I think it’s okay to pull back on what we do for our family members in order to make sure that we will be around when needed.
I have let lots of things go because they are not priorities. My number one personal priority is safety for my family member. If safety is not compromised, I let myself see where my energy is prior to taking on a task. Also, with court stuff, that is not up to me at all since it’s a legal matter that the judge and prosecutor and police decide. Though I have made sure they have medical information that might help my family member receive treatment.
One thing I have done is that if I know I can help with something, but that my family member might be able to do it without me or it’s not a safety issue, I offer to help if needed. I say something like, “I know you’ve got this, but if you need any support or rides or anything I can do, please let me know.”
I can so relate to being tired. It is draining when our loved ones don’t do what is in their best interest. I hope you can do something nice for yourself.
Your story is exactly like my stepson’s 10 years ago. My stepson was taking his court case to a jury trial even though everything was on video. But thats his mind in physcoic stage. He refused to wear the suit coat we took there and insisted on wearing the jail issued orange jumpsuit. He got hostile with his public defender and the public defender asked the judge to order him to the state mental hospital. It was very hard to watch, but it was the right call. He was there for a year and court ordered to take meds.
Its painful and I’m sorry. None of this is your fault. Try to the good times. Who he is now is a horrible disease and not the same.
My son did take meds for a long time afterwards, which made an improvement. Unfortunately, he decided to stop and is in jail again. My heart goes out to all parents and families who are dealing with this. This website has helped me a lot.
Well I went to visit my son in jail today. This is the second visit I went to. It was awful, worse then the first one. He’s been there since last October. He called me every name in the book. Blamed me for everything. He cannot be medicated at all. This is the worst I have ever seen him. It costed me $7.50 for a twenty minutes visit. He didn’t even come to the phone until 15 minutes had past, and I had to tell the police he was not at his visit. You think they would let me talk longer. No way, they wanted more money. My son hung up on me again. This hurts me so bad. I just went to my car and cried. All the things I have done for him, and all the money I have spent on him, this is how I was treated. I got word that he is finally going to a state hospital. It’s a couple hours away. The date is not yet set. I see my therapist tomorrow. I had to reach out to someone, because my depression is very bad over all this stuff. I also see a psychiatrist. We are trying to figure out which medicines work for me. I am tired of trying different ones where they don’t make me sick. I am tired of being sick. I was in the hospital for breathing problems, and about three weeks later I was right back in the hospital. And now, I just lost my granddaughter, 6 months old. She’s my oldest son’s daughter, and they live in Texas. I am trying to book airlines, hotels etc. This is way to much for me to handle. I have been dizzy lately. I don’t know how much more I can take. I think of everybody but myself. I love them all so much. I just hope I can get through all of this. I don’t know what to do.
i am so so sorry queen
and to every one of you with these difficulties
i wish for all these kids to get well…
and i also know that my mum has given up
my sister (youngest sister of 3) has crown court in the morning
she was given a restraining order after she ‘harrassed’ a guy who has drugged and raped her and goads her still on line
this has all been played out on social media
for the first 3 years living and in a darkened room at my mums subjecting her to elder abuse … self injury to extremes suicidal all the time
nos another 3 years later with no improvement she has seen her first psychiatrist after refusing help
no friends gp counseller peers self help psych team just alcohol and unendurable pain
PTSD … unstable personality disorder… depression … anxiety disorder …
i would add 6 yrs psychosis spirituality …
and horrendous treatment and stalking on line
and also alcoholism
also please know he is unwell
it is impossible for me not to side with mum when she becomes angry
but so much anger hurts the one hurting and the one the anger is directed at
Often our sz loved ones don’t or can’t appreciate what we do for them. And they say hateful words. But you do for him anyway, because it is the right thing to do and because you love him.
Do you mean that your grand-baby has died? That is awful. Do you have anyone to help you make arrangements to go to Texas?
Oh, you made me laugh out loud @thereisalwayshope . And when I stopped, it started again. It feels good to laugh. It’s been a hard week for me too, I ate two bowls of spaghetti (my favorite no-no food) tonight.
My daughter is doing well. She went to a psych eval with the local clinic psychiatrist and let me join her at the appointment. Wow. She is making good changes.
My week was very hard with my sons though, as their father came to visit from out of the country and had a major cardiac arrest on Sunday night. It has been hard to visit, watch and help them through visits and watching. They did CPR and saved his life before he was transported to the hospital, but he is in critical condition in ICU fighting to stay alive. I am emotionally drained.
Cake day is special for me, as soooo much has changed in the year since I joined. I still thank God for the arrest, Baker Act, and court ordered meds that set my daughter onto a good path (and for everyone here who shared stories that made me strong enough to speak up to the judge and get her help).
Obviously I can’t diagnose anything but the fact that you’re on this forum suggests you may have reason to believe it is schizophrenia. This entire story is heartbreaking. I will pray for you and I truly believe in the power of prayer. Somethings to think about - it is impossible to know what your son is thinking - don’t try to measure his behavior by the bar of reason or convention. His thoughts could have no bearing on reality. That is not a character flaw, that is a change in his brain that makes this thoughts and behaviors not align with convention, with what the rest of us perceive as real or beneficial. Please try not to withdraw your love. You must be strong to make those decisions that you think he may choose if he could. My son went to a state hospital. I was devastated. I thought life was over. In a few days they had him showering, eating, and interacting. They had him taking his meds. They knew what they were doing and they were really good with him. Our local hospital just didn’t seem to know how to care for his level of need. The brain is complex and not much is known about it. The right med or combo of meds could bring him around. Unconditional love for him is OK! You can show that love, you can turn the other cheek, you can say “OK, he said he doesn’t want to see me, but I will write, I will call, I will never give up on him, I know that child of mine is still there, I will just be there and love him, because when he is better he will know that his delusions were wrong, that my unshakable love was always there and it is not contingent on how healthy or ill he is at the time.” I don’t know his age or if you feel he needs guardianship, but put those emotions aside, deal with this like it is the health crisis that it is, educate and engage the police and caretakers - I think they will follow your lead and treat him better once they know he is your jewel, your baby, and he can get better. There is hope! You can do this. God put you with this special soul because He knew you could do it and I know you can do it. Sending you love, hugs and healing prayers.
Yes. I did it myself. No lawyer. If u need any advice on how to do, im here. We live in Michigan and i know diff states have diff procedures.
How are things today?
Our children seem to take out their frustrations on the people they are most comfortable with, just like when they were toddlers. The illness causes them to behave this way. It’s so hard not to think of it as a personal attack, but it is the illness. I miss the sweet little boy I raised and know he would have been a wonderful man if not for this illness. Once in a great while, a little glimmer sparks through.
My son has false memories that gives him reasons he has treated me badly. Sometimes it’s just bad information the voices have given him. There are times that his illness makes him believe I am the “disrespectful” and “bad” person. We just don’t share the same realities and experiences. Occasionally he will ask if I can forgive him.
I have come home and found everything out of my cupboards in the garbage. He has destroyed his computer and thrown his phone and tablet away. All because of some irrational reason or paranoia.
I think family tend to see the ill person as the reason for our pain instead of the illness. I remember once telling my sister-in-law that I think people would be more compassionate and understanding if I told them my son had brain cancer, at least then they would not hold his behavior against him and be more understanding about him not being in control of what he says and does. My oldest son has become more understanding the more I have educated him about the illness.
You are not alone. We all feel the same way you do. It’s heartbreaking. We can only hope and pray they come up with something that works or a cure. I pray things get better for you.
I am so sorry for what your going through queen 1. This is such a terrible illness other people just don’t understand. I have had days where I think I just can’t go on anymore. There is so much gilt and sadness but we have to be strong for our loved ones who need us. In most cases we are all they have. My son will be coming out of the hospital soon . He already said once he gets out he will be fightiing the mandatory injection becaus that needle is not for him. He told me that he’s just tolerating me for now. My heart goes out to everyone on this forum. You have helped me so much with your advice and kind words.
My son too is in jail. He threatens me when I take away his beer and I called police. As usual I feel sick about it. I finally found his in contempt father after fifteen years who owes us all the money he stole and alimony but the delray fl courthouse let him off again he never paid a dime never responsible for a moment. My son thinks he himself did something or said something to make his father leave but he stole everything and left to have a good time with his new girlfriend. He lies so well to the courts he gets away with it. My son blames himself.
for me… my favorite stress food.