It has been awhile since I have been able to catch up. My fiance moved out of his apartment on Jan 5 2018 with nowhere to go. My dad told me he could stay with us for awhile. Well my dad passed away in March. We are still in the house and my fiance told me he would give me $$$ to stay here which is a lot less than what he paid for his apartment. He hasn’t given my any money since July. I am on a limited income also. He has been living off of me. Food he takes it and if I walk by it goes in the garbage. He takes my cigs. Anything. He spends all of his money on online nonsense things. He has twice as much as me. Still no help from his family. Thia is my family home and I dont want to lose it or see him out in the cold. He wants to save his money and buy some land somewhere and sit in his car. Makes absolutely no sense. Last year in December he spent 15 days in the rwing and refused treatment. I cant ask my family because warned me that he would probably pull something like this. He assured me over and over. I feel so stupid! Dealing with this while grieving for my dad or at least trying to. Oh…and he didn’t bother coming to my dad’s funeral or wake. I went with him for his dad and sister. Double standard???
Hi, Laz. I am glad you came back to the forum to vent. I remember you. My condolences on the loss of your father. How sad for you. I am sorry that your fiancee is not helping you much, causing you emotional pain, and refusing treatment. On top of not paying his share. What do you think you should do about all of this? My opinion is that somehow you have to take care of yourself first.
Hello Laz,
Sorry to hear about your father. Glad to see your posting again. I too have not posted much and decided to give this a shot again. At least it may help us not feel so alone.
It sounds like from your recent post, you were living with your father when he passed and moved your fiance in to your home? It sounds like your fiance has his own income. You are a kind soul and sounds like you care for your fiance. I admire you for wanting to help him. Maybe start with some small request, if he has enough income he should help you pay some of the bills. Its only fair and sounds like you need the help.
Take care AnnieNorcal
You are not stupid! It is very natural to want to believe and very kind to want to help.
I agree with oldladyblue that it is time for you to think about yourself and what you need to sustain yourself and then use that to help you make decisions regarding your fiancé.
I have been living with my husband as we enter month 9 of his relapse and it is very stressful. I finally rented a living space just for me that I can use as I want/need for the next several months while his family and I make a final push to try to get him to take medications.
I am typically extremely frugal and this is a big expense at a time of great financial uncertainty for me. But I am starting to crumble under the stress of working all day and then coming home to an uncertain living environment. I decided that I nee to be proactive rather than reactive and finally do something just for me. Feels very good!
I have tried. He won’t even help with food expenses. He eats 4 eggs a day. I tried not buying them but then I dont have any done baking etc. He just helps himself. I wouldn’t mind if he paid his share or even a portion. Laat month he spent over 900 dollars on garbage. On Christmas morning I didn’t say anything. I just looked in his direction and all I got was a F U. I haven’t said good morning till he speaks first because I never know what will come out of his mouth.!
Hi. Thank you for caring. He started staying with my dad and I. Shortly after my dad passed. Ever since then my life is totally upside down I miss my dad so much…we used to have intelligent conversations. Not with this one. I feel so alone. He isnt there for me and hasn’t been in a very long time.
Thank you for your condolences. I have always taken care of other people. Mostly in my family. When my mom had cancer, my sister’s kids, my brother who lost his license 3 times to go shopping etc and my dad and my fiance. I dont think about myself. I was hoping that he would do better in a larger space and I have very nice neighbors and his portion would pay for the taxes on the house which is a lot less than when he paid monthly for an apartment. But no!!! The voices and paranoia took over
Thank you for your kind words. I am starting not to care. It’s not who I am. I am very upset with him for doing this and for turning me ever so slowly into a person that I dont know. I fighting it all the way!
It is vital that you have a safe living space, and you are very smart in my opinion to do this for yourself. I had ways to escape my own home for days at a time when needed, as the amount of upset to me from my daughter’s psychosis was incredibly high, until she was successfully medicated (and still is). Keep hope, that is important too.