That’s it. My only question. My partner of 5 yrs. His family perfectly aware there was a problem WAY before I ever showed up. So it’s no secret here.
No diagnosis. No treatment.
I’m finding it more and more difficult and am failing at NOT just saying ‘you’re sick.’ out loud. And to WHO?
Myself?
Ok. Yes. I say it for ME. To remind myself. Out loud.
How is there any practical application with this very fundamental, given concept of basic communications skill, that I’m honestly baffled some fully functioning people had/have to consciously learn and practice, where again is the practical application for somebody that has no ‘insight’?
1 Like
I’m frustrated. I need another ‘tool’. And I hate feeling like I’m the only one ever ‘trying’. Anybody else?
Which I know is ludicrous for me to say or feel because… yes! I know he is sick.
Thoughts? Opinions?
Side note: Thank you again for all who share here. I’ve been coming here going on two years off and on and I’ve honestly not found any better place for support, info, reminders, and genuine kindness, understanding and patience.
Remember to be good to ourselves.
1 Like
My daughter is fully medication compliant now after being force hospitalized, force medicated and court ordered to stay on meds. When the court order was over, she stayed on meds. Not because she agreed she is ill. She never agreed she is ill, and still doesn’t think she is ill.
With LEAP, I was able to determine that having a job was important to her. Over a 3 year period, I helped her to get 5 jobs. She lost every one due to acting too crazy at some point or another while on the job as she wouldn’t stay on medicine despite 4 hospitalizations.
However, while on the court ordered shot, after her 5th hospitalization, I got her another job. She did well on the job. She kept getting the shots. When the court order ended, I reminded her that the shot was helping her to keep her job, helping her to stay out of the hospital. It’s weird, she knows she isn’t ill, but she takes the shot because she likes working and doesn’t like the hospital. It makes sense to her.
So we have an agreement that she can live with me as long as she tries to work, and that the shot helps her work, so she gets her shot. It’s 10 months of sanity now.
5 Likes
That is great! Thanks, oldladyblue. It is helpful as well as inspiring to hear specifics about how LEAP can help.
1 Like
I have responded to this thread but I don’t see it posted. Im thinking it may have gone directly to you OldLadyBlue as I responded via the email link I got. Not sure. If you do see it though and maybe know how to push it onto this main thread that would be great!
Thanks again guys.
I am sorry @Wisdom but I didn’t get a message from you, nor have I seen a post from you in an answer to me.
I understand your frustration in trying to navigate the horrible illness that schizophrenia is, especially during a crisis.
While I had/have insight, the thing about delusional systems is that they have their own form of consistency, “logic” and motivation. From the outside it may be contradictory, idiosyncratic and confusing, but with me, it’s usually there.
For example in a crisis, I preferred the company of a deputy to my mother because she wore a star which had internal significance to me. At the time, I thought my mother had died and the woman who wanted to take me “home” was an imposter. So I chose what I thought was the lesser of two evils. Similarly I chose to voluntarily sign myself into the hospital at a committal hearing, because I understood they could hold me 72 hours regardless, and seeing as it was a Friday and not much could happen in the meantime I had little to lose.
When describing previous delusional states, it’s similar to when you tell a story or a joke about a situation and nobody seems to ‘get’ it. A typical defense is, “You had to be there.” And it’s what I say when people ask “why did I believe or do this or that?” And to “be there” you need to listen and empathize. Not necessarily agree with the story you’ve listened to, but understand how they feel and what’s important to them.
As @oldladyblue suggests, you are looking for opportunities where your goals are congruent and to reach an understanding or agreement. I don’t think LEAP existed when my mother and I did this dance, and normally my insight is above average-- but insight waxes and wanes even for me, and I’m least insightful in crisis. Thankfully, the people I encountered calmly listened, empathized and presented me with choices. My reasoning was objectively flawed, but the results were positive nonetheless.
I too was highly motivated to keep my job, so later I decided to seek medication on my own due to concerns I might lose my job as I gradually decompensated.
1 Like
Hi, go ahead a repost to this thread or send me a private message. I will answer you.
I didn’t realize until right now, when I read your post again, @Maggotbrane, that when my daughter told the judge in the courtroom that “that isn’t my mother” that she must have perceived me as someone else at that time. I really appreciate your posts as the insight you share helps me.
Another thing that helped me to communicate and really do L and E (listen and empathize) is when I stopped being afraid of my daughter. It was very hard for me to remain calm when she started saying and doing things that I just COULD NOT understand. The instructor at the NAMI class said that most (greater than 95%) of those with mental illness will not get violent, if they never got violent pre-illness. That helped calm my fears. My daughter never did get truly violent. She said some things that were weird enough that she was force hospitalized 5 times (could be taken threateningly). If I remained calm during those times, everything went better.
If I stayed clear-headed and remembered her exact statements, then the police could usually get her talking about that idea again. That would help the police and the CIT team take her for hospitalization when it really was needed.
One time she said “Everyone in this house should be dead”, which was more a feeling than a threat, but I listened and understood and got her to go back calmly to her room. Then, I called the police and they came quickly. She was still in the mood to talk about how “everyone should be dead” and she was taken to the hospital.