Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Schizophrenic Mother

Hey guys. I’m so glad to have found this forum :heart:. I’ve been having a lot of trouble lately and think it’d be great to connect to others going through the same thing. If abuse and alcohol mentions disturb you please proceed with caution.

My mother has been schizophrenic for my entire life, but wasn’t properly diagnosed with schizophrenia until I was around 17. She had her first hospitalization when I was 6 years old and was misdiagnosed many times. She has had an episode every 5 years as a pattern however this one has been worse than any I’ve ever seen so far. She has had a pretty rapid decline since the start of 2020. It has been difficult to get her to take her medication or get proper treatment as she flat out denies she needs it. Having to deal with this has been very difficult. Not to mention my mothers side is very enabling of her and brushes it off as temporary and encourages the lack of treatment. My mom and dad are separated and for good reason, she has drained his credit line and attempted to get him fired from his job claiming he was doing cocaine despite my dad supporting us and her. She separated me from seeing my Dad through the help of my extended family getting a restraining order against him after a custody battle, which I was never aware of until recently. Since custody is always given to the mother by default, we were left at the hands of a woman who was incapable of taking care of us. My siblings were both physically abused by her while I was the only one not abused. However I have only just realized my siblings were being abused by her due to the normalization of it as just ‘little scuffles’ despite her beating up literal children. It’s been a lot realizing this at the age of 23 due to how normalized I saw it and I feel very guilty about never speaking up for them about it. She also has alcoholism and is very prone to violence when drunk. We keep trying and trying to get her help but it never works.

Back on the topic of this year, we had to get her escorted by the police to the hospital in July as we tried to do it through the family doctor but weren’t believed. Having to use the police was very traumatic for me and hate having to use that kind of force just to get someone help. While in hospital she refused treatment, called a lawyer and got out through the hospitals tribunal as the liability scares the ward away from keeping her. She then lived in a homeless shelter for months with my siblings constantly walking on eggshells afraid she’d show up. She committed fraud against me and took advantage of my dyscalculia to take my money without me noticing and always normalized her controlling my bank accounts because of it. She put me deep into debt ruining my credit and I have reported it to the police and am working on them with the case. My siblings also filed for assault charges due to it happening quite often during this year especially. Of course, my ‘wonderful’ extended family with my aunts took action and formed my mom to get picked up due to getting text messages that seemed erratic. When my sister told my aunt about her abuse, my aunt she’d testify against my sister, and truly believed we abused my mother. My entire life they have blamed literal children for not taking care of our mother, blaming us despite us being very young at the time and unaware of what mental illness truly was. Their denial sickens me and they have always been awful to us and allowed my mom to keep us when she wasn’t stable enough further harming her and us. They are only just realizing how she really is with my aunt visiting her in the hospital and being extremely mean towards my aunt. My aunt was very upset when we as actual children had to deal with that on the daily. It’s been a very weird process deconstructing everything I went through and how I normalized it. I am seeing a therapist but I’ve had difficulty talking about the legal charges just yet with her. It has ruined my grades in University as I’m struggling with just living daily life. I have to take a stand against my Mom so that she can’t take advantage of me as an adult and I still love my mom deeply. However, I feel very mixed and it hurts a lot. Thank you all for reading this far and any suggestions/advice is greatly appreciated!

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Sparda,

I am sorry you have had to endure this situation. You are a person with a number of adverse childhood events (ACEs). Please read about ACEs and ge the help you need. My familial situation is out of control in my 20’s and impacted my success. You need to make yourself number 1 always for today forward! I am now 56 years old and just finished the graduate degree I should have completed in my 20’s. I finally made it! I want to let you know that I regret placing my life on hold and allowing others to discriminate against me r/t me family of origin. Please do not allow this anymore! I was going to move 2000 miles away after I graduated from college at 22 years old and I hate myself for not doing it! Love your family but do it from afar and with extremely tight boundries!

Please promise me that you will get the help you need and let the medical and legal professionals help your mother and siblings! Go get your education, fall in love, and create your own family and reality! Start ASAP!

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Thank you very much smarti08 for the response. I am sorry to hear about your experiences growing up and am very glad to hear you were able to get ur graduate! All your work and effort was finally worth it and I’m glad you were able to fulfill your dreams. I will absolutely continue school no matter what as art history is my passion in life. I hope to be a museum curator someday and visit many countries in order to live a fulfilling life despite my circumstances. I made the difficult decision today to cut contact and communication with my mother. I will have to set this boundary as neither me or my siblings can handle having to deal with this stalling our lives and relationships. It was very difficult, but it was the right decision. It will continue to be difficult, but I won’t let my mom’s illness control the life that I was given. I wish it wasn’t like this but I need to do what’s best for myself. Thank you smarti08 and I wish you all the best in all your endeavours :relaxed:. I will look up information about ACEs and discuss it with my therapist the next time I see her as I was not aware this was a thing people experienced. Thank you so much :heart:

Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting. Your story is heartbreaking, as are so many on this site, but deciding to put your life ahead of your mom’s and to cut communication is very brave of you. Each person on this site has had to work out what can and can’t be done for their loved one, and then take the actions that feel correct to manage their individual situation. Sometimes the only best choice is to cut communication. I am friends with a 48 year old woman who stopped communicating with her mother over 20 years ago, as she had to make the difficult decision to save herself, since she couldn’t save her mother.

Sparta, you have endured a lot. It is time to take care of yourself and help your siblings. There is in reality very little you can do for you mom. You can go and visit, support her, see to her needs, but you have to go ahead with your live. Maybe reach out to your dad, and try to build a relationship with him.

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