Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Want to move out of state with sz son

Hello,
Thank you for reading this post. My son was diagnosed 16 years ago with schizophrenia. It’s been a long hard road. We’ve lived in the same house since my son was 6 years old. Now my husband and I are growing older and desperately want to move out west where my husband is from originally. None of us have any friends or family here, my son doesn’t ever leave the house. He has not been anywhere except his doctors office in 16 years. How can I move? Does anyone have helpful advice? Eventually my husband and I will pass away or become incapacitated, so I’m hoping my husband’s family might look after my son when that time comes. But I’m so afraid my son won’t be able to handle moving so far away. Please, if anyone out there has experience with this I really need to hear from you. thank you!

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You may want to start discussing the possibility of him needing to go to a group home if something happens to you.

Gee, I never thought of that…. I have spent every moment of my life for the past 16 years to keep my son out of group homes. Thanks

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I just think sometimes it’s the best place for people who can’t take care of themselves. It’s not easy adjusting to that. I may end up in a group home someday. I’m trying to come to grips with that

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Yes it may have to happen to my son too. It could be a nice place tho he might make friends and like it. Thank you!

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Are you concerned about the move itself? Or being somewhere so far away for him? If he is not really going anywhere except to the doctor, he might be okay with this, as he won’t be missing routines or people.

Thanks for emailing. My concern is moving him would cause a relapse. He has always lived with us, and hasn’t known any other life. My husband and I really want to move, things where we are aren’t good and we could get a lot of money for our house at this time. I was just wondering if anyone has moved with their sick adult child. Thanks again!

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I’m with @kitmom on this. You’re worrying about a hypothetical. How do you know your son won’t be able to adapt to the move? Why not try to set up an identical living situation in the new house. I.e. if your son currently has an area of the house he calls his own, configure the new place to be the same.

My worry is rehabilitation, a problem I also have. No matter where your son lives, how can we get them to embrace life better? I’ve suggested NAMI Peer-to-Peer, but haven’t been successful with my son. Taking an online class hasn’t gone anywhere either.

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I just try my best to keep my son well. He means everything to me and I don’t ever want to see him suffer the way he did. Perhaps I’m doing everything wrong, but one of his counselors said who knows what would be different if he wasn’t living with me. It could be much worse. I accept the situation as God’s will and am thankful my son is no longer in a living nightmare. He suffered more than anyone who doesn’t know about this illness could imagine. Thanks

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@RoseofSharon. I can relate to everything you say. I can’t see a way for my son to live independently either at the current time. Schizophrenia is a horrible disease of the brain and I’ve seen him suffer through things I don’t want to see again.

I don’t know in my case if moving would trigger a relapse or not. He’s been medication compliant for about 5 months now and there are no episodes of psychosis. Maybe the meds would continue to work if we moved and he continued to live with us. I don’t know.

You did say in your OP about what to do after we caregivers pass away. This is a constant worry of mine as well as he will likely live for 30 years after my wife and I are gone.

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My son has been med compliant for 16 years. He’s a wonderful person. He’s very caring and has many talents. Who knows maybe in the future the mentally ill will be the in thing and there may be more options for our kids. But for now I’m going to trust in God. I’ve been putting off seeing a lawyer for too long. I can create a trust for him so after I pass away he’ll be looked after financially. But we aren’t wealthy. Just middle class folks. My siblings want nothing to do with him, it’s the stigma. That has been very painful. It’s been difficult, my neighbors gossip about him and we are really all alone. But I’ve been fighting for him and will never stop. As I said I must trust in God. Thank you very much and don’t be discouraged. God gave us these challenges because he knew we could handle them.

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I’m so sorry about your siblings not being supportive, @RoseofSharon. I know what you mean about not wanting your son to suffer. We are still very new to this, and I’ve tried everything to keep him from experiencing trauma in addition to the psychosis itself.

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It would be an idea to introduce him to an alternative environment In case something happened to yourselves. If you wanted to move, I can’t see it being without him. I do believe you have done the right thing so far. I believe you have taken your responsibility exactly as family should and he gets the best care. You are amazing. However it won’t hurt to expand his world. I don’t think it will easy. Sometimes review of medications doesn’t hurt, doctors get used to writing out the same script. Medications have improved so much these days.

I don’t know if you’ve done this already or not, but have you looked into doctors and therapist in the new area. If there is someway you could get in touch hopefully with someone caring in the new area so he can start to see them right away if there are any problems may be a good thing. Maybe talk to his doctor now so with his help or therapist you could explain things to your son. So he will not be in such shock moving can be hard on anyone. I’ve lived in the same place my whole life, and I know I would be homesick. Maybe talk to him and ask his opinion if he is able to give it?? I don’t know but, I have the same issues with what little family I have thinking my daughter will kill me at anytime. and I have already had neighbors call for a wellfare check on us saying they thought my daughter killed me, I was surprised when I got a call from her psychiatrist office, telling me I needed to go home immediately. My daughter at the time was actually doing very well. I don’t like my neighbors. To make a long story short maybe a new start would be good for everyone.

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Thanks very much! You’ve all been so extremely kind and your suggestions are very helpful…

Good quality group home…
He will make much needed friends.

How do you find a good quality group home? Especially now with the pandemic, my sons doctor of 26 years retired and his therapist quit. I am not too sure we are going to attempt the move anymore. I am too stressed, actually I’m melting down…

My husband and I want to relocate about 6 hrs from where we live, but currently my 26 yo SZA son and his girlfriend live with us. He has partial disability and works part time but cannot handle making decisions and is terrible at saving money. I am trying to get the set up somewhere but we aren’t rich.
I worry if we leave he’ll get in trouble and we’ll be too far to come to his aid.
He has never been in trouble with the law but is currently taking no psych meds and using cannabis heavily.
We offered to buy a multi family house if we move but they don’t want to come with us so how long do u put your life on hold? We are in our mid fifties

Sandy1234,

Are you able to afford the multi housing unit with your own income? If so, it’s possible you could consider moving and renting out the other side of the multi housing unit to someone else until it’s possibly needed by your son in the future.

Hi Sandy,
I guess being a Mom never stops. For some more than others. I hope you find a way to accomplish your goal. Your son is blessed to have you!