Hello all <3 I am just needing to vent. Years ago when my son went absolutely out of his mind, I had found a support group that I know if I had not found them I would have seriously gone crazy. My mother passed in 2007 and my son was VERY close to her. My son became depressed as well as I. He started acting very strange shortly after. He would tell me that Demons were coming out of his (rear end) jumping up and down, saying that people were following him, He made sexual comments and stared creepily at me, I have a suspicion that he was drugging me, he would shave his whole body and go to a fast food restaurant with his phone number hitting in girls (He was arrested on a nuisance charge) His friends called me one night and they had to call the police because he was acting strangely- The cops found him naked in the bathroom of the apartment squatting on the toilet. He was arrested 4 or 5 times. I was a single mom at the time and working 50 hours a week and trying to keep him under control. My face turned dark grey from stress and I lost 20 pounds in a week. His father wouldn’t step up or in until I called one of his sisters begging for help.
Father finally stepped up and took him to his home, where he went berserk and rode his bike to his old school and was wandering the halls acting scary, had a fight with his father and bloodied his nose, he ended up in the ER then the state mental home. He had to be restrained at the ER by orderlies. He ended up in the state hospital for 6 months. I had to write a letter to the judge and plead for him to be kept there until he was better.He was on a massive cocktail of drugs…Seroquil being the first. He used a legal drug called Salvia and also some type of Ecstasy.
Long long story short…I ended up with previous cancer metastasizing and couldn’t work any more, my mental state was a train wreck. I had several mental break downs. And ended up literally running away so his father would once more step up.
Its been 3 years since I left and he is with his father. We have talked quite often and I visited a few times. But he would creep me out talking about sex and and ME and sex and I would just tell him to stop that it makes me uncomfortable and he is not supposed to think like that about his mother.
He recently came to visit me and my Fiancee, Instantly the anxiety attacks hit. Sure that My fiancee would freak when he saw how messed up he is. Well he was worse than I’d thought. Back to the creepy sexual talks and glaring at me. This lasted two days. I had to make him leave. This BROKE my heart! Any mother knows ow hard it is but I find myself thinking Im such a horrible mom for not being able to stand being around him and being scared of him.
He wont take medicine. He denys he has a problem. I need to talk to other mothers who have to deal with this and the sexual comments and stares. Guess I will stop here. Im absolutely feeling alone with this guilt. Is there a place I can call to get help? I cannot afford a therapist at this point. Thank you and much love