My son is stopping us from moving

Family
21

Thanks for your information. I am just at a loss on how to get my son out of my house. Everything is so darn expensive where we are. I just worry that the police would be on the neighbors speed dial every time my son goes into a psychotic episode.

22

I totally get it. I feel my son is on very thin ice with his living arrangement. I am getting older and too tired to help him so much. We can only hope for a respite and my son can either get a little more functionalable or find a place where he can get professional help. Whew, no one has an idea how terrible this illness can be until you have lived.

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23

I was hoping I wouldnā€™t be the only one saying, donā€™t move now. Because my son is 37 and lives with his dad, in a house they own, heā€™s never lived independently. Never had a serious love relationship :broken_heart: I canā€™t stand the thought of his total aloneness.

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24

How do you know which % category your loved ones fall under? My fear is having to place my daughter in a facility, so she is not walking the streets homeless and abandoned when I am gone. On top of this horrible schizoaffective disorder, she is profoundly deaf. These institutions frighten me. I am so concerned for her well-being and future.

25

Oh, how true is this statement, Irene. I feel like a prisoner. I would love to have company over to my home, but cannot due to my daughter. We cannot travel for even 8 hours in fear of what we would come home to either in damage to the home or herself. I have always been a very social person now I am isolated because of her illness. I do not have that many years left being 75 years old. I may sound selfish, but I never expected to be living like this at this stage of my lifeā€¦

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26

I can so relate to what you are saying. It does feel like being held prisoner. We were gone for 24hrs for a funeral and came back to hell. Ended the night with a visit from the police. Thankfully, my husband is letting me go see family for a few days. We canā€™t go together because of my son. I had bigger plans for when I retired, donā€™t know how any of them will come to fruition. I also like to entertain and havenā€™t had people in my home for years. I donā€™t even know how to get a plumber in to do some work, and I have a leak!

27

Iā€™m not sure how to tell if a loved one is in one of these groups:

  • 50% improve to the point they can work and live on their own.
  • 25% are better but need help from a strong support network to get by.

Some things might be:

  1. Are they taking meds, and are the meds working
  2. Are they improving: e.g. no psychotic episodes, no delusions
  3. Are they engaging in some productive activity that further themselves such as anything that makes money or, failing that, a meaningful hobby

Basically, does the trajectory of their life look like itā€™s going up? No way can you tell anything until they have been on meds for a while and the delusions have gone away.

Note that the 25% group are always going to need strong family support.

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28

I understand this implicitly regarding the 25% and needing the strong family support. My concern is when I am gone there will be no support system for her. She was my only child and has turned the rest of the family against her with this illness and the resulting hate. She only has cousins now as all the aunts and uncles have passed on. No one is going to deal with this on a daily basis. I have been looking for resources and facilities for her in the future. ON top of this dreaded, horrid illness she is profoundly deaf. It has become a real catch-22. Any advice here?

29

since Iast wrote my second son is in crisis, it is so depressing having two sons in psychosisā€¦

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30

Theyā€™ll need 3 things, IMO: 1) a place to live; 2) an income stream; and, 3) a userā€™s manual for how to manage everything things.

I think the living situation has to be drop-dead simple. So that means low-maintenance, and what Iā€™m thinking here is a condo.

An income stream is a trust fund of some sort with instructions how to use it.

The userā€™s manual needs to be written before we pass away and some training should go along with it.

I havenā€™t looked into paid-for guardians and/or conservators, but that might be a good thing to do.

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31

oh, @caringmom , I am so sorry to hear that you now have 2 sons in psychosis. My heart aches for you.