I love my husband so much. He has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and hates his disease and all that goes along with it. However, it makes him who he is. Who would he be without it? I love all of his complexities and wouldn’t change him. Right now, he is very sick. I miss his energy and love. His medication takes away those things. The side effects make him so tired and steal his libido. I will forever stay by his side even though this is a very hard time. He is amazing and beautiful. I can’t imagine living with this illness, but I can’t imagine him without it. It is a part of him and makes him who he is too. It may sound odd but I wouldn’t wish it away. He wouldn’t be the person that I love so much.
He can’t do anything without me, which is sad. I wish for him more independence. I sometimes fear that he couldn’t leave me even if he wanted to. That’s the part that I don’t like. I want him to be with me because I’m wonderful too.
Anyway, I couldn’t sleep and I was thinking about all of these things. Life is strange and wonderful in all of it’s trials. Trials make us who we are. I’m not sure I’d trade any of mine. They teach us things and make us empathetic, caring wonderful people. It can also do the opposite, but in our case lessons are learned and growth happens.
My mind has been unburdened. Maybe I can sleep now.
Your husband is lucky to have you.