Helpless, hopeless and sad


My husband, usually very gentle and mild, has been off his meds for about a month. He is 60. Yesterday, he had an appointment with his family doctor for regular things. We were waiting in an exam room and I left to go to the rest room. I ran into the doctor in the hallway and informed her about what all has been going on. She knows about the schizophrenia but doesn’t treat that. Since he was unwilling to go to see his psychiatrist, we decided to have the social worker come in and see what she thought. Both of them agreed due to implied threats to “the person inhabiting” my body, that he needed to be involuntarily committed. She helped me through the process of having a judge sign the order and we waited. My daughter and son in law came to wait with us and finally the 2 officers came to transport him to a mental hospital. They tried so hard to talk him into going and after being patient for about 45 minutes, they told us to step out. We went out a back door and waited in the car for another 30 minutes and then one of the nurses called me. She said there had been an incident and my husband had gotten violent. They apparently used a taszer on him. He was taken to a hospital and we followed of course. Ironically, I returned home 12 hours after his appointment in shock. He was dehydrated from his diabetes, elevated blood pressure and was put in a 72 hour hold. Unfortunately, we could not be transferred to the hospital that his psychiatrist of 18 years works. So the admitting doctor, who looked like he was about 17 years old, told me doesn’t think my husband is even schizophrenic! Yes, he has all the symptoms but because it came in at age 42 very suddenly, he thinks he has been wrongly diagnosed for the last 18 years. Frustrating, to say the least. I know he needed help but I just pray that he can forgive me for this. We have been married almost 40 years and I have never been this sad. Thank you all for letting me vent.


And, by the way, this doctor is ordering a CT scan as well as an MRI, which I definitely think he needs.


It can be extremely tough having to involuntarily commit a loved one. Just remember that you are doing what is best for him to get better. The doctor does have a point that he may not have Schizophrenia. Having symptoms start at that age is considered late onset and is possible, but it could be due to a medical issue as well. Hopefully they get to the bottom of this and determine whether he has late onset or a medical issue causing the symptoms.


Please keep us informed of how your husband is doing . my husband he’s 51 and has symptoms of sz and it started 2and half years ago in late 40s and I’ve also wondered if its a medical convention …he won’t go to Dr so I can’t find out for sure…I’m talking to him everyday trying to get him to go but he don’t think he has a prob…I’m curious if your husbands turns out medical… Hope and do wish you luck sorry your going thru this.


Just returned from the first visitation. One hour and 15 minutes to get there and that hour and 15 minutes back sure seemed longer. :cry: He refused to see me or our daughter. He hasn’t had a bite of food since Tuesday at lunch. Hasn’t had anything to drink and has refused all meds. He is also refusing to use his by-pap sleep machine. Terribly worried about all of it, but especially his sugar levels.


I’m so sorry for your sadness and trauma, and for your daughter’s as well. The refusal to eat and drink is so worrisome. I’ve been there too.

Please try to sleep tonight. I’m sure it’ll be difficult. Try to be hopeful.


Hello SewNonnie,
WOW! You are doing the right thing, it’s unfortunate that your husband had to be handled, its not what we want or could forsee happening. He is in the hands of professionals, the doctors will not let him go without food or drink. It’s so hard to have to make decisions for our loved ones, but we have to intervene for them.
God bless you and your family, take care


Thank you all so much for the encouraging words. I’ve called twice today, no change at all. I’m going to try a new tactic. Give the nurse my phone number (which he can’t remember) and have her tell him to call me. It’s so pitiful, he just keeps telling them that his “real wife” is coming to get him.


Every time someone suggests my son doesn’t have scz I have to close my eyes put my fingertips on each side of my forehead and force the rage inside my head to back down.

No one says such things when he is raging around outside screaming back at the voices he hears. Or when he is destroying his home looking for monitoring devices. Much less when his cries of anguish for us to stop sexually abusing him sound like something out of a horror movie set in an insane asylum -only much, much worse than can ever be staged.

Hang in there SewNonnie, hang in there.


Some good news to report. He drank 3 bottles of Gatorade, some water and ate some yogurt. Still refusing meds and won’t speak or let us visit, but I’m thankful for that news!


My husband was diagnosed at 45 with late onset of schizophrenia and has now, more recently, been diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder which is bi-polar and schizophrenia wrapped up into one. He has been like this for about 4.5 years now. The first time I had to call someone to get him help was devastating to say the least. He was incredibly mad at me but after he was medicated for about 4 or 5 days he started to come around and was willing to talk to me. I’ve had to make that call at least every six months since then, he’s been committed 4 times in the last year alone - 2 of my doing and two by law enforcement. Now since this is the “norm”, he no longer gets mad at me. And in turn, it is not that hard for me to pick up the phone to get help. All you can do is remember that it is for his own good and for your sanity as well! It is absolute hell dealing with someone in psychosis and we can only take so much! I know that may sound selfish but I can feel the stress of worry in every bone and muscle in my body! I am not the same person I was 4.5 years ago and neither is he. But it is also horrifying to watch the person you love go through such fear and pain over things that are not real! I know you feel bad over having him go into the hospital but just remember and repeat after me “it is for his own good!” I had to convince myself of this for like the first 5 or six times I had to call for help! The biggest mistake I made was waiting too long to get him help: he would be completely out of his mind before I picked up the phone. But I think I finally learned these last 2 times that the longer I wait the more stress it is for him and me. In January 2017, I again waited to long to call for help, although I really didn’t think he was as bad as he was, and when the mobile psych team came to the house, they evaluated him and took him to the hospital. The hospital called me the next morning and told me they were releasing him and I pleadied with them to have him committed and they declined. So he came home and was arrested 4 days later for destroying various neighbors property. From jail he went into a mental hospital for about 10 days and was ok for about a month after he got out and was right back to not being well again. The jail incident made me realize I waited way too long to have him committed. He was picked up again by the police in September for a warrant for not going to court and he wasn’t doing welll and ended up in jail for about a month and a state mental hospital for 2 more months after that.
None of this is your fault, you’re only doing what is best for him! None of this is easy for any of us, we just have to keep moving through it and do what is right for our loved one even if they don’t see it that way! Keep us posted and I hope everything works out for him and you!


It sounds like we are surely going through the same things. I told my daughter that my mind knows I did the right things, but my heart still hurts. I am feeling better about it right now. Today is a new day and I will go try again to visit. I am very concerned about his diebetes and his sleep apnea also. It’s just a waiting game…


As difficult and traumatic as your experiences are, I would look upon this as a possible breakthrough. Schizophrenia can end up being the only diagnosis, but it may also be possible that there are other things going on as well. The more information that is available, the more the meds can be refined to help him. I would be on guard, of course, but not count the new doctor out just because he is young. Sending prayers to you both…


Pamina58, I know you are so right, I was just venting a bit. It kind of hurt when he just kept saying he’s possible been misdiagnosed for 18 years! I always welcome all suggestions.


I acknowledge that the possibility of having been misdiagnosed for such a long time must be hard, but keep your spirits up.

Some time ago I had a family member diagnosed schizophrenic who had mood swings and had abused alcohol but stopped cold-turkey by the time they started taking meds. I took a NAMI Minnesota 12-week class called “Family to Family” that discussed all the different conditions, and by the end of it I was pounding on the doctor’s door begging them to give my family member a reevaluation. As I did not have a release of information I don’t know exactly what transpired, but it seems to me things took a turn for the better.


Don’t worry the nurses will sort your husbands diabetes out . It’s against human rights to let it go on for long . My son had to be sedated with a jab in the end To save his life I suppose … not nice time . Send heart felt sympathies


Keep us posted. Sorry you’ve dealt with that. As best you can, like us all.
Agnosomnia, what a great ride for family !!!
Do some MD’s have as well.
( Evil laughter )


They somehow got him to let them take blood for lab work yesterday. Should hear about the results of the tests today. They also gave him an injection of Ativan yesterday and he slept most of the day. I am very concerned about the Ativan in combination with his sleep apnea. Hoping he will allow me to visit tonight!


Evil laughter - yes - I can see someone trying to tell a younger me what was ahead for my son’s life - visual hallucinations, voices, anxiety, paranoia, delusions - all caused by one illness and then wrapping it up by telling me he would also have ansognosia making it difficult to convince him to take meds for all the rest - followed by evil laughter…


The lab work is back - but… the nurse told me that they don’t have access to them, only the doctor can inform me. I left him a vice mail asking him to call me and one for the hospital social worker. No word. Husband still refuses to speak to us or to allow us the visit. Feeling so very frustrated with this. Tomorrow will make a week since he was admitted.