It’s a bummer but I feel like my mental health problems have been returning a bit, mixed with my normal distrust of people. I’m not a very socially intelligent person who is good at reading motives and due to that reason, I’ve been backstabbed several times by people who used to be close friends. At support group, I finally found someone I trusted. She also has schizophrenia and says we’ll always be bffs and she helped show me people from group she considered genuine. This friend moved to Nevada last month and hasn’t talked to me besides wishing me happy birthday. On my birthday, which my BFF didn’t attend due to moving, I invited two other friends and suddenly felt that one of them wanted to backstab me. For years she discouraged me from trying to lose weight, mocked my boba drinking habit, mocked where I live (till I moved to a new house), and tried to get me to hurry and find a job. I didn’t feel it was serious but looking back, she wasn’t a good friend. I’m also starting to feel that people on Reddit’s schizophrenia page sometimes don’t like me either and even sometimes offer dangerous advice, which is why I started coming here some of the time. Maybe the advice I get here is more sensible. Right now, it’s starting to make me a bit paranoid like what people on Facebook will think if I post a personal photo or message. I feel like I’m someone who doesn’t have too much dark thoughts. I don’t often get jealous of people for having more than me, I used to be a good student, etc. I am somewhat trusting of some of my favorite teachers, the support group director, my parents, and a couple others from support group who were nice to me. But the paranoia/distrust is eating at me and I don’t know who’s advice to listen to. Tomorrow is support group which I will attend, but I don’t want to over share or anything.
Third week passed where only one or two people show up at support group so I didn’t attend. I talked to my psychiatrist today and told him I’m having mild delusional thoughts that come and go that began this past week, but for the most part I’m still ok. He suggested doing more jogging which might be good since I can get away from my thoughts… lately my energy has been low and I get lazy. Not being able to use the “phone a friend” option because my BFF stopped talking to me after moving away. I tried deep cleaning the counters with baking soda today but it’s still a bit stained though the house is brand new. I also bought a steak lunch but costumer service was bad so I might not go again. I really don’t want to go online and read about everyone’s problems. Right now I really just want to focus on my own. My mom’s boss’s daughter goes to a Swiss boarding school and I’m jealous. She can golf and play piano. I also went to a good private high school, but in Hawaii. I wish I could go on dates or hang with friends sometimes but I’m loyal to my BFF even though she left… I’ve been going out alone sometimes but my mom will be home in another two weeks.
Its sad and hard, even for the smartest, and all to sometimes trust people. Even the bible says trust only Jesus. But we need to trust to some certain levels. I don’t have an illness, y son does, and he doesnt trust me, but Im trying to do what is best for him. I have also had bad friends, or ones that use me for stuff, and steal, and arent that nice. But luckily I did have some good ones as a kid, in HS, and some adults ones after, so I know they exist, and there are good people. It is always hard listening to peoples advice…half the time we dont even do the advice ourselves. I hope you find a good friend, and I wish my son would find one. He has been used, his last ones tried to steal from us and his SSI, and it is sad. I bought him food cards, and they had him take them to eat all the time. I was supporting 5 grown men.!!1 maddening!!! We moved away from them!!! But it is sad he has no friends. I didnt know there was a schitzophrenia facebook page. I wonder if I can get him to talk or look at it. He got paranoid schitzophrenia at age 16. He thought everyone was out to kill him. And still harbours anger at me for taking him to the hospital, and says that ruined his life.
Learning to trust people is hard for everyone I think. It isn’t always obvious who can be trusted and who cannot be trusted. I judge people by their actions rather than by their words, if I can. I look for friends who do good actions.
My friend finally texted me yesterday but she sounded unhappy and homesick and didn’t seem to want to talk again today. I wonder what she wants. I went out to get boba today and it was pleasant but when I got back the neighbor’s house was bellowing in smoke due to possibly meth or something. Some of it got to our house and my dog and I had to sleep it off… she has several foster kids at home. I hope everything is ok. Unfortunately my mom is away till late August. My friend brought up the fact that my dad will move to Thailand with my mom when he retires and leave me to care for the house. I don’t know how capable I am of doing that. I feel really alone all of a sudden and my mental health is not entirely healthy…but it’s mild. That’s why I’ve been going out by bus, to get away from intrusive thoughts. Right now I don’t feel well enough to jog or help out too much. Might wait till tomorrow to do laundry since I’m a bit dizzy…
Can’t sleep. The neighbors meth smoking was too scary and now I have anxiety that something even worse will happen if I let my guard down. I want to burn some incense but we just moved and idk where my mom put it… I might go to Chinatown tomorrow to use their free incense at the shrine. Maybe also buy some Taiwanese noodles. I think it’s time I cut my boba drinking habit and switch to water… I feel like my lack of attention to diet is starting to come back to bite me. I miss my BFF and I am tired of carrying on like this… Sorry, just want to vent. I can’t even drive if my parents become expats.
I’m glad you heard from your friend.
Thanks. I think I will go to the shrine today to pray. I am a good person but only under the condition that people not abuse that trait about me and get quickly offended if they see that I don’t give money to a beggar or defend the weak, for example. I have been to support group for a long time now and I’ve got my money stolen and been disrespected… I cannot love back someone who forced me to show my nice side or strong side. Now I feel like I’m in way more danger than before… I miss my BFF. Sorry I’m just traumatized from the smoke yesterday. Lately I’m starting to feel tired from the moment I wake up. Idk, I told my mom about this forum and she says they sound more sensible than redditors. Maybe I will try to come on here less often, only if there is some help I need. I don’t know if this is just me being petty but I was meeting someone at a high school and passed by the art room and saw a drawing of a Greek statue. It just made me feel something that reminded me of who I was before this illness, and it made me think of Heaven. I don’t think only the mentally ill deserve more than they’ve been given. It’s just a ramble, and I’m open to new ideas or changing my mind. I am going to miss this life when my parents leave.
I’m a bit tired. People bothering me left and right about stuff I don’t want to deal with right now. I miss my bff, but it’s probably not a good idea to talk to her since she hasn’t replied to my last text and I have a feeling she won’t for a while. I ended up getting a plate of lemongrass chicken and short rib for lunch. Shared with my dogs as well. It’s been a long day and I just want to fold some laundry or do something light. I went to a good private school and they don’t have as much money problems, but I feel some of my support group friends were surprised when we moved to a bigger house and I’m possibly getting more attention from guys… I am an only child so I will probably inherit everything one day unless I mess up or something. I’m not really used to being rich, and I still haven’t found a guy I like but the thought of living in this house alone one day gives me anxiety. One of the friends I invited to my birthday seems like a really good person throughout all this.
Help… I feel shaky for some reason and it’s worse that my mom is not here. The neighbor smoked a extreme amount of meth yesterday with several foster children in the house. We live downwind and me and my dogs breathed in some of it. Today she seems to be disciplining them and they’re crying out… I feel bad but right now my only choice is to take the bus out till my dad gets home. It doesn’t help that my mental health is worsening. Tomorrow I might go to the mall to get new earrings since I lost one of them on Tuesday. I want to sleep but am not feeling tired enough… sorry I just need to vent.
Hi @Tukey did you buy some lovely new earrings?, it’s a nice way to cheer yourself up with some retail therapy, I know my daughter loves to window shop, she tends to lose her purse, phone and handbag though, she is also very shaky.
I hope your bff keeps in contact with you, you can always come and chat to this forum, Take care…
Of course you do! I think you should try to stay in touch. Sometimes people don’t answer you right away, and some people never really answer, they just wait for the next time you call them. I have a friend that never calls me. She only waits for me to call her. So I call her and we talk, every so often.
Why would you think you should come on this site less often? I think you should come on more often. 
My friend started online counceling, and said its the best counvelor she ever had…she takes lunch breaks to talk…
Thinking of signing up too…hope i get a good one…ao u van talk abouy things its hard to talk about to people these days…dealing with mentally ill family member my son
I hope you got a chance to buy new earrings!
It can be so helpful to get out of the house on an errand or two. For me it’s a good distraction when I start getting anxious. Or sometimes I’ll putter around with my plants out back.
Wow thats scary neighbor…maybe report to police or child.services…annoymously.