Today I had a great day with my oldest daughter. My son called while I was there. I have been encouraging him to reach out to his sisters. So, while I was talking to him , he said, " Let me talk to her. " Well, she would not talk with him. She also told me that their father cannot help financially because he is busy supporting his other kids (meaning my 2 daughters.) I felt so bad for my son*!!
I guess my girls have learned from their father that if someone can’t make it on their own–ditch them.
My son only deals with his dad if there is no one else. My oldest daughter will not forgive her brother for some things. My youngest girl has not spoken to me for over 3 years-one of the reasons being that I was " Trying to push her brother on her."
Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with sadness for C, and with the responsibilties I have with him.
The financial things I can’t afford for him that would make his life much easier, the poor quality of social services here. I have been fighting everyone for 20 years and can`t change a thing. The only changes I can see are the ones that my son has made himself in the last 2 years. I am VERY grateful and proud for that.
I read once, “God couldn’t be everywhere, so He made mothers.”
Thank Life for the Mom I had! Now, I’m with a gal who has five grown children, and I get to support her when she sacrifices so much for her children.
My Mom died relatively young of cancer, and my Dad remarried. When he came North in the Summers, he used to meet me once week for lunch, just the two of us. He said, “I miss your Mom terribly, and I like hanging out with you because you have some of her in you.”
I am a 64 year old schizophrenic who is also recovering from alcoholism. The woman I’m with now is my age, and she surely has a schizophrenic daughter and a couple or three alcoholic children.
Last week, the youngest son phoned Mom frantically that he couldn’t stand to be alone with his new found sobriety and she had to come immediately. So we scrambled together and flew the thousand miles. Only he doesn’t remember making the phone call and doesn’t want our help other than a loan. Oh well! It is a lovely time to be in Florida!
My schizophrenia started when I was 17, and by age 24 I was full blown and had no where to go but home. My Mom had an eight year old at home, and my Dad had enormous energy while she was worn thin. Therefore, for the next eight years, I gradually, between involuntary commitments to mental hospitals, took over the running of the household.
In the wealthy community where I’ve settled, there is a great call for a person who can do the tasks of running a household! When I come to visit someone, for example, I like to vaccum and take out the garbage!
Sibling rivalry can be difficult on it’s own. Add a mental illness and things get more complicated. I don’t think you can fix the wall that is up between your daughter’s and your son. It’s hard when you can see all sides and still can’t find a solution. My son’s grandmother has the opinion that my daughter needs to put in more effort and maybe help take care of her brother one day. She should call him more… I say no she doesn’t have to. He is not her responsibility. If she wants to further that relationship that she can and she can do it on her terms. She was actually asked by her grandmother to take her brother as her dinner date for her high school graduation and not her boyfriend. I said no she doesn’t have to, it’s her day not her brothers.
You see the improvements that you son is making. Maybe that is all that matters. We can’t force others to appreciate what we appreciate. It can take a long time for peoples walls to come down. Sometimes never.
My parents couldn’t / can’t fix things between my brother’s and I. One brother came back into my life on his own.
It is sad though that his sister wouldn’t even say hello and treat her own brother with the same consideration that she might give a stranger.
I think one thing that might have helped my brother feel more comfortable and unafraid of me… If you don’t mind my 4:00 a.m. pondering…
I didn’t know that he was going through his own addictions and depressions. He was having enough trouble keeping himself afloat, much less taking me or anyone else on for that matter.
The more he heard that I was stable for the most part, didn’t need as much help, would require nothing in the way of support from him, he was less afraid and started coming around again.
I wonder if there is anyway you can just openly reassure you daughters that your son is no burden to them. Then after a while they might be more up for just talking to him.
I am having the same problem. My daughter thinks my son is worthless. She will not have anything to do with him and just doesn’t seem to accept his Sz. I think she may be a little jealous of the attention he is getting right now as we have only known my son has Sz for 7 months. This is so bad that I try to avoid talking about my son to my daughter. As a parent this is hard to accept but my children are grown and must make their own choices in life. I still hope that some day they will grow close.
I agree with surprizedj you need to try to reassure your daughters that your son will not be a burden on them. In my case my daughter already has an only child (son), that is mentally challenged and lives in a group home. Reassuring her will be a lot harder.
Hang in there and don’t try to force the issue as it will only make it worse.
I do read a lot of stuff like this and it really hits me hard. I look at my sis and just Marvel at the mere fact she’s still my best friend. I often wonder what is in her hard wiring… or was it just the roll of the dice? What gave her the ability to not only treat me as a friend, but to actively state when she did… “I’m the one who will do this! I’ll take care of J” I know I’m so lucky to have her as a friend and a sister.
Don’t try to fix it. That will only hurt it. My Mom likes to lie to me and say that my younger sister asks how I have been (she is out of state in college). I asked her because Mom had said it enough that I decided I was touched and she denied it. Now I just have problems trusting anything Mom tells me about her. It hurt Mom’s credibility in other things too.
Yeah-my daughter said that she had anxiety problems also, among other things. I think it would be a great idea to reassure her that C. is not her problem. BUT, I still think she could of said hello! Thanks…strong text
I`m pretty much done trying to fix things with everyone.
I wonder if your mom was just trying to spare your feelings.
I always want to to that with my son
@dontforget623…I have a similar problem with my sister. I have schizophrenia and my sister and I rarely have relations. We don’t really talk. We never used to get on as teenagers and those problems have grown into adulthood. But things have thawed in a way, we can be in each others company at least…its an improvement on how things used to be!
Best to just not say anything. My younger sister has hated me for being older than her since she popped out of the womb. I would have had an easier time accepting that and moving on if my Mom hadn’t been continually pulling at my heart strings trying to make us love eachother!