Mother has schizophrenia


#1

Hello all. I would like to know if some feel the same as me. Ever since I was a little girl my mum has had schizophrenia and therefore it has been quite challenging living with a mother who suffers from this. I have 2 sisters and I am the middle child. One of my siaters lives in another country and the other one is closeby and shares my thoughts, worries and caregiving to our mother too. I just hate feeling guilty and angry most of the time especially now that my mother is 82 and obviously needs more attention and help. She lives alone and is also a diabetic. She is still quite independent as in she cooks and gets groceries and so on. I always feel I should ve doing more to help her but because of the way she is I find it very hard to cope. I feel like I do not want to deal with any more of the way she is always calling me to say negative things. I hate that I feel burdened by her but I cannot overcome this feeling and it s like a viciuos circle of guilt and worry. Growing up with this problem in the family has not been easy especially when I was still in my teens. Now I am 57 but feel so tired of this heaviness. Is anyone there who feels the same?


#2

Yes, I feel the same way quite often. I feel guilty and angry, then it goes away and I am just sad and tired, then the guilt comes back because I am trying to live my own life when I haven’t solved the problem for my daughter…

You have had to bear the weight of your mother’s illness since you were a child. Of course you feel this way. I am glad that she is still somewhat independent at 82, and I hope you can “recharge your batteries” during the times of day/week when you don’t have to care for her.


#3

Thank you for your reply especially because it is so kind to show empathy for someone like me. I am sorry that you have to bear with the same thing for your daughter . Hopefully you too can find ways to rest your mind when possible.


#4

You are welcome. Thank you for your kind words. I have not always had empathy, if I am honest with you. I have changed quite a bit myself since my daughter became ill. I think I am a better person, but I am not a happier person. Before I used to be happier, but I was blind to the suffering of so many people.

I have gotten 8 hours of sleep the last two nights, broken into two 4 hour segments, but 8 hours total is great, which helps my mood. I often don’t sleep well, and am not sure what wakes me up. Sometimes it is my daughter’s talking way down the hall in her room that wakes me. Sometimes it is silent when I wake, but I know there are times when she pounds on her door or the wall and then goes quiet again. She is so tortured. I am sad that it happens.

Do you live with your mother?


#5

I can understand what you mean when you say you are a better person but not happier. Lately I have been going to therapy which is helping me to realise that I cannot change this situation and accept the way she is. I am hoping it will help me enjoy the moments of my life with my family and friends without feeling so guilty or insecure. I just have to find some more peace within myself especially when I feel angry, which I really don t wish to be. No I do not live with my mother and it must be hard for you because it s your daughter who obviously lives with you.
Hopefully she is getting the right medication for her because it makes a lot of difference.