My mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia last year at 46 years of age. I am the eldest of three daughters, at 26.
To give a little background, my mother had me as single mom and married when I was 3, to a man I consider my father.
She was diagnosed as bipolar when I was young and I had a tough upbringing. Me and my two sisters were emotionally and pyschologically abused by her, our father tries to shield us best he could, but I have vivid memories of her alcohol and drug fuelled manic phases. My parents separated 15 years ago. We continued to live with our mother.
As the years went on she became sicker, and 5 years ago she started to become paranoid. She believed me and my sisters were plotting against her and I started to fear for our safety more then ever. My father moved my youngest sibling in with him and my middle sister left home and found a flat at 17. Neither of my sisters have spoken to our mother in many years. All friends and family of my mother are out of the picture. Unfortunately I am the last one left.
I attend weekly therapy to address the abuse I endured at her hands throughout my upbringing. This seems to be pushed to the back burner now as her health diminishs.
I recently went to her house and discovered she was living in utter filth. It broke my heart and also raised concerns as it was a major health hazard. She is delusional and slow to respond anything.
I escorted her to our local psychiatric hospital for the 10th time ( I have been doing this since my teen years ). She is non drug compliant and objects to any help from our local services.
Tomorrow she is being let out of hospital after 6 days and nothing is different. I have spent the past 6 days getting her affairs in order with no help, meanwhile questioning why I have lost the last 5 years of my life to a person who abused me and continue to loose time.
She is not willing to accept help, and now I am faced with that question, how can I continue to sustain this stress. Is this disorder worth destroying two lives instead of one?