Need help for parents

Hi

My sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia 12 years ago. It is new for all of us. Soon we all got married. There are 3 sisters all together including me. My second sister just got diagnosed with schizophrenia at the time but we thought it was a misdiagnosis. So we just got her married too assuming it was just depression. Well you know what she got divorced in 2 months and ever since then she has been living with my parents.

Parents are old and feeble now in their 70’s. Who will take care of my violent ( once sweet school topper schizophrenic) sister ?). My parents are week now. They cannot handle the agony and torture and screaming and taunting and hitting.

Me and my other sister have small kids so we cannot handle her too.

Help. 12 years of this nonsense is a nightmare. We need help. Family needs help. She doesn’t take her meds the way she should. She sees the doctor who keeps giving her different meds.

Need help and guidance. Not sure what the future holds for us !!

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Welcome to the forum @NeedHelp22 !

On the upper right of your screen is the search box, since there are many options to your family’s problem, try searching and reading on old threads. There is a wealth of information on the old threads. Different solutions will work for different families’ financial situations.

Have you asked your parents what plans they may have made for your sister?

There is no easy answer to this awful illness. I am sorry your sister is suffering and I understand about your parents. I turn 66 in November, but my daughter is on a monthly injection that works well for her. I saw a lawyer and made plans for my daughter. We also built a separate studio apartment into our home so she had a separate place to live with us.

@hope gave you good advice, I found so much help on this forum by reading the older posts of people with similar situations. I hope you get some good new answers on this thread and you find some good old answers on other threads.

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May I ask what plans you have made for your daughter ?

I put a trust in place to receive the assets from my life insurance of 75k and my home. My oldest son (great with money) and my husband’s youngest sister are the executors of the trust. My daughter will continue to live in the house until she dies, at which point the trust can be dissolved and my two sons will own the house or sell it. I was lucky enough to have a 5 bed, 3 bath, 2 kitchen home. Old and rundown, but big. We restricted our living space (my husband and I) to 1,000 square feet 2 bed one bath, of a 2,200 square foot home. Then made a studio apartment with a private bath for my daughter and 2 more rental bedrooms in the very back with a shared kitchen/bathroom for those 2 tenants. That way the house has an income to pay for itself. Hopefully the room rentals will be managed by my son to pay all utilities/costs for the house forever. I am lucky that rentals in my area are expensive. Each room rents for $700 a month so the $1400 pays water, electric, internet etc. After my husband and I die, the front 1,000 square feet can either be rented for $1400 more, or my daughter can move in there and her room rented for $700 more. There should always be excess income to support the house, give my daughter a permanent home, and leftover income for my sons. A good lawyer helped me figure it all out.

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Thanks for the nice response !!! But will the renters be patient with ur daughter. ?? I am just trying to see if I can do the same with my sister. But who will take care of her ?

I know @NeedHelp22 that there are ins and outs of future planning that have to be navigated. Putting it into effect is also hard. And we can’t foresee everything, just as much as we can. I had the lawyer’s help: he’d seen a LOT of different family problems over the years. If you can see someone, I do suggest it, for trying to set up and plan.

Yes, our tenants are patient with my daughter. They were patient when she was under severe delusions. I just was upfront with them about what was troubling her.

Only when you start taking steps toward a goal do some of the problems and more solutions arise. It is very good that you are trying to work out her future care.

But this is a very good idea. But who will take care of her on a long term basis ?? Can she get married after knowing this ? She is a great women if she is normal. Smart and honest and loyal. Better than the selfish greedy women out there in this world.

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My daughter doesn’t date, she will probably never marry. She will have to take care of herself. She can walk to the store, drive my car to work, and manage her pay/banking. My son will handle the house rentals, money collecting, house bills and finding new tenants. I think (hope) things will be OK. I have some years left in me to ensure she does the best she can. :slight_smile: There won’t be anyone for long term care. That is too expensive. Perhaps one of the rental rooms can be for a part time caregiver. That will be up to my son to arrange.

That is a good idea to give one of the rental rooms for a caregiver. We need someone to make sure someone is making sure they are taking their meds at least. Now that u mention it maybe we should take some insurance plans for long term care so we have someone ( whether paid or not ) to take care of them as long as they are alive. I will look into them. You please let me know if you find something. It’s a nice idea that I didn’t think of.

Yes, that will probably work for us, using one of the rental rooms for a caregiver. After my husband and I are gone, there will be two more bedrooms to rent out, so one could be a caregiver. Unless I have to get a caregiver for myself or husband, as we can get someone to care for us at least part time in exchange for room rent.

Yes, if you can do longterm care insurance, that is a good idea @NeedHelp22 !

Some good ideas here. I often suggest paying for someone to periodically clean apartments for those under care even if they live independently to give regular contact and continuity as well monitor for signs of disorder and damage. Perhaps a student or a retired person would do part time work for reduced rent, room and board and/or a stipend. Work contracts and leases spelling out living arrangements for all parties can be helpful, as they offer legal leverage that less formal arrangements do not.

I’d look over long-term care insurance agreements carefully, as they may exclude certain illnesses. Life insurance policies often exclude coverage for people with SMI, because they generally have shorter life expectancies and higher risk of suicide. Considering these policies are typically intended for people fearful of age related dementia or physical disabilities, this may be less of an issue.

Access to medical records and power over medical decisions can be a sticking point. That and legal issues related to the illness are common additional friction points of long term care.

Finding a husband or long-term companion is a long-shot. This forum is littered with accounts of unhappy and unstable relationships, divorce and separation, codependency etc. There’s confirmation bias here, since people come here to seek or offer help— not to say how well things are going in their relationships. But generally people who develop schizophrenia are often too preoccupied with themselves to seek out and maintain good relationships. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but successful relationships are more likely an added bonus to a robust recovery than an initiator. I’d hazard a guess that the vast majority of married people with schizophrenia either developed the disease after marriage, or withheld their diagnosis from their spouses. And even if they disclosed, the spouse had little to no idea what they were actually getting into.

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