After 5 happy years being friends with my BFF who I met at support group and has schizoaffective disorder, she will be moving to another state. We currently live in Hawaii, and she will be moving to Las Vegas end of the month. But I’m starting to feel that it won’t be the end of our close friendship, we just won’t be able to hang out in person anymore. I am trying to get into a day treatment program for high functioning individuals but I’m worried they won’t accept me due to my mild psychosis. I called them, then changed my mind, then called them again and now they aren’t calling me back to schedule an intake and it’s giving me anxiety. I feel like life has taken a turn for the worse. I am tired of my psychosis despite taking the prescribed amount of meds but I’ve learned that it’s common for people to be sick for a while and most will eventually recover. I’ve been having mild to moderate symptoms for about a year now. After day treatment, I might consider applying to be a peer coach. It’s probably the only job I qualify for since I accidentally wrote over my resume to help my mom write hers. I really wish I could be mentally symptom free but my psychiatrist says it’s best to stay on my current med. Before my BFF leaves, we will pay a visit to another friend also with schizophrenia at her group home. I am suddenly left feeling as if there is nothing in the near future that is worth looking forward to. But I hope this is just a phase.
Hello Tukey, it is nice to hear from you, I do remember you from such a while ago. Life unfortunately doesn’t usually stay stably the same, and changes, especially big changes, are often hard to deal with. I hope you are able to get through the change from in person BFF to phone call / text BFF. I hope that something new will open up in the future for you. Maybe just the idea of something new coming might be worth looking forward to.
Tukey,
Sorry to hear you are anxious about changes in your life. While a natural part of life, change and especially change in friends and family can be tough for people living with SZ/SZA. Finding and keeping friends can be more challenging, and especially finding rare empathetic and accepting ones. Bear in mind that your friend will be in the same boat, so this is yet another experience you will share even when you aren’t in the same place.
I’ve recently moved back to my home state and had a double-whammy of feeling of being disconnected from my “new” friends, and struggling to reconnect to the old— many of which have moved to outlying areas or adjacent states. Technology and social media bridge many gaps, and having friends in further-flung places can facilitate travel or otherwise broaden horizons. I’ve often used Las Vegas as a travel hub to visit Utah, Arizona and California and look back on my trips there fondly.
I recently helped-out with a theater production many hundreds of miles away through technology and contacts I’ve made over the years. And reconnected with a work colleague I first met over 30 years ago, because of a chance meeting between my mother and his wife. Turned-out he lives less than a mile from me and I’ve lived here six months and didn’t know. I know it can be scary to navigate new realities when even the old ones were tough, but that’s how we grow. Hope you and your friend find ways to continue to keep in touch and new opportunities open for you.
Thank you. Maybe my friend thinks as you do that we can share experiences while being in different places. Lately I constantly deal with mild/moderate psychosis and I’m not as high functioning as I was when I last attended the day treatment program. You’re lucky you can travel so much. My friend really wants me to do day treatment after she leaves but they don’t tolerate psychosis and mine has been treatment resistant. Hope you make new friends.
Hi Tukey,
Hope you are doing okay. If your psychiatrist says it’s best to stay on your current med, then that is what you should do. If you feel that it is not helping enough, please contact your psychiatrist with the feedback. I’m sorry your good friend moved away, that is certainly a big loss. Video chatting and texting is helpful, but not a replacement for in person. However, our hearts are big and can expand to include others. Hopefully things will change and you will find someone you connect well with in person while still keeping your other friendship. In the meantime, I hope you pursue the peer coach or another position. It’s often through helping others, that we feel better ourselves. Just pace yourself so it is not overwhelming. Try and get out in nature, even for a walk. Focus on eating well and taking care of your health. The rest will come. Best wishes to you.
Thanks! You’re probably right that we will have to overcome the challenge of not seeing each other in person. I’ve made other friends but I’m hoping to prioritize my BFF. This friend has been encouraging me to do day treatment (a weekly therapy/class/program) and do some very light work as a peer coach after she leaves but says the whole situation might be temporary for me. It scares me that I will probably relapse and have to start over, because I’ve relapsed many times already… but it might be unavoidable and I usually end up getting out of it. I just got my day treatment intake scheduled today and it will be my third time there.
Thanks! Yes I have many other friends from support group but they aren’t really as close as my BFF. Tomorrow I have an interview for peer coaching so fingers crossed that I get hired. First I have to complete a day treatment program, though. It feels like everything is changing around me. I hope that I can pull through because my friend really wants me to do this. I am cautiously optimistic about the future, unrelated to work or therapy.
Here’s hoping that there is no relapse coming. I hope you can manage OK. Being cautiously optimistic sound like a good way to be.
I feel like I’ve somewhat accepted the fact that I sometimes relapse and there are good days and bad days. For now, though, I guess I will not let this hold me back from starting something new. This day program has really helped me in the past so I would recommend it to someone with mental illness who is in recovery. Tbh, I’m not that good at bluffing but I genuinely care about my friends with mental illness and I’ll just take it one day at a time.
So it finally happened. My BFF and her family has taken off on their flight to Vegas, never to return except as visitors. When I was briefly staying in Vegas, there was some level of segregation between rich and poor communities. Poor communities had more processed food and didn’t have fancy bakeries, for example. My friend seems to have moved to a suburb where there are more Asians. She has relatives there but my friend says they’ve been proven reluctant to help her parents with their move in any way. I worry about my friend’s support system especially after her parents get old and are unable to help her. She was also denied Ssi, has no income, and can’t drive. In Hawaii she had state benefits that helped her pay bills.
@Tukey ,
I am so sorry your BFF has moved away. Life is full of changes like this and its hard to let go of special people. A long distance relationship over social media isn’t the same as meeting up and visiting with a friend face to face.
I have noticed that I lose friends when my own life changes or my friends’ lives change. I know people who have had one best friend since they were very young children. That has not been my experience. For some of us, we change, we grow, and we welcome new people into our lives.
I know you are worried about your friend’s support system. We parents are advised to release our neurodiverse adult children to their journeys. Believe me, we know how hard it is for you to release your friend to her journey. We are also advised to focus on our own journeys as we need to primarily take care of ourself to maintain a healthy perspective.
When life has suddenly turned a corner on me, I think its best to take the turn and regroup your life.
New friends are easier to find with shared experiences. Join something that has your interest. After his unwanted divorce, my older son with autism started up a table top gaming group (preCovid) in his community. He also joined some groups that were already in progress, a book club and a community artist support group. HIs life is full again, it did take some time.
Like you Turkey, I am currently in a life “reboot” period. Circumstances have changed and I needed to move some friends/activities off my plate to make room for new friends/activities.
Good luck to both of us!
Thanks. It does feel like our paths have diverged and I have my own road to walk. My BFF hasn’t talked to me since she left. Tomorrow I start working part time, and soon we’re moving to a new house. I don’t want to lose this friend but I don’t know what’s the best way to support her.
My BFF hasn’t replied to my calls or texts in a week now, so it might be a good time to start “moving on”. The client I met for peer coaching this week did not want to talk to me so I have to wait for someone new. We’ve started moving furniture to the new house and I really like how it’s turning out. My room got a new bed stand and so far everything looks nice. After we move, we’ll start renovating our current place. I still hold onto hope my BFF will get back to me once she’s less busy with moving. I want to know how things are going.
I’m living in my family’s new house now. It feels too rich for me and my main income is ssi. I’ve been helping with cleaning out our current home which my parents want to renovate and rent out. The dogs chewed some areas on the wall and left stains. I bought a new pajama pant and slippers online a few days ago, but I plan to save more of it… I saw my BFF at our online support group today and she looked a bit tired. She didn’t talk to me but she says her dad is learning to navigate the area. Her house in Vegas is in a good neighborhood, but it’s a downgrade from where she lived in Honolulu. I hope I can get a new peer coaching client soon. My mom’s busy preparing for her boss’s arrival and I feel lost as to what I can do with all this free time.
Update: My peer coach boss hasn’t contacted me in over a week so I ended up declining the job. I think I want to volunteer instead. My first choice is helping kids with homework at the homeless shelter. Several people from support group used to volunteer there and seem to find it rewarding. It is also close to the bus stop. I also applied for another organization for foster kids. At the same time, I also applied to join the nami peer to peer class. Part of the reason is that I miss talking to my BFF and could use additional support and socializing. Living in the new house and trying out these new/low stress things makes me optimistic that life will go on the right track. I’d also like to buy a few more nice shirts and jeans since I felt underdressed when meeting for my job (old shirt/leggings) and the other workers my age wore nice outfits. Next week I will have a birthday party. Hopefully there will be good days ahead. Edit: my boss called me back and says she still wants to keep me, but I have to wait for a client. That would be good. I really miss my BFF and need more social interaction.
My boss still doesn’t have a client for me and I’m starting to wonder if I should do more other activities in the waiting period. Moving to the new house made me want to spend money and today I ended up buying a $60 bottle of perfume. I haven’t spent money like this since getting disability… usually I give most of the money to my mom to “save” but I also feel that I owe them. But I’m going to try to curb spending till I get ssi next month. My birthday is this Thursday and I’m going out for steak with friends plus my mom. My dog loves the new house but it makes me feel too comfortable and I still want to do more social activities… it’s tough without my BFF here to even just offer some advice.
Turkey, are you close to a nursing home? In some areas they are back to having visitors. There are usually residents who enjoy company for a game of checkers.
Yes I’m considering volunteering but I don’t know if I can keep it if I get a new client… but the idea of volunteering instead of working seems like less stress. My support group used to have a alliance with the homeless shelter and many people from group went there to help kids with homework. It might be less stressful than peer coaching and it is close to the bus station so I don’t need a ride and it is by a small shopping center where I can get reward myself with lunch! The volunteer manager at the homeless shelter emailed me back today saying we can meet this week. Tbh, my main hope is to do something that would give me some independence from family. It’d just be nice to pick activities to do that are a “good fit.”
Told my mom I want to volunteer instead of work as a peer coach and she says she wants me to give the program more time. She says I’m imagining that peer coaching is out to get me. I’ve gone two weeks without a client now which is my main reason for wanting to do something else. Maybe she is right. I also got mad and wanted to cancel my bday party, which is this Thursday and she called me delusional. I should really try to be happy and focus on my own recovery rather than entertain my delusions, especially when they are not in my best interest. I think she is right, and I trust her more than I do most people. We’re going to get me a couple new tops today, then I will go home and attend support group.
Sounds like your mom is giving you good support regarding the peer coach program. Things can take time, its hard to be patient.