Thanks for this forum. My son has been discharged since May of this year. At the exception of his disappearance the first week, everything has settled down.
He goes daily to our neighborhood gas station to buy cigarettes. We have been thinking about moving back to our old place, as our younger son has been struggling to make friends at his school.
He will be entering 10th grade in September and has kept contact with all his friends from our old town. His teachers at his current school describe him as a polite young man, but he had no friends among his classmates.
He has been witness to his older brother’s episodes. My older son went clubbing with his friends two days ago and ended in the ER. He had a cannabis induced psychosis. His argument: it is legal mom…
My younger son witnessed the whole episode again and I felt angry, sad and more. Or oldest is currently in the hospital, and I am on my way to see him
This whole setback have us question our moving plans. On one hand our youngest does not want to remain in our current town (his words:“I need to have a life”).
On the other hand, our oldest son (suffering from schizophrenia) tends to disappear in the big city (our old place is near a big city-sorry for the confusion).
We are thinking it may be safer to remain in our small town, as our oldest son is limited as far as disappearing.
But are we gambling with our youngest’s life? Are we playing with fire? He deserves to have a chance as forming bonds with his peers…I am not sure that he will fare well this year, if nothing changes.
This is such a hard decision: it is as if we have to choose between two children’s needs. Our youngest only have three years until high school graduation.
Sorry for the long story. This illness is a curse.
A helpless mom
I am sorry that the move didn’t work out as you had hoped.
In Family to Family they teach us to prioritize the health of ourselves and the rest of the family. I know that can seem harsh. Unfortunately, many people can be so intent on helping a neurodiverse scz child that the rest of the family’s needs go by the wayside.
I try to think of it as “containing the damage”.
How is your younger non-scz diverse child in danger if you return to your previous location?
In Family to Family they taught us to brainstorm on ideas to try to think of different solutions that may also work. Is the new location working out for the rest of the family? Do you have family in the old location that your younger son could live with during the school year?
Decisions are never easy, often the success of a decision is based on how heartily everyone involved works to make the decision be successful.
High school age is a tricky age to move. My older sister with bipolar made my family’s life miserable when we moved while she was in high school. Every morning she would scream that she hated where we lived when my mother was trying to get her up and out the door to school. We changed my scz diverse son’s high school when he was a sophomore, we knew it was like rolling the dice to move a high schooler. Luckily he was involved in extracurriculars and made new friends through those groups.
That is definitely a hard one. How far away?
We moved when I was a junior. I regret it. WE got a choice, I agreed for my dads job. I did make new friends and did like my new friends, however it was hard…and I like my old friends better. But now, I never keep in touch with any of them…My sister was good and always kept in touch with her old friends throughout her life.
I moved away from a town my schitzophrenic son was wandering too much, and going to casinos. He is bored now, but I dont worry he left and is getting taken advantage of.
I dont talk to my older kids as much, and they feel Ive spent too much time on helping this one and not on them. (but they moved away to another state).
Can you live closer so there is the best of both worlds? Or let your son visit on weekends with the old friends? It is good and bad to move…Good to learn to make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other gold. But dificult…I hope it all works out for the best…there is no right answer…I guess we are suppose to pray about things like this…
Thank you Hope. Our younger child prefer that we return to our old location. The new location would actually work for the whole family; we are quite isolated in our current town. We do not have much of social life. I suggested that our younger son lives with family during the school year, but my husband is against it.
Also, we just realized that our sz son is using medical transportation to go around town and even further. He had tried to travel to another state several times (quite an harrowing experience). It seems that even the comfort of a small town is not 100%…
Thank you C11 for your reply. We would moving about an hour and half away. We have been trying to take our son to see his friends on weekend.
We are quite isolated here, and our younger son does not like it here. We have been here for over 4 years.
I understand your son’s boredom, as my son was quite bored (until he found a way to wander as well).
I had a talk with our non sz son, and he shared to me that he likes his school (he has an IEP). He is concerned that he may not do as well with the new high school. He suggested that he visits hi sold friends on weekends.
Not an easy decision, but we are staying,…