetary benefits when she moves, she can’t drive and will be home bound, she’s been having severe insomnia and mania for months to the point where she looks constantly exhausted and now she’s getting a rash. Even though I’m not as high functioning as I used to be, I’m hoping my new job goes well and I can still have a birthday party next month.

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Oh I hope so too, Tukey!

I am glad you are making changes to guide your life in the direction you want it to go.

To be honest, things are rarely consistent with this illness. My BFF wants me to invite someone to my birthday who she really cares about but I am not too familiar with because she rarely talks to me and she wants the restaurant to be really nice and I foot the bill. I feel like I’m doing this for my BFF. Right now I should be ready to work in about two weeks and I’d like to take my client to watch Where the Crawdads Sing when it comes out. Thanks for your feedback but I often feel like schizophrenia takes a invisible toll on people and you never know what someone can be quietly going through.

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Wow, it’s wonderful hearing so much positive energy in you. It’s good to take on one new challenge at a time, and when it gets mundane, then take on another one. All the best.

Yesterday my family visited a beach and went to a concert. My BFF has been really cryptic lately. Seems like I got lucky avoiding day treatment but my BFF seems to be up to something and wants me to take two friends to a steakhouse for my bday. I don’t know what I should worry about. I worry any turn of a corner or wrong choice can bring bad news for me and I still have to deal with the stigma wherever I go. I got everything I needed for my application to be a peer coach so I should be able to start after some screening. I’m also looking forward to attending support group. My BFF is probably not wrong but the friends she asked me to invite are not close with me and I don’t know what sets them apart from everyone else. I feel like she chose to be dead set in pushing her beliefs on me without telling me why she holds those beliefs. I can’t like someone I don’t know but I guess that doesn’t matter to her. It’d be nice to set more goals and I’d like to jog but that’s about it.

Yeah, sometimes you worry about telling people things that they may not like. From what I can tell, it may be a good thing to let your BFF know how you feel the same way we would understand as you put it in this forum. It’s good to make your birthday an enjoyable one, and if you are comfortable with just your BFF then it’s good to keep it that way. Stress leading to an event can be bad, so it’s good to have that resolved. You are worried that you will not be comfortable with the crowd and that’s ok.

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Just need a place to vent. Today my mom and I went out shopping and running errands. I got a new wallet and some rice cake. Sometimes I worry about my friends also with mental illness because it’s often invisible. I just haven’t heard much news on how they’re doing these past few days. Peer coaching job is coming along well. I turned in my drug screening and should hear back next week but I’m looking forward to watching Independence Day fireworks first. Also going to support group this coming Tuesday will be nice. I don’t want to be sitting idle pretending everything is ok… wishing everyone here a good Independence Day weekend.

Good news! Today my boss called and paired me with my first client. She is an old lady who is currently staying at the hospital till she finds a place to live. I can go to the hospital to visit her every week. I’m thinking we can watch some movies, attend support group online, and maybe do some leisure games/activities depending on her interests. I will bring her some snacks. I feel like I’m going to spend more than I earn at this job and I kind of wish I could have more than one client, but my functioning and mental health aren’t great so I will try to focus on just one client. Things are going well and I’m meeting new people at support group as my BFF moves to Vegas. Next month I might have a birthday party and invite two people at my bff’s request, also pay the bill and make sure the food is good. One called me “junk” and the other previously declined a birthday invitation so I don’t really blame myself for not being excited about this. I’m fine with it, though. I feel like my BFF sometimes can be stubborn when she thinks she’s right, but sometimes I feel like there is more than one world view that is correct. I sometimes feel like the timing isn’t right and I want to wait, and the friend who called me “junk,” I’ve given up trying to be friends with. Anyways, I don’t like it when people try to force friendships on me and I don’t trust people who choose to be my friend because they think I have good morals. Idk why I bring this up… doesn’t everybody not like it when friendships are conditional? Anyways I’m not set in my views, just want to know more about why my BFF thinks these two friends in particular should be invited to my party.

Sorry I keep posting on here but I just need a place to vent and the sister forum has kicked me out. It feels like sometimes my thoughts swing dramatically from one belief to another and I can’t decide which belief is the real one. I worry that one of my friends, also with schizophrenia, isn’t doing well. But I haven’t heard from her in a while so I don’t have the latest update. Life for me is going alright. I’m going to be a part time peer coach and I have support group to attend. I just feel that life is turning into an uphill slope and all I can do is hope and pray for the best.

Hopefully I’m not bothering anyone with my yawn worthy posts, I just need a place to vent in a supportive environment. Hope everyone had a good Independence Day. I wanted to watch fireworks but my dad was in a bad mood. My boss still hasn’t called me on when we’re meeting my client so I’ll call her tomorrow. I am thinking of subscribing to Disney plus to watch movies with my client and I might also bring her a can of chocolate milk since she might want some snacks since she’s staying at the hospital. I also want to watch Snowdrop, a new K-drama. I’m hoping this job will get me through this difficult time of my BFF moving away, and there will be good things in the future. I used to vent on Reddit but they sometimes encourage delusions, taking a “vacation” from meds, etc. I wish I had more goals like losing weight/dating, practicing my driving, or just doing more with the time I’ve been given. My BFF moves in a week and who knows when I’ll see her again.