Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

My Sz husbuand left me -- he's very paranoid --- I'm so sad

My life is really horrible right now.

My husband left me again (left for a week this past March, too), and he’s not coming back for a month — I’m so sad.
He has schizophrenia, and he’s having a relapse, but he doesn’t believe it and neither does his psychiatrist
He left me again, and he won’t come back from his parent’s house for a month!
He’s having a relapse of schizophrenia, and he’s been lying to his psychiatrist about his symptoms and maybe not taking his meds, so she doesn’t think that he’s having a relapse and needs to be hospitalized.
This is so horrible for me.
I’m so depressed and sad and upset, and I cry a lot because he’s not here.
I talk to my parents if I start to feel worse and keep distracted by watching TV
trying to eat healthy food
I have a new therapist — trying to set up a marriage therapist
I’m gonna visit my aunt and see long-time friends
We tried a marriage therapist before but she sided with him and didn’t let me talk much.
I’m looking for a better one, but it will be quite the search because of our bad insurance
He even started a job so we were about to have a little bit of extra money soon until he can get a better job
He’s paranoid of my parents and me
He said I wouldn’t find a marriage therapist, but I did yesterday after he was gone and I have a new therapist. He said that I didn’t bother to get one, but I just wanted to get a good one.
it’s hard.
My husband is a narcissist — more so this year, and his parents keep telling him that I’m the problem — he’s at their house now
he lies to everyone, even his doctor and they believe his story — even when his symptoms increase like this.

I have depression and anxiety. We were always so close and had a loving relationship until recently. I want to work really hard to have a relationship that is closer to how it used to be, but he needs to make some changes that we can work on together, and take his meds.

It is really amazing that you and your husband at least made it to the point that you were living together. In my case, I have been seeing my boyfriend who has schizophrenia for 4 years, but he has not met my family or allowed me to meet his. I met a few of his family though, but only informally. I think that he avoids going on dates because he gets paranoid and the whole thing is too much for him, so he will just visit once a week or so.

In your case, it is concerning that his close relatives won’t include you more in his care discussions or listen to your experience. Sadly, I think that happens more often than not. If he cannot come back home right away, you could try calling him or visiting him every few days or one per week. I have even sent my boyfriend letters when it was hard to reach him. If you do get to communicate with him, try to keep your communication simple and compassionate. I notice at times I can be too needy and I think my boyfriend feels guilty so I try not to bring him down with my texts and try not to seem like I am blaming him for wanting solitude.

I think the hardest thing about dating and being intimate with someone with schizophrenia is that when you are not with them, or they can’t be there, or go out with you, it is really hard to see all of the happy families who are not dealing with mental illness who just do all of these great things together. It really hurts and it is hard to understand why sometimes.

Thanks so much for your very nice and helpful response! I’m sorry to hear about your boyfriend. His parents believed his paranoid ideas about me, and so did his doctor. I think you’re right about all the happy couples, and it’s really difficult. I wasn’t able to communicate with him until he came to get his stuff on Monday. He said that’s the only way our marriage could work.
Things have just gotten worse with my schizophrenic husband and me. Today, he came to my and my parents’ house to talk things over and get his stuff. — then pack his stuff to go back up to his parent’s house.

We’re separated, and he said it would be for 6 months so that he can get his business up and running during that time, in an environment (his parents’ house) where he claims he can concentrate better. He is willing to communicate via phone., instant messenger and voice chat

Also, he said we will have marriage therapy and have dates every Saturday. However, he will never move back to my parents’ house. He said we’ll move to an apartment together in 6 months.

I’m sorry to hear how things are going. I had a rough patch with my wife where she moved out for a few months.

I’ve done some thinking and… why don’t you move in with his parents ?

I’m sorry to hear that things weren’t going well with your wife for awhile. Thank you very much for your nice comment, and especially thinking about what I could do.

However, his parents hate me because of what my husband has told them about me when he was paranoid. To make matters worse, I’m terrified of dogs and his parents got a dog in 2012 to get rid of me or control me. At that time, my husband wasn’t paranoid of my parents or me, so we moved to my parents house. The “dog incident” is what caused me to get depression and anxiety. I even had auditory hallucinations (can happen with depression, as well) for a year because of the stress of what his father did to me. I stopped hallucinating the day I told his father off.

I asked my husband a few days ago, if I could move to his parents’ house anyway, and stay in the in-law suite that we used to live in (no separate entrance). He told me that his brother and girlfriend are “settled” there, and he couldn’t ask them to move to the basement and have his single brother move to the upstairs bedroom where my husband is sleeping now.

My husband also said that now there are 2 dogs (his parents’ and youngest brother’s dog), and that he can’t hold them while I get out the main door when we go somewhere. He also said that would anger his parents, but after all this, I’m like who cares. I’m so sad I can’t live up there with my husband.

Last night, my husband even called me and during that call told me that it could be way, way longer than 6 months…because he can’t concentrate on building his career in computers. He’s forgotten some computer skills since graduate school a few years ago. We do have a date tomorrow, but it’s not very encouraging after all that’s happened.

My husband doesn’t realize that one reason why he can’t concentrate is because I believe he’s having a relapse. However, he’s lied to his psychiatrist and therapist about his symptoms, so they don’t think he needs to go to the hospital.

It might take some time then for his parents to realize what is going on. If he’s realizing that his skills are not where he thought they’d be, he may eventually give up, but it will take time. I wish the best for you and your husband.

Sz people tend to isolate from stress too. So I’d r commend keeping the time you spend talking and together as stress free as possible. If he sees you as a cause of stress it will keep him justified for staying away, but the opposite is true too. If you are a source of comfort and his parents place More stressful then he will return soon. All the best

I think that is a great idea. I know it (stress) only upsets my husband. Marriages often have trouble, not only because of mental illness.

Hi Moonwalker,

I think you’re right that his parents will not know what’s going on for a while, as far as my husband’s symptom increase. I will keep encouraging him that he can relearn the skills he needs.
Our date last night into today went well and was almost zero stress. We had great conversations like we used to and had fun playing board games and card games like we used to. I tried very hard to be a comforting and supportive wife, as I always have been, but I think he could see my supportive and comforting behavior and realize that it was a good thing on our date. He even told me he loved me several times, like he used to do.
Thank you for your very kind message! I think it helped our date and probably future to go much better!

Explorer123

1 Like

oldladyblue,

Thank you for your nice message and encouragement!

Explorer123