Loneliness and isolation


#1

This life of caring for someone with SZ sucks to put it plain and simple! My husband was diagnosed 4.5 years ago and has been in and out of institutions every six months, 4 Times in the last year alone and arrested as well. It’s been an eventful 365 days to say the least. Nothing seems to keep him stable. Along with this is this feeling of isolation and loneliness not only for him but for me as well!
Looking back, long before he was diagnosed we never really had friends…he never seemed like he wanted to be outside of our family which in turn made me the same way…it was always just the 3 of us: me, him and our son. Even my son is isolated! My son plays his games online and he has a lot of friends he plays with and I guess that is his social outlet. In all fairness, anywhere we ever lived there were no children his age for him to play with so it made it hard for him to have a social life outside of home.

I’ve been having this push-pull struggle in my mind as to whether I want to keep going down this road as it seems there is no light at the end of the tunnel. The definition of “the light” for me is him staying stable for longer than a month at a time which doesn’t seem like it is in reach! I have done everything for him that I can and now I just feel empty inside. He is in the hospital now and of course doing better because he is in a structured setting but when he comes home, he’ll be right back where he started. And because of this I feel isolated…lonely because I am not married to the same man I have been with all this time. That guy disappeared 4.5 years ago and I get a brief glimpse of him once in a blue moon and that is it. He doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything that involves socializing, he just wants to stay isolated.
My father was diagnosed with SZ a few years after a bad accident he had when I was a kid and I saw my mother go through the same thing I am going through now except she was a lot stronger than me or so she portrayed…I’m definitely sure she had her moments, she just didn’t let her children see it! I’m turning 50 next month and I have been asking myself If I can do this another 25-30 years. I know this sounds selfish but I am so tired of dealing with being the enemy, being ignored, being told “I don’t know what I am talking about” when I question him about his meds while he is slipping into psychosis…the list goes on as I’m sure all of you experience the same thing on a daily basis!


#2

I hear ya! I’ve lost count of the people who’ve suggested that I “talk to a friend,” yet don’t volunteer to listen! Well, alrighty then. Thanks for letting me know where I stand.
I force myself to volunteer, just to have somewhere to go, and acquaintances to chat with. It’s better than nothing, but still feels awfully lonely.


#3

I like the idea of volunteering, I’d also suggest yoga or something with a Rec center? In the US we have a ton of meet up groups - perhaps you could find a craft group if you like that stuff. They offer classes at the local craft shop. I just started a painting workshop which is pretty fun. You can socialize with out your husband, I do often (he’s my live-in boyfriend).The first step to doing these things can be scary but once you get started you may find they help. I’m sorry you are going through a rough time. One day at a time.


#4

Ginger,

I understand what you are going through and the isolation. I kind of stopped going to my church because people always ask me about my son. He was involved in the church activities until he left for college and when he comes and visit me in my State.
During College, he diagnosed with MI. he came to stay with me few times when he get better after his relapses. for the last 2 and 1/2 years, he has been between Hospitals, with family friend or Homeless …
I had cut all connections to people who I think they would gossip or criticizes me.
I live with a roommate and see only one friend who is is married to Psychiatric nurse and they understand more than anyone what I am going through.
I also talk to my Dad who had a similar experience with my brother who was diagnosed as Schizeffective and has been on meds for 25+ year and living at home with my dad and my sister.

in a way, I have learn to live without many friends. I speak to few relatives on the phone; Mainly my brother who is a social worker.

I just have 2 jobs and connect with couple of family friends who are in the same area as my son. they are helping and they connect with my Son when he is in hospital. they visit him and take staff for him. of course, I pay them for time and gas.

it has been a roller Coaster for me in the past 3 years but i will never give up and I will never stop helping my son as long as I am alive!!

I will pray for you. do not give up. Pray and keep your hope up.
it is a difficult Journey but it will get better with time!


#5

I completely understand how you feel. You are not alone. Now that I am retired, I force myself to go to exercise clssses and get together with friends. But 70 percent of the time, i am lonely. I really miss my husband who passed. Having to deal with so much loss takes its toll. I try to do it one day st s time.
It was hard for me to get out since taking care of someone eith this illnedd is exhsudtinh, but maybe try to do something for you before you make s big decision. Hang in there.


#6

I joined an online crochet group.

I get fb texts every morning, with new stitches to try, work in progress, ideas.

Many have health issues, but don’t preach on about it. They come for the same reason: a place to find joy.

It helps me.
I also have something to do with my hands, when I am powerless over everything else in life.

I can “redo” things too!
Yarn is forgiving.