Pretty sure 33 yo son has schizophrenia, but he lives 1000 miles away

You can always ask him what you can do to help.
It is good that you are not forcing him into anything. I always overreacted-and fast! I want to fix things quickly.
I think you are doing the right thing for the moment. You will know what to do when the time comes-just keep talking with him. He probably has a lot of friends-they may call you if anything happens.
It IS hard to accept. I accepted it at once-but screamed at everyone to fix it. So funny, but now, I wonder if he had the right diagnosis in the first place…

“I used to worry that I would have to support him for the rest of my life, I wire transfer money to him often. Now, I know I will always have to support him financially.”

Jenee, no, you don’t. As you said earlier, money is tight. I hate to sound harsh, but you’re enabling him to continue to avoid getting treatment if you continue to support him whilst he lives the way he does. Your note about him being “anti-greed/money” is not unusual for someone diagnosed with sz. My father was in the military at the time of first becoming symptomatic in his mid-20s, and signed himself out as a conscientious objector (pacifist). Seemed a true juxtaposition for someone who at 16, signed himself up willingly. However, contrary to what a lot of media portrays, many schizophrenics are not violent people. Many of them are very passive. They just don’t tend to see their responsibilities to themselves or others very seriously. Hence why he’s happy to rely on you for support.

My father spent his whole married life making up excuses to leave his job. Unlike your son, he had a wife and child to support. The stress it placed on my mother, physically, emotionally, you name it, was incredible. He was very irresponsible about raising his family. In true reality, my mother should have left him. I wished she had. Maybe then, she would have avoided having a mental breakdown herself. It was not a happy childhood for me.

You are a mother, and you sound like you love your son. Don’t blame yourself for past mistakes. You cannot change what happened in the past, nor does it make you responsible for your son’s schizophrenia. I can be the best parent I possibly can, and I can never guarantee my own sons will not develop mental illness. We have family histories on both sides of my family. And that will never be something I can control nor blame myself for, even though it does worry my husband and I somewhat.

There are things that you just cannot do from a distance. I’ve had to accept that myself. My father lives almost 10,000 miles away. When my mother died suddenly, his carer of almost 40 years suddenly was gone too. Albeit, it’s a little different from you because he is in assisted living, which means I am not responsible for meeting his daily needs. When we talk, however, I can barely stand the calls. He talks only about himself, never about me or my family here (husband, child and baby). My mother is but a memory to him now. It’s very difficult and I feel what you mean about just not wanting to hear.

You really only have two choices open to you right now. Either to accept and let him lead his life himself for a while, and to save yourself emotionally, have as little contact as you think necessary. Or, to pursue treatment on his behalf, which, against his will, would be a challenge. See how you get on with the links I sent you if you do decide to pursue that.

hang in there though. You are your own health are important too, you know!

@bridgecomet. That’s exactly how I feel - like I need to fix it and fix it quickly. Apparently, that’s making things worse. He doesn’t think he has schizophrenia and is adamant about not discussing it, let alone accepting it and treating it.

@HC15. I just got off the phone with him and I believe I will have to choose your first option. I will have to accept it and let him lead his life himself. He asked me to let him work it out himself and give him a year or so and maybe he will look at getting a diagnosis later on.

He isn’t violent. He isn’t a danger to himself or others.

I feel like if I keep talking about it, he will dig in his heals even deeper and never allow the possibility.

I hope you don’t mind if I continue to visit here often and talk about my fears.

Think you are doing the right thing…this is a great site for info. and ranting!

Well …, it’s been 5 months. and today is Thanksgiving. I am still at a loss. I’ve not told anyone - family or friends. And, now, I think his depression is back, but not as bad as it was. He’s optimistic. So, the depression can’t be too bad. Haven’t had to send him money in the 5 months since I posted here.

Still not sure if leaving him alone is best. Maybe I should force him into treatment. wouldn’t it be better to have treatment? at least he’d get some relief, right?

Piles of research show that sz pts tend to get “better” when they…

  1. Get a copy of this book and read it and have their families read it, as well.
    http://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Schizophrenia-6th-Edition-Family/dp/0062268856

  2. Get properly diagnosed by a board-certified psychopharmacologist who specializes in the psychotic disorders. One can find them at…
    Find Top Psychiatrists by State. and Find Psychiatrists, Psychiatric Nurses - Psychology Today

  3. Work with that “psychiatrist” (or “p-doc”) to develop a medication formula that stabilizes their symptoms sufficiently so that they can tackle the psychotherapy that will disentangle their thinking.

  4. The best of the psychotherapies for that currently include…
    DBT – What is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)? – Behavioral Tech
    MBSR – http://www.mindfullivingprograms.com/whatMBSR.php
    MBCT - Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy: theory and practice - PubMed
    ACT – ACT | Association for Contextual Behavioral Science
    10 StEP – Pair A Docks: The 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing

  5. the even newer somatic psychotherapies like…
    MBBT – An Introduction to Mind-Body Bridging & the I-System – New Harbinger Publications, Inc
    SEPT – Somatic experiencing - Wikipedia
    SMPT – Sensorimotor psychotherapy - Wikipedia

  6. or standard CBTs, like…
    REBT – Rational emotive behavior therapy - Wikipedia
    Schematherapy – Schema therapy - Wikipedia
    Learned Optimism – Learned optimism - Wikipedia
    Standard CBT – http://www.beckinstitute.org/what-is-cognitive-behavioral-therapy/About-CBT/252/

  7. If you/she/he needs a professional intervention to get through treatment resistance, tell me where you live, and I will get back to you with leads to those services.

  8. Look into the RAISE Project at Google.

With respect to medications:

All of the anti-psychotic medications are made from a molecule of a particular sort coming into contact with a brain full of other molecules of a particular sort. Thus, it will work just dandy for some, fairly well for some, not so great for some, and plain horrible for the rest. One may have to try several before finding the one that works best and produces the least discomfiting side effects.

While research into who this is so is underway on a broad front, the complexities involved suggest that it may be a long, long time before p-docs are able to give sz patients a “test” of some sort that determines (relatively) precisely what particular anti-P is best for their particular brain full of molecules.

If sufficiently intrigued, look into Stephen Stahl’s work, as he does a nice verbal and pictorial job of explaining all this.
http://www.amazon.com/Stephen-M.-Stahl/e/B003DO4CE0

Can you give us a link or a citation For even a single paper about readers’ benefits from this particular book?

No. But I can ignore those who are negative about anything with research-proven (and copiously referenced) facts on every page. If you need to be contrarian for whatever reasons, fine. (Since that is so often the sz way.) But you may want to observe to notice how it works for you.

My son came down with sz in his late twenties after a very long slow development in the prodromal period. I also was living far away from him when he was diagnosed finally after he asked for help in psychosis. I also have supported him financially throughout, and intend to continue to do so.

Right now I am with him because for two years since diagnosis he didn’t want to take medication so he has been in and out of depression and psychosis till he ended up detained under the Mental Health Act. I flew over and helped to get him released and he has accepted depot injections since then. He is much better. He only had very slight symptoms for three days before the next injection was due, plus some sleepiness in the two days after the jab.
Otherwise, he is restored to his former active, cheerful, rational, humorous, capable self.
Throughout the prodromal period and after I have managed to maintain our relationship. In fact, I would say that things have improved because I stuck with him, even when he was mist withdrawn. I kept calling him and helping him, even before we knew what it was and he just looked lethargic and disorganised etc. So when the psychosis finally struck, he was able to go to friends of mine and ask for help And ask them to contact me. (At that point he had Capgras syndrome and wasn’t sure it was ne at the other end of the phone.)
My sister and her husband and kids have also been very supportive and helped in his recovery.
So, what I suggest is that you ask your son to move closer to you. Suggest it, don’t insist. But if you suggest it a few times, he will see the sense. it is better for him to live independently, true. But closer is also better. Also, at some point you need to stress that he CAN get better. Tell him about the Schizophrenia Recovery Movement, and send him a link to this forum.

I’m not the one with sz. According to your own posts, you are the one with bipolar. I am a family member who objects to you reducing family members to quivering self-blaming wrecks with your pseudo-expertise. And outdated Freudian thinking.

I guess I can be as rude as you are: I am not surprised your son’s genetics were sufficiently triggered by a personality so nihilistic and hostile. I’d say, “Have a nice life,” but that wouldn’t help him. And neither will your behavior.

Nnotmoses, there are whole threads on this forum complaining about your bullying. None about me, so you have no room to talk. Also, your lack of scientific knowledge about the environmental triggers for sz is pitiful for one who claims expertise. You cannot possibly know what triggered my son’s sz. Neither can you know what triggered my father’s, or my grandfather’s. But we can certainly discount my character in both cases. You are a typical wannabe psychotherapist. Since anti-psychotics and epigenetics have made your type redundant, you come here fighting a rearguard action to make yourself relevant and keep your unethical income stream. With the unethical like you, parents are too blame if they are “too close”, to blame if they are “to distant”, to blame if they are “hostile”, to blame if they are “too cool”. It’s all BS, and you know it. There are people who have serial killers for fathers and they are no more likely to become sz than the next person. You are a harmful individual. You have a negative effect on all those around you. I am calling you on it. I did it before and I shall keep doing it until you are banned.

So were you lying when you said you had bipolar?

Tell us about your own therapy.

Or you are trolling.

Okay, this is a serious problem. If there aren’t piles of research then we should not be seeing claims to this effect. Especially not with the frequency they have been, and continue to be posted. Requesting that @notmoses refrains from making this claim in future posts and escalating to @SzAdmin.

thx.

Pixel.
(Wearing moderator hat)