In my previous topic posted about if we should do involuntary hospitalization for my sister who hasn’t been talking to us and not exiting the apartment for 3 years, after we did it finally as a last resort, she got admitted and it was traumatic for her and all who were involved as she fought and cursed at everyone for hours until they gave her a very low doses of anti-psychosis injection. After it took affect, same day, they took her to take a shower and she started responding and talking back to nurses and doctors in a polite manner as if she never stopped talking to adults for three whole years (I thought she had Alogia, a symptom of SZ which makes them unable to communicate verbally), but I was wrong? The following two weeks, she’s still there at the hospital as they didn’t come up with a diagnosis for her yet, although they asked her about the voices and she did respond saying she doesn’t hear clear words, only screaming and she told them she doesn’t know whether this screaming she hears is real or not! Another symptom she always had since teenage years was laughing quietly and tilting her head… Doctors said she’s very calm and collected and seems to have insight about her hallucinations but on the other hand, she told them she’s the one who locked herself for three years and gave them vivid and clear answers with specific dates about her past and they crossed checked with me and it was all true what she told them (no delusions) and when she was asked about the last time she bought a dress, she told them the specific year and from which shop. She told them the reason for locking herself for three years and locking her room is because she’s been homeless before (breaks my heart) and that she’s protective over her territory, her room so she doesn’t become homeless again. Other than that, physically when she was first admitted, she had her blood sugar over the roof due to very bad lifestyle/isolation/lack of movement and stress/depression and they started her on diabetes medicines and monitoring it everyday twice. They found other physical symptoms which she’s being treated for for the last two weeks. My question, why is she still not allowing me (her sister) to see her every day when I visited? I couldn’t see her, she tells the nurses that she doesn’t want any visitors. Of course she’s angry we took her in the worst way/by force to hospital but I wanted to save my little sister, now she’s talking to nurses and doctors and not me, if anyone says ok at least she’s talking to them, I don’t understand how I should accept it? Until when? I keep urging doctors to help me understand and they are like, don’t interrupt the process, we don’t push her to see you, her recovery is more important than understanding or knowing diagnosis… so many things I do not understand, like I found/joined this group in 2018 because I remembered my sister telling me she had hallucinations only on two occasions in her life, when she was a teenager and in her late twenties before she started extreme isolation and zero self care and her room looking like a pile of dirty dishes, garbage and ants etc, I AM SORRY but all these led me to strongly believe she has SZ and now I tell doctors maybe she’s talking to you and acting normally because you injected her with antipsychotic medicine on the first day when she was aggressive upon admission and they said no, maybe her problem is social and traumatic events due to her family and social life and might not be SZ but due to hallucinations her medicines would be same… again, two weeks after involuntary hospitalization, she’s still refuses to see me and I don’t know how to convince doctors for them to convince her to see me so I tell her nice things like wanting a new page with her to help her with whatever she needs and wants and taking her to live with me where I can help her and care for her. Dilemma: again I stated before in this forum that I live in a different place than my sister where I have a job and a husband, friends etc, I came to help my sister by admitting her to hospital so she can start accepting medication and as a result to allow me to help her and take her out and I thought she’ll get released in one to two weeks after medicines etc, however it looks like it might take months of therapy for her to agree to see me, so I’m planning to go back, leave her at the hospital where I hope she’s cared for and safe and come back for a visit when she is ready to see me (which she’s been refusing to see/talk to me for three years then again she’s refusing the same while in hospital)… any feedback on my dilemma and my questions of our situation would be highly appreciated… I am desperate for answers as her doctors aren’t giving me any…
Listen to her doctors. Trust the process. Even if she has SZ, there are reasons behind everything she does. You may not understand them, as they are her reasons. Regardless you should respect her wishes. You waited 3 years, what’s a little waiting versus further alienating her for the rest of your life. Spend your time reading Dr. Amador’s book, you will likely need it.
Second, try other means of communication. Write her letters and keep copies of them. Get what you want to say on paper, so when you do see her your thoughts will be more coherent and focused. If she throws them away or refuses to open them, you can share them with her when she is more receptive.
What I learned from my experience with my son, was that what I wanted wasn’t going to work, what my son wanted was what he would work towards.
It seems to me that some of our family members do need a guiding hand and that our “steering” of the situation is effective.
For others, such as my son, it seems that we have to work with them on the course they choose. My advice is that you listen to your sister to figure out what she wants and help her achieve her goals.
Im new to all of this, but am going through a similar situation with my wife who was hospitalized yesterday. It’s very hurtful when loved ones will not talk to you when you have their best interest at heart. You have to believe the doctors are working towards helping her if she has been there for two weeks. You should also believe you did the right thing and one day she will see it.
My dear, she doesn’t talk to me. Still. One day, I hope… she looks like holding a lot of grudge, I cannot blame her but I wish she knows I did the best I can given the circumstances…
I hope so @Mechanicalman
Update: I went today and she was assigned a new doctor, I hope she’s a better doctor, anyways that doctor somehow convinced my sister to see me (for only two minutes) and she came out staring at me like I am an enemy and hasn’t said a word except “what do you want?!” And when I told her I love her and want her to be healthy and can take her to anywhere she desires when she feels better, she turned to the doctor and said “enough” and left… I don’t know how long this process of hospitalization will take… I just wanted support from you all regarding I stay for one more week to meet with her new doctors and then I go to where I live to my husband and back to work, until I receive a call from hospital that my sister is ready to come out and I call them too to get updates. Anyone can support me on that? It’s very difficult but I cannot be with her at the hospital and I cannot live where she lives but I can come visit and can take her out when it’s time… ???
She is talking to someone about what she wants and doesn’t want - it doesn’t necessarily have to be you.
My son told his therapist and she communicated it to me.
Their recovery is more about them than us.
A time will come that NOTHING will bother you at all… Roll with it, blow it off like it never happened or happens…
Absolutely true and of course I agree but you know how it feels for me to want to hear her voice and conversations, it’s been years and I thought involuntary hospitalization would make her heart softer towards me after a week or two… I miss her and I miss being happy and her healthy…
I hope I become wise and resilient, for my sister’s sake too…
@Love_Hope In my opinion, you being there another week isn’t helping her at all. You have your family at home that needs you, and your own set of responsibilities such as life dictates. She will call when she is ready.
I’m glad to hear your sister is in a safe environment. First thing docs and hospitals want to do is get your sister released into the care of the family, it’s so the doctor and hospitals do no want have to be responsible so by releasing her it is no longer their problem.
I would insist that doctors should let you know what’s going on or refuse to take your sis home and also let them know she is incapable of her own care. It’s how the system works, as long as they can get rid of the problem it costs them less money. Doctors hold the key, to get your sis help or care for those who are unable or care for themselves. AnneNorCal.
Yes, go home to your husband. Your sister is in safe hands in the hospital. Just because she is medicated, doesn’t mean that she will be as you expect her to be. Something in her is keeping her from communicating with you and loving you back. It may always be that way. It may not, but that is how it is right now.
The goal here is to help her be better. To help her find a her new normal. The doctors are trying to do that. It doesn’t really matter too much exactly WHAT her diagnosis is right now. They may not diagnose her. She has isolated herself for 3 years, that is a long, long time, and you have to allow her enough time to come out of that isolation. I know and understand that you are lonely for your sister, but this is about her healing. Her way. She may decide to start living life again outside of her room and stay on medicines that help her go out in the world. And she may still refuse to see you. This is a heartbreaking illness.
My daughter didn’t see me for several of her hospitalizations. It took 5 total to get my daughter onto her new normal. She doesn’t remember what 3 of her hospitalizations were like. At almost 36 years old, she is starting to live again. She isn’t her old self, she isn’t her psychotic self, but she is a new good self and she likes herself. I am lucky that she likes me too. But it took almost 4 years for us to get a new very good relationship back.
Be patient. Go home. Your sister is beginning her healing process. I truly hope it goes well for her. You will have to have your own healing process as she changes over time.
It’s so heartwarming to know the progress of your daughter and I hope this for everyone, thank you @oldladyblue and thank you everyone who’s truly supporting in the way we all need support, I don’t know how I’d deal with this if I didn’t have this group… it’s so important to have you all. I appreciate you all and I wish you all and your loved ones peace and love.
Yes, that is such a true statement. I didn’t know how to deal with this, and the group here helped me so much. Only because of the many people who shared their successes and their failures while caring for their loved ones was I able to ACT when faced with each crisis in my family and make choices that led to recovery for us. The Family to Family course from NAMI, and this site, and the many kind people here are behind the progress of my daughter as well as her doctors, nurses, judge, and the police who helped so much.
I come back here to this site because of the support I got, and to try to pay it forward and support others.
Oldladyblue, you have such a wonderfully kind and wise heart. I am so glad you continue to visit and to post.
How long is the longest hospitalization your loved one had to go through? My sister after ten days of being medicated in hospital wants to be released (started talking to me which is progress, last time I heard her using full sentences in speech was four years ago!!!) but doctors don’t believe she’s ready… how long to let loved one be forced to stay in hospital… it’s a difficult thing to go through… for her and for me, I am torn…
Although it feels hard to have your loved one in a forced hospitalization, it is best to let the doctors keep her if they feel she isn’t ready to be released. Ideally, she will find a proper medication to benefit her and agree to stay on the medicine once released. My daughter’s longest hospitalization was her 2nd, and she was there 30 days. The other 4 hospitalizations ranged from 7 days to 10 days each. Every single hospitalization, #1-#4 my daughter stopped taking her meds (threw them away) once released and she relapsed into psychosis every time. The 5th hospitalization she was court ordered to stay on medicine due to her 2nd arrest. I asked the doctor to get her on a long acting injectable. She stayed on the shot even after the court order ended.
I will say that the ONLY thing that broke my daughters psychosis was to stay on meds. She was FORCED onto meds, but stayed on them this past year and 3 months now. The improvement was dramatic and wonderful.
This is really good to hear, my sister unfortunately doesn’t seem to get it, I called her two more times and each time she’s calling me stupid and ruining things I touch although I ask her to come with me once she’s released so she lives with me and I take care of her and she’s strongly refusing. What are her options: going back again to brother’s house (who has depression and delusions about her) and thus made her go through traumatic events or seeking alcoholic father help… no good options but she says it’s none of my business… I don’t understand what the near future holds after her release @hope you said it’s about what she wants but her grudge towards me is blinding her from seeing that she’s developed diabetes and needs even extra care, I can/want to provide but she won’t accept…