My son was friendly, funny and always had house full of friends


#1

I just need to vent about my handsome son who lost a lot of things after he got Psychotic. He is the youngest of the three. His older brother and his older sister are friends with his one time close friends. They don’t talk to him but they constantly hang out with his siblings. It’s been over 4 years since he has been ill and the first 2 years he was in a big city . Then he moved in with us. He has addiction issues so for the most part things go wrong if he goes out to party. Last 2 months he has not gone out and We buy everything he needs. He recently quit his part time job and college has started. For the most part he spends his day watching TV and being on the computer. What suggestions and advice you have for me to help him to get out and get some exercise? No smile, no jokes and can be angry at times. He is not interested in doing anything to help himself. Hope he gets a part time job or something to keep him busy. He has enough money in his account and We just ask him to be accountable for his actions. I would like to know from parents in this forum how do you manage with your adult son? Thanks.


#2

From the viewpoint of someone with paranoid schizophrenia: I feel like I’m different from everybody else. For the first 20 years of my disease starting in1980 I did everything my parents said to do. They got me into every group home, every hospital, every group therapy, every vocational program. I went along with everything. And it worked out fine. Not to say I’m perfect by a long shot. I got addicted to crack in 1986 but I got clean in1990. Those programs did me a world of good. I didn’t like them at the time but they helped me in the long run.


#3

Some people who develop schizophrenia withdraw from the world and are genuinely happier that way he doesn’t have to have a houseful of friends to be happy. its part of the illness no drive no motivation just love him the way he is and don’t try to change him tcxx


#4

I have always heard that if you were a social person before yoiu got sick that it would make your prognosis better. In other words, how you functioned in life, socially, vocationally, and with education before yoiu got sick is an important factor in your recovery. We go up and down in phases and episodes. Our disease is like the tides. It ebbs and flows.
I always think of a line from a Bob Dylan song called “The times They Are a-Changin”.
Sorry it sounds good in the song but it might not make sense in writing.

"Quote: “The loser now,”…
“Will be later to win”, …
“The Times they are a changin”.

We’ve lost a lot, but later on down the road, things have a good chance of going our way.


#5

My son is 37 now, but for the most part when he was younger-he was on the streets-jail-mental hospitals-halfway houses-…He stayed with his dad a short time, and with me. We could not tell him to do anything. He fought everyone and everything. He lives on his own now-not far from me. I really dont know what he does during the day. I know he is on the computer. He walks down to the laundry ( a few blocks away ) He is on the phone a lot. He was having a few friends over once in awhile-but they all seemed to take advantage in one way or another. He LOVES to buy new shoes or clothes. I really cant tell him anything.
The only thing I could suggest is just be an example. You probably wont be able to force or encourage. Just make suggestions to him-hopefully he will pick up something. Im sorry I couldn`t come up with anything-just my own experiences. Have you suggested this site to him?


#6

Well I shouldnt speak because I am a 21 year old paranoid schizophrenic who lives with his parents, but I am very motivated and always have been responsible even when I was swimming in alcohol my freshman year- I made a 3.5 that year and kept my scholarship. I suggest getting him on medication, I basically say that to everyone because I used to NOT take medication and it nearly killed me, now life is pretty normal again.

Medication. If you want to know how messed up I was just ask. I still functioned though, that is what is rare about me- few schizophrenics function very highly whilst psychotic, especially during and after their initial episode. I never skipped a beat. I lost steam and attempted suicide after about a year of being psychotic. I didnt quit functioning though. I got on medication several months later and life improved dramatically after that and has been getting better and I am now in the stage of just forgetting about it.


#7

I’m obviously not managing my adult son very well at the moment. I don’t think I had a very good understanding of negative symptoms until recently. My son isn’t hearing voices, hallucinating, is minimally delusional however negative symptoms seem to have him. He is unable to take care of himself, think rationally, feel love… This last couple of months have started to show me how ill my son really is. It was hard for me to step back and see. On his own he won’t/can’t fend for himself. I could tell him to brush his teeth, take a shower or even help him clean his room or do his laundry and nicely keep at him to clean up messes that a 10 year old would do better. I realized it was like putting a band-aid on a broken bone…

We did try getting my son a hobby car to make and have gotten him Lego’s. For a bit we were taking him to the park for picnics on the weekends.


#8

I’m sorry your feeling like this. I think your doing amazingly well. There is only so much a human can do for someone else… I’m sorry he wasn’t very dedicated yet to being med compliant. I’m hoping that this time in the shelter where others tell him what to do will help turn him around.

Also, negative symptoms creep up so slowly, and then :boom:. It’s the negative symptoms I fear more then the positive ones. But please don’t blame yourself for not knowing or seeing this because they really do come on quarter inch by quarter inch.

I think taking him out, keeping him plugged in to the Y and all that will prove to be a benefit in the long run. I’m wishing the best for you.


#9

Thanks everyone for your suggestions and replies. All I can say is I am trying my best to reduce his stress. Right now he is not willing to take medication. I have no control over this. I wish he did something to keep busy. He has no friends but I am sure he has some in college. I don’t want him to go out with them and come home drunk. He has done that a few times and now that he is not on medication, his psychiatrist has told him he can only have 2 beers a day if he chooses to drink. He also knows We love him unconditionally and We will do anything to help him. Sending everyone of you positive thoughts and best of luck.


#10

While I understand why the use the harm reduction approach… I don’t get it… I just can’t get my mind around it lol I had to deal with this with my son’s friend. Some how everyone glossed over the fact that there was a weekly maximum and not just 2 a day and other circumstances that should be taken into consideration.

http://www.camh.ca/en/hospital/health_information/a_z_mental_health_and_addiction_information/alcohol/Pages/low_risk_drinking_guidelines.aspx


#11

Now that he is no longer on medication I am not sure if it triggers something. I heard him say that and my son is so far taking it seriously. I don’t know why he said that. My son prefers one beer sometimes. He can walk out and get drunk but he hasn’t done that.


#12

normal to want to get a bit of a buzz on when your young schizophrenic or not they don’t do what their parents say.


#13

If your parents are paying for everything and you don’t have to pay a dime and you are 29 years old. Your SSI money is saved up as your Mom is the rep. payee. You have a brand new car and your college is paid for, you get limited alcohol paid by your parents , even your Cigarettes are paid then you don’t want to get drunk and drive. Just my opinion…